serenejournal's Blog

I don't do casual hookups. That is, I am not necessarily against them; I just haven't done them in the whole history of being me, so they're not the way to bet.

If you message me asking me to meet you for sex, I'm unlikely to be interested. (Except for you. Yeah, you know who you are. You're probably really great and hot and all, but if I don't know you, I'm not going to be attracted to you, no matter how hot you are.

If I don't think you're smarter than I am, I'm not likely to be attracted to you.

If I don't think you're funny and articulate, I'm not likely to be attracted to you.

If we haven't had at least one conversation about something deeper than sex and attraction, I'm not likely to be attracted to you.

I'm not here to find people to date, but even if I were, I'm really really not here to find random people to have sex with. I have some really hot friends I'd proposition before I would accept an offer from J. Random Internet Person. Even though you're probably great and all, I'm just not into you. Not saying I never will be, but if I ever am, you'll know it.

The thing about shifting gears.

So, I've been on the net about ten years at this point. Not a total newbie, but not an old-timer, either. And I spend a lot of time in sex-positive space. However, most of the spaces I hang out in aren't sex sites. That is, I frequent places where sex is a frequent topic of discussion, but it's not a focus. And then even where it *is* a focus (I'm thinking of the newsgroup soc.sexuality.general, among others), it's not a hookup thing. It's just sex as another topic of discussion.

So to come here and have everything sexualized is a little odd for me. I mean, there's nothing *wrong* with people focusing on, say, my tits when I just posted a picture of them for all to see. It's totally reasonable and within the expected range of behaviors. But it's not a behavior I deal with every day.

I really like the positive comments I've gotten on this site. Even the ones where guys (it's always guys) are telling me what they want to do to my naked body. It's just that I haven't developed any familiarity with where a conversation leads after the "Gosh, thanks! I'm glad you like my ass" thing. Y'know?

I just have to shift gears. And, of course, unless I suddenly become a person who wants casual sex, I probably won't shift gears all *that* far.

That's another thing I ponder. I know that there is nothing wrong with hooking up with someone because you like their body. It's just not the way I usually work. I think about what it would mean to my habits and preferences if I suddenly decided to take someone up on an offer. This is utterly unlikely to happen, because I'm in two happy relationships and not starved for sex*, but it's a thought experiment that I entertain, and that's not really something I've thought about much since the last time I was single, and that was a long time ago.


*And even if I were, I can think of people I know that I'd like to boink before I'd want to hook up with strangers.

First of all, I'm amused that I've run out of reply PMs (that is, NN only lets you reply 20 times a day to private messages, and I've reached my limit unless I upgrade, which I'll probably do on payday, but not now.)

Second, this experiment in exhibitionism has really been an interesting study in shifting gears for me. I just tried for ten minutes to write something coherent about that, but failed. I'll try again in a little bit.

Third, I haven't decided how exactly I want to handle the interactions that happen here. For now, if I decline to call you on the phone, meet you for sex, or send you pics that aren't on the site, it's not intended as a personal insult, okay? (I typoed that as "inslut". I'm just not really the sort who has ever done casual sex or relationships with strangers; it's just not my style, in general.

(I *know* I'm here showing my body to everyone in the world. And I *know* you have a nice dick. That does *not* mean I'll want to have sex with you. I've often told my friend Maize that I can't possibly be attracted to someone if I don't know his/her politics, and that's not much of an exaggeration. I get turned on more by brainpower than dick size. I like conversation more than I like sex (and I like sex a really lot). Also, good conversation is more likely to make me want sex with someone than swapping tales of what kinks we like in bed.)