seshat's blog post - Languages, talen, langues

Combien de personnes ici parlent/comprennent le français?
Hoeveel mensen spreken/begrijpen Nederlands?

Languages have always been a big part of my life. Being raised speaking Dutch, I was nevertheless exposed to French from an early age, as my father's side of the family actually spoke French, despite living in the Dutch-speaking part of Belgium. Aside from that, there is the fact that I spent most of my childhood living in Brussels, where the majority speaks French and where I was taught French from 2nd grade elementary school onwards.

Because of my background, and because of a knack for languages which runs in the family, I always had great grades for French and therefore assumed I was great at it. As I look back now, I realize that my French was only great compared to my peers.
After 11 years of French classes in school, after studying Romance languages (mostly French) at university and after 4 years of working in an organization where 90% of all communication takes place in French, perspectives change.

Those last few years of non-stop practice speaking and writing French have, in my mind, really transformed my French. To the point where, if I reread e-mails from before, I just shake my head at how awkward they were. But despite correcting other people's French, despite my colleagues claiming that I could pass as a native speaker, the situation is so different in my head. Because I know what I want to say, and I know that what comes out of my mouth (even if it sounds good) does not match what I meant to say. This is why I could not (easily) write a book in French.

But that's where English comes in. Chronologically speaking, it's my third language (I spent a year in the US when I was 9 years old), but psychologically it's practically my mother tongue. To the point where I barely think about how I express myself. To the point where it is the language I want to use for my creative writing. To me it illustrates the importance of learning languages at an early age, when the mind is still flexible and learns extremely fast. But aside from this 'practical' reason, there is of course also the importance of my stay in the US in my personal development which determines my affinity with English.

Where does this leave Dutch, my mother tongue? It's still the language I use most for my day-to-day communication with friends and family. But I have no affinity with literature written in Dutch, I always read books in English and in French. Even in everyday situations (including the journal I write) I switch between Dutch and English (and even French) quite often. And every language has its own 'feel' and seems more appropriate in certain contexts and types of expression. It feels like some sort of schizophrenia really, a multiple personality disorder which manifests itself in the use of multiple languages