spigot89's Blog - page 2

Many dictionaries describe altruism as "selflessness". I believe that in the context of a relationship, altruism does not play a big part. Perhaps this is cynical? Of course there are examples of great selflessness in many relationships. Putting the other person before oneself. I do not pretend to know other people's motives, so I can only speak for myself; I would however contest whether too much altruism in a relationship is a good thing.

We are exhorted at every turn to "love yourself before you can love another". Time and time again this proves to be an important truth. If I do not love my body and care for it, how the hell can I expect to do so for another? People reaching the end of their lives have shared an important regret: that of wishing they had not lived their entire lives completely devoted to pleasing another, to the detriment of their own life. I have both read this and witnessed it firsthand as a palliative care nurse. That does not automatically give carte blanche to live a hedonistic, selfish life, of course.

My musing was prompted by a comment from a recent partner, who told me I was "truly altruistic" for taking care of her needs before mine (in terms of bringing her to orgasm first.) I quite strongly disputed this. There are people around, and I suspect I am not the only one, who derive pleasure from giving pleasure. I find it extraordinarily erotic to make my partner come first. There is something far more rewarding about turning her into jelly in my arms before releasing my own pent up desires. For me, the sound and feel of a woman climaxing under my efforts, almost equals the pleasure of orgasm for myself. I had to explain that to my partner: just like people who love giving gifts, and don't do so from entirely altruistic motives, I adore giving pleasure to others before myself. "The pleasure is all mine" is a rather creepy phrase, but it has traction here.

The same thing would be true of driving 100s of KM to photograph and film a couple having sex. Even if I, as a photographer, did not get to literally join in, the voyeuristic pleasure of watching two people enjoy one another more than compensates me.

Ditto for writing an erotic story. If I hit the jackpot and write a story that gets under the skin of a reader/s, then the feeling of accomplishment is a reward in itself.

Probably the only cases of true altruism are those in which the giver is never recognised, as with anonymous donations. Even then, do people really give just because they are thinking entirely about others, or because it gives them a warm, fuzzy feeling inside? Yes, I sound cynical, sceptic even- but think about it!

Uploading pics has been a fairly big gripe of mine here, both on this account and my previous incarnation (Spigot8. I accept verification pics are not the easiest, but definitely prefer when other users are verified posters. Sometimes it can be really disappointing checking out a promising profile which only disappears later when it emerges it was lifted off another site, or worse, published without the subject's knowledge!

While I'm sure there are a few ladies out there who like cock shots, it's not exactly hard (no pun intended) to find great pics like this almost anywhere on the net- and pics are generally not the most rapid way to turn on the ladies or get their attention. With that in mind, I decided to upload a profile pic showing my real, recent face. Big risk, you say? Maybe, but one I'm willing to take. I'm comfortable enough with my dick to know it will hold up and stand up when required to perform, therefore I don't see the need for my first impression to be of a guy with his cock out.

I hope the profile pic of me is a little closer to the reality- a coffee loving man who has reasonably good looks for his age, much as you'd find me in everyday life. If someone recognises me in the street, that would actually be quite amazing, provided it wasn't attached to drama... I occasionally fantasize about encountering someone who has shared and bared everything on here, in life. In a city the size of Montreal it's quite conceivable that might happen. When and if it happens, you'll know I don't have (many) secrets from you!

Keep on sharing the gorgeous, varied and entirely natural pictures of youselves. Nude or not, posed or not, the voyeur in me loves you all!

A blog is often about opinions, to which everyone is entitled. I like to think out loud in my NN blog for anyone who is minded to pass a few minutes checking out my ramblings...

Musing this morning on the appeal of NN, I wondered what principally attracts me to the site. I should say, RE-attracts me, as I was previously a member once one of my penpals shyly referred me to her profile here. Some will say it was the fact that basic membership is free. Not so, I subscribed to premium membership whenever I could afford it, which was not often when I was an impoverished nursing student.

Personally, I believe the appeal for me lay in the fact that the site is generally populated by real people- either real couples who are happy to share the pleasure they take in intimacy with other like minded people, or individuals who are relatively happy with their bodies whatever the shape or size. Of course, the site has its share of bad behaviour, and there is always something of a risk in posting intimate pictures of ourselves- we open ourselves to criticism, and a fragile ego could be damaged by unkind or untrue comments, not to mention the opinion of total strangers.

There is a plethora of other amateur nude sites out there. I have viewed many, and have contacted plenty of other people via other sites, but never had the positive experiences such as those with NN. Here, I have found real and diverse friendships, with men, women and couples. I have been able to share a part of my creativity with a willing and honest audience (my erotic stories, personally tailored for the reader) and also to feel more comfortable about my own sexuality. I enjoy long standing friendships with people online, with whom I probably would never get to speak in the course of an ordinary life. That is what I find extraordinary about NN. I love the fact I can check in here anytime, and view pictures of real people, taken in their real environments, without the dishonesty of studios or the artificiality of paid porn. To any and all of you reading this, keep up the good work and keep in touch- you're all appreciated!

The sad truth is that it is easy to find a meme online to support virtually any point of view; almost as easy to create one specifically too. With this proliferation of memes and "motivational quotes" it is quite conceivable that the impact and validity of any individual post is diminished by over-saturation.

All that out of the way, I return to the question, can a meme be taken seriously? Some contain quotes which predate the internet by hundreds of years, in which case, I would say, yes.

The specific post I had in mind was the quote" "never underestimate the seductive power of a good vocabulary." I buy into this, in principle. Provided said vocabulary isn't attached to elitism or snobbish judgement of those who have less complete vocabularies. Texting language, with its abbreviations and quirks, has its place in our lives. So too does familiar speech, including the use of "obscene" words. Coming from England, people sometimes seem to assume of me that I make use only of long, scientific words even with respect to matters sexual. They are wrong... I enjoy a good fuck far more than engaging in coitus. I far prefer eating out a woman to performing cunnilingus on her. The vocabulary I use is tailored to the audience.

My final point being, in erotic stories, do people prefer to see manifestations of a good vocabulary or do they prefer very gritty, terse sentences? I can do both in my compositions, yet I would really love to know others' opinions as to which would work...