And what is behind door number 2? A NEW CAR! That’s right Bob! A full size big just what she wanted automobile! Maybe she will be happy now.
I mean it’s just 84 payments…

Oh well. Stayed up to late slept till 11. Work canceled. Ice prevents work sometimes. Bought a car. Life is.

Helped cook soup for dinner. It was pretty good.
Did paperwork on a my part time project. Played stupid internet game.

0-7 don’t really see that changing. And it isn’t really sex I desire. It is human contact that I crave. Sex is just the easiest way to describe it. And the only way she will provide.
Plus 1 solo late last night. Think that’s 5.
0-6 availability.

Another in the bag. Asleep at 3 up at 8 at dr’s 9. Of course they are closed, no call or text to cancel.
Oh well went to work. And got cheated out of pot roast for lunch…. Bad weather keeping it down.
Talked to boss, chased birds around. Called looking for parts.

Stop at store for basic groceries. Cook noodles androast leftovers.
She is not happy we did not get the car picked up today. Didn’t matter they were closed.

Normal changes in the count.
Plus 1 solo

Another one done.
I started but gave up last night after I logged out. Decided I didn’t care to finish.
Asleep around 6 up at 1030. Freezing rain. Yippee.
Made a burrito then went out and shoveled paths for the water to drain and cleaned 2 inches of ice from all the vehicles. Cold and wet. But I accomplished something.
She watched tv and did some laundry all day. I didn’t.
After I warmed up I went out again and make more paths. Only Ice remained the water drained as I expected. Someone else thought I was wasting my time.
Did some research on repairs and ordered parts.
Came upstairs around midnight, rubbed one out before I showered.
So the count is
0-5
3 solo
Available count was off the other day, I forgot day 2 was an unwell day. So 4 of 5

Back to work tomorrow. Another day of life.

4 is done…. Great way to wake up. Phone ringing “I smell gas”. No I did not fart. Get dressed run down. Stove left on not lit. Power vent house. Make sure cats are fed, light pellet stove, go have a sandwich.

Drive an hour to look at cars. Test drive two. Pick one. “We should get the cheep one.” But you want a sun roof…. Nope I’ll do without. Great. Go back Monday and pick it up, finance gal was gone. Drive home. Get dog food, and wood pellets and gas detector.

Eat leftovers, watch end of basketball game. Get insulted for eating cream cheese on bagel chips. Ok it was really about the cottage cheese I tried to eat earlier. Pain is good. Sit at the table till 1, take a shower lay in bed till 4. Type this up.
Score 0-4
Available 4
Solo 2 maybe I’ll add 1 more (still not sleepy)

Rough day. Asleep around 3 up at 5 at work before 6.
Florida South Carolina tennasee. 7 hours working home by 6.
Leftovers. Talk of cars. Bed. Thought I will type in a minute, after I rub one off.
I was awakened at 9 yelling from the h away to get moving.
0-4.
Availability maybe. But I was to tired to care
Solo, yes on day 2, failed myself

Another sunrise and set.
Asleep by 5. Phone rang at 7. Out of the house 1030. Maintenance and moving equipment. Forgot to eat.
Bought some extractors. And to many expensive parts. The parts will be used I hope by spring. Hope is good…

Helped repair a repair that was assembled incorrectly. Took an hour to convince that I had the logical fix to try first. I did NOT say I told you so when it was proven I was correct. I was just happy it is fixed.

J came by with news. 6 more months and he gets to see how it is to be a dad. It should be a great change for him. I have hope.

She cooked dinner, it was yummy even if I was a couple hours late. She was happy the project is fixed. One less headache for all of us.
Not much conversation, mostly about a car. Pick one I don’t care. It’s just a payment.

Put dogs to bed and came up for a shower. Got a text before I hit the stairs. “scratch my butt please.”
Ok. I’ll bite. It is an angry butt. Red and irritated. Sweaty monkey butt. Got a hot towel and wiped it down. Put the lotion on its skin…
Can imagine how it feels. Not good at all. Hope it is better for her tomorrow.

Score 0 of 2
Availability…? Not really so 1 & 1. She ain’t got lockjaw isn’t funny when you don’t feel good, not that it would be an option anyway.

O score? Maybe. But I am not really feeling it. I will think about It.

Not a bad day overall. Got some things done. Spent money. Got ready for weather. And found out about new life. Had a few beer. And laying awake in bed again.

Life goes on.

As she gets up, I say “do I need to go let the dogs out again?” I know I do. She forgot.
Dogs are happy to see me. They need to poop. I let them run 45 minutes.

She is in bed asleep. Doesn’t want a kiss hug or anything. I shower. Crawl in bed. No snuggle tonight either.
It is the end of the 1st day.
Score 0 for 1

I think I should set a reasonable goal for orgasms this year. 365 is probably unrealistic. Maybe 200. Yes 200 should work. They will probably all be solo, but it is still an “O”.
Score 1 for 1

I didn’t keep score last year, because my therapist said it was unhealthy to count.

But it was 5. 5 out of 365. There were probably 50 days I was out of town. I’ll make numbers round and say 5 out of 300.
That’s once every 60 days as an average. Average is a lie, it was 1 in 30, 30 after that, 30 after that. 6 moths off, then twice in two days and nothing for the last 3 months. 0 in 90 so average doesn’t mean shit. I am surprised, I expected a shutout this year. But I am just desperate enough that I won’t say no.

Wait…. That is a lie. December 29, 2024 I was laying in bed not sleeping when I came to the conclusion I could just put myself to sleep. It was 3am. I started enjoying myself and was in no hurry to finish. I was reading a story and waiting. She rolled over and said “I’ll get on my knees and you can finish.” And I said “no.” Wiped off the coconut oil and rolled over and went to sleep.
Didn’t bother to finish.

That probably says more about my relationship and my current attitude than I want to think about.
A decade ago, I decided if there was not going to be contact, I was just going to handle myself in the bed, not getting up and leaving the room, nope just right there and go to sleep.
Not anymore. I will be private thank you.

I had told my therapist that it wasn’t any of my wife’s business how I got myself off. Therapist disagreed. I said if there was another living creature involved then maybe. But wife doesn’t care enough to participate, so I don’t care what she thinks of my tricks.

The sun will be up shortly. I should get comfortable and try for sleep.

Last thought for the 1st day of 2025:

I found out in the last days of 2024 that a girlfriend from long ago died in the early months of the year. I had not talked to her since 1992. When she was done with me, she was done. I never knew completely why she ended us like she did. Met me at the door with my packed bag and said “just go.” So I left. Always wondered what triggered that day. I only talked to har once after that, she needed a ride and no one was in town.
There is only one picture of her on her obituary page. She still looked the same. The description of her life sounded exactly like the girl I knew.
While I had not talked to her, I did wonder how she was occasionally. I sounds like she did well for herself and family.

I am sad and my world is a bit smaller, now that I know she is gone.

Well 2025 is here.

Started ok. I was home. We were awake till midnight. And…. Nothing. I tried to kiss on the hour, but hardly got a “happy new year” response. I did hug her, She wasn’t interested.

So at 1215 when the tones dropped, I was in my shoes and heading to the door before the description came.
Structure fire. Whoop,whoop! No lights on the car so I kept it around 80.
First one to the station, start the truck, open the door, get in my gear. L shows up jumps in his gear and says “you drive”. Great. He just wants to fight fire for the new year.

I climb in, L jumps in the right seat. I look up and J is walking in. Sweet he can drive. Nope he is doing that twirly thing with his fingers as he opens the other truck door. Poop. Airbrake off, hit the light master and the D button. Crap I haven’t been in this one in a while and have never driven it in my gear. Big boots are an issue. The Q is screaming. L says ooops that’s me. End of driveway turn left. L,is on the air horn, Q is back screaming. Oooops that’s my foot, there’s a q switch on the drivers floor? Didn’t remember that.
At the flashing light, start to turn left, L says I think it’s across the street. Yep. Sure is a guy standing in the street 100 yards ahead. Narrow gravel driveway, in for a penny. Can see the shed, fully involved. Pull up to it, remember to hit the airbrake, N, engage the pump, D. Jump out. L is pulling hose, I open the tank to pump valve, hand on the forward line valve. Waiting.
L nods I open the valve set pressure to 100.
3 more guys pull up. They are grabbing air tanks and tools. J shows up with truck 2. 3 more guys show up. 1230 on new years and we have awesome support. Fire is beat down fast. Sherif walks by. B comes and asks how much water we have left. 7/8 tank remaining. He smiles big says “the 3 new guys are going to train” I back the pressure to 75. No need to slam anyone, and they will get more out of it.
30 minutes later we are at 1/4 tank, overhaul is done and we are cleaning up.
Refill the truck at a hydrant on the way to the station.
Back the truck into the bay, tell everyone happy new year and head to the house.

It is almost 2. Let the dogs out, wash my hands. I know she will be in bed. Walk in kiss her forehead “I’m home” (obviously, maybe that was a stupid statement. ‘I played Engineer”. ‘Mfffph”. I was a bit pumped on adrenaline and hoped to get to express a little of it.

Take a shower. Scrub with Dawn cause it’s good enough for ducks. Crawl in bed, try to spoon. I know she is in full flannel PJ’s I was just hoping for human contact. Nope.. she is really not interested in touch.

Great I’ll just handle this myself…. Nope I don’t have any desire to touch me either. Lay in bed till 5. Fall asleep.

1015 phone rings. “Are you going to get up?” Nope. No fucks to give.
Noon. Dogs jump on me. Guess I should move. Grab some old paperwork to take to the trash. Start the year out with a symbol.
Make a burrito from leftovers.
Watch a ball game.
Cook dinner. Do some dishes.
Go let other dogs out and feed them. Back to the house.
No conversation can be started, best response is one word answers. Normal response is silence. 6 pm

Finally talk about buying a replacement vehicle. What is my opinion? “Pick one”.
9 pm
She goes to shower