am_huegel's Blog - page 2

been christmas shopping for myself today... it was not really planed that way, but what the hell, it was on sale and i had been looking for it for a while now.
i got myself a straightening iron (nothing to do with the ongoing gay-thread ) that also works as curling iron. two in one so to say. sure i had to test it right away and the straightening part works great, but i think for the curling part you need quite some exercise. on the dvd that comes with it (i know, that one is weird) it looks really easy, but as soon as my own hair is in there it pretty much becomes impossible. but i kept on trying and now i got one (!!) nice curl. sadly enough the rest of the hair only got straighter and straighter. i think i know how i will spend my day tomorrow...3hrs of trying to curl my hair, being frustrated and eventually straightening them all before anyone sees me (they might be scared otherwise).

that's when i heard the very first christmas song this year. actually one i kind of like "rocking around the christmas tree". i was kind of happy that i lasted so long without any, i was on my way to my parents, so what the hell, i will sing along. and i had fun doing so.

then i get home.

and i notice a noice comming from the house that almost made me turn on my heel: "last christmas". i hate this song. i really do. this song gives me all kind of hate feelings i do not really want to go in detail over. but well, i am a good daughter, so i get into the living room. and what do i see there? my dad is actually singing along! i mean last christmas is punishment alone, but with my dad singing along it is pure horror. luckily he saw me only seconds after i entered and finished his, well, unique performance.
but ever since i cant get the song out of my head... plus the mental image of my dad trying to be a rock star. trust me on that... really not a great combination.

...that start bad and end worse. And that is the kind of day I had today. When the alarm rang i so hoped that i had somehow mis-set it the hour before (jup, that much sleep last night), drank somewhat close to a liter of coffee within two minutes and drove to my job. There I was bored for two hours straight before hell broke loose.
My boss came over (oh boy, i hate her) and told me that she has looked at my work closely lately. Then she started to list all the things that she thought i did wrong within the last couple of weeks. She actually did that for a whole hour, within hearing reach of my colleagues. Well, i could have lived with that, but the really bad thing was that she made quite some false assumptions. I got shit from her for things she had understood in the wrong way. plus she wouldn't let me say anything about it. the conversation was pretty much like that:

Boss: oh yes, do you remember the thing you did three weeks ago, that went so wrong. i cant acutually believe how that idea came into your mind.
Me: Which thing?
Boss: well the xy-thing. you remember, the one where you did ..................................... (long description of what i had done in her opinion, or not done.) that was wrong. you could have done it this way, and it would have worked.
Me: ehm... i am sorry, but you misunderstood that. this is not what i did. i actually did
Boss: that is your opinion of it? so tell me what you think.
Me: well, i think
Boss: no. you are wrong. this was not the right way. this is not how it is done. you have to do it like .....................
Me: i am sorry, but what i really did was
Boss: i know what you did. and it went terribly wrong. you did ................
Me: no, this is not what i did. i actually made
Boss: and then there was this other thing where you did................

continue for one hour until she leaves with the sentence "i hope i have not been too harsh with you. Gotta go now."

at the end of this conversation i was | <-this high with hat.

ever since i want to punch something or have really rough sex. i already went through the first parts of the anger management, and by now i have calmed down to a probably human level of anger.

Oh, and yes, in case you were confused by the half sentences in the dialogue, no, there are no parts missing. i was just interrupted by my boss. like a million times.

off to find something to kick now

there are plenty of looks one gets all day long... bored looks when sitting in university hoping the lesson will be over, surprised looks when you say something strange, confused looks,...

but today, on my way home i got a look that threw me off.

imagine:
you are walking home... same way you go every day. just 2 corners before you are home a guy (you do not know) comes from the other direction. first he checks you out up and down (not really easy with my kind of winter clothes... but whatever). then he gives you that smile. a smile you sure as hell did not expect. a smile that says "i had sex with you and had loads of fun at it"

so ever since my brain is on overdrive. first thing was a mental list of all guys i ever slept with. no hit there. then i thought about guys i might have had a few naughty moments with in a bar or so... very short list, no hits. next list was of guys i ever talked to (especially when a bit tipsy... i am not shy talking sex then), no hit with those i remember. the last list so far was a list of neighbors i remember... when the blinds are up they do get to see me undressed once in a while... but no hit there either.

so all together i can say: either my brain is in worse shape than i thought, or he mixed me up or i missread the smile... but he got me thinking... without probably knowing it.

and what do you learn from it? be aware of the way you look at someone... it might be your fault the person has to go through many lists in their head

update on the text guy: he finally gave in today at 10 am (until then i got loads of messages but since i put my phone on silene it did not bother me too much. His last two messages were kind of funny though, although i am pretty sure he did not mean it that way.

Message 1 this morning, the second last: i am sorry, but i am too old for such a youth-culture thing like a rubber.

Last text (so far and hopefully forever): he talked about it with his ex and they both now think that there is only one reason why i won't have sex with him without a condom: i have a rubber fetish. and this fetish he found out must have something to do with a sexual assault that must have happened in my past. This caused that i am not comfortable with personal contact any more and have sex with condom only. His last sentence then was: i am worried about you, seek psychological help.

I am sorry but that is just plain stupid, annoying and whatever other negative word you find: What has his ex to do with it, how does a condom prevent personal contact, why are condoms a youth cult and last but not least: i never was the victim of a sexual assault and i am pretty sure this is true for most condom- users.

I really hope this is the end of his texts, i sure can't stand them any longer.

oh boy... some people are just so stupid they would have to be in constant pain if stupidity hurt.

imagine a nice conversation. me and a man i considered meeting up with. all together we get along well. until i mention the fact that it's condom only. ever since he is bitching. i mean i told him plenty of times that its condom or no more contact. but what does he do? he sends me millions of texts about how stupid I AM. i would miss out on the great pleasures only a unwrapped cock (his to be precise) could give.

i told him to fuck off and ever since i am not answering his texts any more. and there are plenty of them. within the last 3 hours i got exactly 86!! doesn't he have a life? buzz... another one. so its 87 now and counting.

darwin, where are you?????????

... how do teachers do it?

I just prepared one lesson for one class... and it took me 7 friggin' hours! Ok, it is a lesson for which I had to prepare more than usual but still, seven hours? Sometimes I wish back to the days when all a teacher had to do was stand in front of a class and read out whatever he thought should be read out.

But now, in times when students should learn through experience and doing it themselves a teacher has a lot of work if he wants to plan an interesting lesson.

Don't get me wrong, I think this method is much better than the other one, but for a teacher it is simply impossible to prepare 5 or 6 interesting lessons each day. I rewrote texts to make them suitable for the students age, prepared worksheets (with pictures of course to make them more attractive for the students, but then again the pictures have to be found as well) and solutions for them, made my lessonplan, made signs, created posters and all that for one lesson.

Sure, I will keep that stuff and I might be able to use parts of it again in one? two? three? years. Till then I have to store it somewhere and that takes up quite some space after a while.
And I am not even talking about the fact that some of the information I give them today will be out-dated by then and has to be redone IF I want to hold the exact same lesson again.

I am telling you, whatever you think about the workload a teacher has to do, you are underestimating it.

i should not have stopped by the dvd part of the online sex-shop. i really should have gone somewhere else. i do not care where, just not there.
i was just kind of browsing through when i see a dvd that sounds really nice (and i cant delete those ). more or less while thinking if i want to buy it i keep on klicking. and find a whole bunch of great ones. this is just not fair. i mean i have been looking once in a while and all they had was crap. and now almost the whole stock sounds great. this is just not fair!!

...now has a name. mine.

seriously... something like that can only happen to me. i still want to kick my ass. ahhhh!! give me something else to kick, please!

wanna know what happened? ok, i will tell you, but PLEASE do not laugh at me.

i taped the most resent simpsons episode last night (had plenty to do and could not watch it). i just pressed rec and let the tape run (yes, i still have a vcr-recorder) for more than two hours (there were 2 episodes- equals one hour).
today i decided to take a break and watch it. when i noticed that my "random stuff-tape" was on top of my TV. "what the hell?" i thought. how could i tape the show yesterday when there was no tape in?
and suddenly a BIG light bulp lit in my head. I remember what tape i had in there.

*mental kick again* a pretty good porn flick i watched a few nights ago!!! Which now has quite some time missing. and the simpsons in the middle of a fuck-fest are not really blowing me away.

the two questions now are:
a) how could i forget that and
b) why didn't they remove that little plastic cap which are there just to prevent stuff like that?

i want to scream and kick myself at the same time!!!

don't get too close to me... sneeze!

a cold caught me and is now making sure tissue industry makes profit and that i look and feel horrible.