This past year has been one of the worst years of my life so far.
I have/had something wrong with me, which has affected my personal life, relationships, mental health and general well-being. I've been balancing on the edge of depression the whole time, and have fallen into some very dark thoughts..
Yesterday, after almost a year of countless appointments and tests with GPs and doctors, I might have finally got a conclusive diagnosis. I really do hope they're right this time. This whole time we've been going down a blind alley pursuing physical conditions to no avail, and now, after an appointment with a specialist, he's convinced it's a neurological disorder.. cool, huh?
The biggest suspected root of the problem is stress and anxiety... can you believe that? Something which seems so minor and dare I say easily treatable, is what has caused my life to be a misery.. I almost find it hard to believe. I hope the diagnosis is correct and the solution to all of this is something rather quite simple. I've been put on pretty hardcore antibiotics and antidepressants to help combat everything. I just read the side effects and it's likely during the next few weeks my depression will actually get worse, and if I've had suicidal thoughts before they're likely to return. I'm certainly looking forward to that! *rolls eyes*.. aha! ...it is actually quite a scary thought
I don't want to go into specifics and detail what is actually wrong with me, but I feel writing this and sharing just something will help get it out of my mind.. This whole awful chapter of my life I've only shared with my best friend and just a few people online – you know who you are, and I am eternally grateful and thankful for all the support. Just knowing someone cares and offering their friendship on the dark days means SO much.. Thank you.. I might not be here otherwise.. thank you so much.. really, I wish I could give you all the biggest of hugs..
I hope this is the beginning of the end to this ordeal. I really, really hope it is..
*fingers crossed*