gpflem's Blog - page 3

A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold. When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised.

Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!"

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?

I have sex on my mind all the time. It is always there. It is so constant I cannot concentrate on anything else.

To help relieve this problem I went to see a psychologist. He told me we would do an ink block test. He would show me an ink block and I would tell him what I saw in it.

He showed me the first and I said "Thats a young couple in bed having sex".

The next - "That is a young girl on her knees giving her boyfriend a blow job."

The third - "Oh that is a couple in the bush having sex against the tree."

He said "You certainly do have a problem."

"Me?" I said. " You're the one with the porno pics!"

When Miley Cyrus gets naked and signs a song while licking a hammer its called music and art.

When I do it at the hardware store I am called a drunk and told to get out!

Had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed I was a muffler.

Woke up exhausted

A dog was giving birth to puppies on the side of the road.

Councils Local Laws officer fined her for littering.

Well Anzac day has come and gone.

I didn't do the dawn service or go to the march. I did watch some of it on tv tho.

There was wall to wall football all day and night. Sadly my team got beaten.

Although I didn't attend any services it still doesn't take away my thanks and respect to all those that served in any theater of way in any capacity.

This song makes me tear up. It is about Vietnam but I think it reflect sall conflicts to some extent.



Lest we forget

called his station.

"We have a problem here, a woman has shot and killed her husband for walking on her freshly mopped clean floor"

"Have you arrested her then?" asked the Sargent.

"No. Not yet." came the reply

"Why not?

"The floor is still wet!"

I was at the hot bread shop getting a few rolls for lunch and was chatting with the young girl serving me.

She said she was in year 11 ( second last year of high school ) and I asked what subjects she was doing. School stats again this week. One of the subjects of course included English and I asked what books she was studying.

She wasn't sure but she watched a movie last term.

Watched a movie????

Shit I know it was a long time ago but when I was at school we read books in English and went to the flicks for fun or on
dates!

I am getting so old!

I got my hair cut today. About time too as I was starting to look like a long haired lout.

As I was sitting there, eyes closed,I realised I really enjoy the experience. I like the feel of the scissors clipping my hair, the comb against my scalp. It is soothing and I relax and almost fall asleep.

I wonder why I wait so long between getting my hair cut then?