Yesterday evening, Helene, my neighbour, came over for a nightcup, which was a glass of Italian Red or two, and she complained about her marriage. She was rather tearful, actually, saying that her husband was working most of the time, when he wasn't tired, or doing some sports, or reading the papers, or, worst of all, sitting at the computer and most likely consuming pornography, as she had caught him red-handed with open pants. At the same time he was showing very little interest in her. And when they had sex once in a blue moon, she most likely felt like a masturbator's paper hankie must feel - she was little more than his cum-bin.

Incidentally, it was almost the same as Beatrix in Zürich had told me about a fortnight ago. She was sure her husband had an affair, which she would not even mind so much if he didn't lie about it and make it a big (although open) secret. She said it seemed to her that being a sneak was heightening his pleasure, and that was why he didn't tell her.

What should I say in such a moment? Single me, who is about to get married in six weeks? Must men necessarily be like that? Is it in their nature to regularly need new kicks in order to be sexually pleased? While at the same time I seem to change into the other direction - nest-builder that I have become. When two years ago I hardly felt like sleeping with the same guy twice, I don't feel like doing this with anyone but Phillip today (It does not mean I don't like an occasional peek at NN).

I had told Helene that we were having wonderful sex at the moment, which was not good - because it brought about some more of her tears. And half smiling she said that she just wanted to remind me: when we ever felt like sharing a good time, she would not mind being the third party.

For those who wondered what my first attempt at Sushi looked like: These are Chef Alpina's inside out tuna and salmon maki rolls.

I'm so nervous - the older I get the harder it becomes to start again after the holidays, although I got up rather early today and have everything ready for the first afternoon. And I have also decided what to wear - which is not easy, either. Now I have a few minutes time - that's why I have logged on to NN - and then it's time to get ready: to take a shower and get dressed, to put on my usual make up (not much for school, just some eyeliner and lipstick) and then it's time to leave. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well on the first day.

With the help of my internet recipes my first attempt at Sushi turned out well and Phillip and the two couples we had invited said they liked it a lot. I didn't do many different styles, just maki rolls - with tuna and salmon, and some inside outs which were a little tricky to roll. When we started to eat I told them to be careful with the wasabi, a friend had warned me.

Imagine that: I took up seshat's warning and called her "a friend". I had to lie, of course, when I was asked who the friend had been; but it was the first time my two worlds actually met. I don't know if this is a good idea, though.

I looked in at Irmgard's after shopping - I know I still owe you her story. She didn't have much time as she was travelling to see her family in the late afternoon. I was glad she was meeting people and not sitting around alone with her thoughts milling in her head. So I left her soon and went home to cook the sticky rice which my Japanese treat required.

Now I cannot wait any longer but have to think of school again, which is beginning tomorrow. Phillip is at the office, he was a little late because we are working at our pregnancy diligently. This means, among other things: just a little licking, but no all-the-way blowjobs in order not to waste any resources - but one gets used to anything if one just tries hard enough, doesn't one?

"I notice the colour of her hair and the texture of her skin and I wonder if there is a schoolteacher in Vorarlberg who looks much like her?" asks a very good friend after having seen Angelika Kauffmann's self-portraits - and according to Phillip there is a certain likeness: the form of the face (rather a little too round) the eyes, the hair and the texture of the (too) fair skin. Age changes features, of course, and time. And there is no self-portrait with glasses, or of what she was like underneath her elaborate dress. But her portrait in the traditional regional habit and my picture when I was wearing it are quite close. But then many young women here look like this.

There were so many good wishes for my (possible) pregnancy, and some good advice not to stop trying all month and have sex daily. Someone calculated which would be my most fertile days this month. What was also particularly sweet - someone sent me the photo of quite a personal fertility symbol: of his own beautifully hard cock on which you could read ALPINA in proud, big, felt-tip letters.

But the sun is coming through the fog and I'm going to town shopping. I'm trying to prepare some Sushi tonight for the first time in my life.

This is not a word I invented, and it does not refer to Angelika, Phillip's lovely daughter and our present boarder, but to my home area's most famous daughter, the painter Angelika Kauffmann. And angelcamad was the English aristocracy in the 1770ies who wanted to get paited by her.

Born in 1741 to a father who was a migrant painter, she helped him do his work already at 15. In her early twenties she travelled to London and became a very famous portrait artist and founding member of the Royal Society (all men and only two women). Later she got married to an Italian painter and spent her last years in Rome, where she became famous for her Salon, a meeting place for artists and intellectuals as famous as the eminent German poet Goethe. She died in 1807, exactly 200 years ago.

This is why there are some big exhibitions at Schwarzenberg, a little Vorarlberg town and the birth place of her father, and in Bregenz, the Landesmuseum. We went to both, and I admired Angelika again for her courage, her intelligence and her dedication. She went her way single-mindedly, she was a woman of great talent and she knew it, and she was successful. And all the same, she was sensitive and never forgot where she came from. She was in constant postal contact with her family in Schwarzenberg and when she died, they got most of her wealth and her works.

Phillip said he had forever lost his heart to these dedicated Vorarlberg women who were of the right mettle and knew their worth. And he smiled his most radiant smile at me. Why should I contradict a man who is so wise and knows so much?

[url]www.vlm.at[/url]
[url]www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angelica_Kauffmann[/url]

Thanks for your good wishes - although I don't feel much yet. Flcamfan, you have known me so long and it's true: I am quite a different person from then - more mature maybe (I hope you agree!) You have a wonderful wife and you are a devoted husband. I hope people will be able to say this of Phillip and me, too, one day.

Before we arrived at the cable car on the day I told you of, we came across a little exhibition of paintings. In was not a professional gallery, but rather something the local tourist board must have organized to entertain the guests with some culture. Nobody was in there, but we entered and had a look around. The paintings were partly abstract, partly concrete, with some text collages or musik sheets underlying the paint. We liked them and were glad for the artist that the most beautiful of them were already marked with a red sticker, which meant they were sold.

On the next day, after becoming pregnant (touch wood !) Phillip suddenly said that we were just driving through the village in which the artist was living. He had taken a visiting card in the exhibition, on which we could find her address. So we asked our way to her house, met her and told her we had seen her exhibition and had liked her paintings very much.

She was very pleased about our spontaneous visit and asked us in - she lives in a similar house like mine, and she is exactly my age. We looked at all her paintings and finally decided to buy one which Phillip and I had liked at once. It is about 40 by 40 cm, quite abstract, in bright yellows and reds, and it shows two people in some kind of embrace, or maybe they are dancing a tango.

It's already up on the wall of my living-room. And - maybe, maybe, maybe - it's the symbol of our child's conception.

I hope your expectations are not too great, but what happened to me was so special: maybe it was only that time and place were perfect, maybe ... but here's my story.

Sunday was a sunny autumn day and the forests as yellow and red as on depotguy's pictures. We drove over a pass I had never crossed, and we came into a valley about two hours from home; I have to admit I had never been there. We took a cable-car to a mountain top, had a meal with a ravishing view, went for a walk to the summit and finally came down to our hotel in the sharp light of the early evening.

After a while, Phillip asked me to follow him through a long corridor in the hotel, down some stairs, and then we were in front of a door on which I could read "Fun for Two". We were in the pool and sauna annex, and the room we entered now contained a private bath and sauna. Phillip locked the door - we were alone for 90 minutes.

The light was dimmed, and there was some relaxing music playing. While a big, round bath-tub was filling, Phillip carefully undressed me, and when I was naked, he carried me to the tub. The scented water was pleasantly warm, and there were changing underwater lights. For some time we were sitting in there, and Phillip was washing me carefully - it was like a wonderful ritual.

Then we moved to the steam bath - there were colourful lights again - this was all one could see through the dense steam; it smelled wonderfully and I felt as if I was floating. Then Phillip towelled me down and led me to an ergonomic stone bench - for a moment I was lying there in front of him as if I was on an altar.

And then he fucked me - not wildly and mindlessly like so often, but carefully, meticulously. It was the very first time without a condom for a long time. He had saved himself up for me all week, while I had been in Zürich, he whispered into my ear, and it didn't take long until I could feel him cum into me, so wonderfully long, and hot, and deep, that my mind almost went blank.
And then we were lying there, side by side, holding each other, and I felt his sperm in me, finding its way, I hoped, going to where nature wanted sperm to go. When all went right, when I was really as fertile as I felt - then I was pregnant before we left. We were lying there until the lights went on and our time was up - so that Phillip's precious fluid stayed inside me and not a drop could leave me before its duty was done.

I am back and I have so much to tell - although I was only travelling three days within a 2 hours' drive from home. But doing this with Phillip makes the world appear so different. It's been beautifully sunny up in the hills and mountains, but at home it was mostly fog. Now it's cold in my house and I have lit a fire. I'll be sleeping soon, but tomorrow I will tell you something really fantastic that happened to me - something I might not forget for the rest of my life.

WOW, I come home from my short trip over to Betrix in Zürich and I have SEVEN NEW FRIENDS - if it was as easy to find friends otherwise .... It's a new function I have not really looked at, but it seems very nice, and I will try to acquire some friends of my own as soon as I understand how to do it.

I have come back this morning, and I am still a little tired as we had a late night, this is Beatrix and me. We said we wanted to go dancing like in the good old days, and so we did. Before, we had been in the mountains for two sunny days, hiking all through the wonderful autumn colors, talking a lot about ourselves and particularly listening to each other, which is even more important. Beatrix had a lot to tell - her marriage is on the rocks, as one could say, and she is unhappy. So she was glad for a shoulder to lean on.

And we were shopping, of course: a winter hat, and a scarf, and two pullovers, and a skirt, and some boots for the coming winter to look good even when standing at the bus stop in the snow. Some of my favourite black cotton thongs of the Swiss brand CALIDA which are my favourite (you would like me in them - LOL).

The funny thing is that in the next two days or so Phillip would love to drive me around a little - he has his Sunday off tomorrow and asked me when we phoned if I'd like to go to the mountains with him because the weatherforecast is so good. I asked him if he also needed a shoulder while hiking - and of course he didn't understand, but said he had not thought of hiking, but ravishing autumn views from mountains, a spa to relax and a lot of good food. So I will just have time to do some washing and going through the mail before I leave again tomorrow.

I have decided to spend a few days with my friend Beatrix in Zürich. I have not seen her for a while and there is so much she said on the phone she wanted to tell me. And we might do some shopping, or travel to some place - who knows. I don't know when exactly I'll be back, certainly for the weekend. Angelika will look after Phillip, she said, and I can be sure that she won't do it in a wrong way ...

So see you all soon - and enjoy your week, too.