I sometimes wonder how much freedom I should give to my dark Syster Hyde side and how far I should let her go.

I am Dr. Jekyll - Alpina after all, well-liked by some and respected by many. So why wallop in dirt, why allow being used and debased? Why turn into a common cum slut into which random people empty themselves (though only symbolically as they all use condoms, of course)? Often, I am really perplexed - as much as many of my friends, did they know, would be genuinely shocked. And I think even you, my dear regular readers, who know me better than anyone else, have uneasy feelings about what I do and how much I let myself be debased. Will it taint me, even destroy me?

But then - if I have a dark side, if this is part of me - if I can open up so much to my desires and the formerly xxxxxxxxxxx - it is maybe not a weakness, but an aspect of strength? I don't know.

After marking essays for three hours in spite of the wonderfully warm and sunny weather, I decided to stroll over to Elsie's for a coffee or whatever they would offer me. They didn't answer the bell, but when I walked around their house I found them sitting in the sun. And this at the end of November. Where has the world come to?

First I almost didn't believe my eyes because Elsie has obviously been to the hairdresser's. Her hair is quite short now and dyed red. She looks a full ten years younger when seen from some distance. In her new jeans and pullover she looked like a teen. She was sitting to one side of a wooden bench, and Küken, her young colleague, was lying on the bench, her head in Elsie's lap. Her eyes were closed and Elsie was playing with her blond hair as if she was a child. Joerg was sitting on a second bench and reading the Sunday paper. What a scene of domestic bliss - and all without me, as I told myself with a little pang of envy.

We had some coffee together and tasted the lovely cake Küken had taken along. When the sun started to set, I left for home again while Küken will also spend the evening with them. I have to do some more work for school.

Although I still felt quite battered and aching in many places, I went to the annual School Autumn Ball last night. There is some tradition for this, and the students carefully decorate all the rooms and put on their nicest clothes for this occasion: the guys wear suits and the girls their short black dresses that show a lot of skin and give evidence of how young and beautiful they all are.

As a teacher you try to dress nicely, too, not too showy and revealing because it's ridiculous to try and compete with the girls; I have a nice red dress for this accasion - not too long and not too short, not too low cut, showing contours, but no cleavage. It makes me look like a teacher, but not like an old spinster, which is the look many of my colleagues wear.

So I spent a lovely evening, with good food and some dancing, some interesting conversations with former students and, I freely admit - some very sweet compliments. So all in all, it was a harmless, totally unerotic event - maybe besides some thoughts and fantasies guys always cherish - and the former student with red ears who offered to take me home after 2 a.m. got a hearty handshake for a thank-you before I got out of his car.

I slept long this morning, and immediately went to town, and I only came home after four - it also gave me time to think what to write about last night.

Dressed just in our black thongs, we remained in the general area of the club for some time first, just to stroll through and see what was going on. There was a great masculine surplus again, but there seem to be women who come here just for that, or then they are prostitutes who are engaged by the club to make sure everyone gets his share. In a room a woman close to 60 was sitting in a circle of much younger men, and she was jerking a big many of them, while some more where jerking themselves. Wherever there was a woman, there was also masturbation in great style, while in another room some women were fucked while there was some kind of queue of guys wating for their turn. There was such a crescendo of foreign voices and moans you could think they were about to build the Tower of Babel.

Upstairs is was quiet again; their were only seven couples when we arrived, and at least three had already been there last time. So they knew what I liked. As soon as Aldo had put me on this table-like structure and slid off my thongs, I was approached from all sides and soon felt hands and tongues all over me. There was a woman this time who sucked my pussy particularly long while her hands were all over herself and her husband was watching in admiration.

And soon the atmosphere became quite frantic again: each one tried to do a little more than the others, and be slightly more aggressive. From the beginning I was like in a trance - I was all feeling. It was as if my whole skin was one big membrane which vibrated with every little sexual stimulus, with every little touch. Aldo said later that I looked as if I was shaken by one gigantic, never-ending orgasm. And I felt that way: helplessly lost in a body that seemed to burst any moment - only a little more, only a tiny little more, and then I'd be smashed in a million little pieces.

I remember little - once some pain when I was entered anally, while two guys tried to stuff their cocks into my mouth as I turned my head sideways. I don't know how many people had satiated themselves with the help of my body, and how many times - when it became quiet around me and I felt that Aldo cradled me in his arms. I was drenched in sweat, and so was Aldo, who as usually had had his share of the women while their guys had been digging into me.

While driving home he told me that the last woman he'd been together with had ripped his condom from his cock and taken his whole load into her mouth, but she had not reckoned with so much and almost choked. But by that time I had already reclined my seat, and felt cosy and very heavy and warm.

Just a short blog again in the morning before I leave for school. What lovely weather: they said it was going to be close to 20°C today, an unheard of temperature at the end of November. It was very nice last night, Elsie and Joerg did everything to make our visit a little good-bye party, with snacks, and candles, and champagne in the tub. Angelika was really moved by so much genuine friendship, and she looked beautiful and absolutely pure and innocent like never before. You could see so well why men were attracted to her and what made them pay such big sums to touch and corrupt her.

After Jacuzzi we were not in a hurry to get dressed, but sitting round a fire in their living room after towelling each other down. Joerg was searching for wet areas on Angelika's body long after her wonderful coffee-brown skin was dry, to which she just smiled. Angelika was not in the least self-conscious as she was sitting there like a goddess in her perfect nakedness, and we mortals with our life-worn bodies could but be stunned and full of admiration.

Tonight I'll drive over to the swingers club again with Aldo - as a treat for his performance and to have an eye on Sister Hyde. I might not have time to blog before I leave - but I know you will be with me in your thoughts.

After nine Angelika and I will stroll over to Elsie and Joerg for Jaccuzi. Although she is going to leave tomorrow, she said she'd love to say good-bye to my friends and relax together with us in the hot tub. Actually, Elsie and Joerg don't know anything about Angelika working as an escort, and I am planning to leave it that way for the time being.

Elsie was quite excited and visibly rejuvenated last time I met her. Joerg was back from his course and she told me she had slept with him immediately after he came into the house. And it had been good - it was so much better when love was involved, she said. It was lovely being fucked by Aldo - but it was absolutely wonderful to be loved - and fucked - by her husband. I can understand ever so well what she means. But it seems all the same she would not mind doing it again if chance came her way. It does not always have to be love, does it?

What I had actually planned - to see how well Elsie can deal with freedom if it is sombody else's - is to ask Angelika if she would sleep with Joerg. She might not really mind, and he and I could keep our relationship the way it has been for a long time. Last time Joerg had another woman, Elsie left home for some time and stayed at her sister's house. Can she stand Joerg doing what she did? This will be the ultimate test of her new attitude.

Unfortunately Angelika is going to leave us for I don't know how long, so I have to put off my little scheme. But as soon as Angelika has agreed I will inform Elsie, and then Joerg will not have to get hard in vain any longer when he sees her. But tonight, alas, his hardness will not be more that another homage to her beauty.

In the list of the most visited blogs I have overtaken someone today who is one of my oldest acquaintances: flcamfan. He already knew me when I was blogging here a long time ago under a different nick, which was too close to my own name, as I had to find out painfully. He was one of the first persons to write a comment for Alpina. Although he has not been so active anymore recently, he is still something like the soul and the conscience of the whole NN blog and forum, a calm, positively thinking, wise man, a doting husband with an alert mind an a good sense of irony. I never miss his blogs - I was his 20'000th visitor, although he does not write so much, and it's always worth reading because - as he says himself - he only blogs when he has something to say - not like some people (including myself) who don't follow such a wise rule.

Yesterday was a special day for me here at NN: I got eight text messages of people who really mean something to me - I was so moved while reading them that I almost had to cry. So much care, so much goodwill, so many positive feelings for me and the people around me, particularly Angelika with her momentary problems, but also Elsie and her developing personality. I know I'm runnning the risk of becoming a total blog addict, which would not be completely sane, but I feel so much sympathy here while in my daily life I have to give and give - and there is hardly anyone who takes his time for some positive feedback. So let me embrace you all, you sweet people who write me messages and comments - I love you.

I know who 19'999 was, and who 20'001 - a very good friend of mine and faithful Alpinist, but I don't know yet who was 20'000 - maybe someone who just stumbled in because he had taken the wrong door. Thanks to all, my lovely readers, I love you all and I so much enjoy writing for you. Something you are possibly not aware of is that if you have been reading all my many blogs here, you know me more intimately than anybody in the world - there is for example noone who knows so much about me among non-online people (you see I already hesitate to call it the "real world", not even Phillip, or Elsie and Joerg. So close you have grown to me, that last week I even asked someone's online advice in sexual matters - you will hear about it later.

But now to Angelika, or I'll miss it again. You know what her fear was when she came to me, namely that the guy she was with when he was arrested, a fairly well-know bulider, would spill the beans to the press and involve her into a scandal as he knows she is the step-daughter of another prominent figure in the building trade. What now happened, however, is at the same time outrageous and obvious - so obvious that I do not wonder at all.

The day before yesterday, the builder was released from police custody and allowed to go home unharmed. Conincidentally some politicians have been flexing their political muscles, and as he is in the right party, and so is the person responsible for the prosecution of fraud, it seems that the evidence against him has melted like ice in the sun and all was just an unfortunate misunderstanding. The general public dind't have to be informed, of course.

So no public scandal after all - which is quite a relief for Angelika. The guy is now comfortably at home, and the few days in prison seem to have made him pretty horny - because he asks for Angelika now and he wants her pretty fast, a nice female voice from the agency said on the phone. And because he still knows whose step-daughter she is, he threatens to make her life pretty unpleasant if she does not leave for Vienna fast. So she has arranged to fly back on Friday evening.

It's so great to come home from the bus, get changed, open NN and find a comment like Manic's - I am going to feel good all evening. Tonight I might also have my 20'000th visitor. I wonder who it is going to be this time - last time at 10'000 it was Syd, and if I remember well, I wrote him a friendly and very personal message.

What's the week going to bring me? For Friday I have promised Aldo to go to the swingers club again, as a thank-you for his performance last Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, too, as my Sister Hyde side has been resurfacing in the last couple of days, and she deserves some fun, too, doesn't she? But what she'd love best is a good, healthy surprise, she feels, a one-night stand with a guy who can hardly grasp what is happening to him - maybe I'll accompany her one of these days when she goes to town. Like in the good old times. She can be such a predator, or do you say predatoress? predatrice?

What I actually wanted to write about is an interesting development in Angelika's affair, which she told me just before, during dinner. I would never have expected that. But on the other hand side - what else would you expect? Have the full story tomorrow - for now I'm diving into some schoolbooks and prepare my five lessons for early on Tuesday.

"Just realise how lucky you are to be able to give free reign to your desires", is what a friend wrote in his message yesterday, and he thought there was no reason to be worried about what happened to me on Saturday. And today, on a new day, in a new light, I am willing to agree with him. When I got up at eight today, the sun was rising over the mountain ridges - it was close to freezing, and yet the sun rays found my naked skin and hugged and warmed it. I had gone out onto my porch directly from bed to cool down a little before taking a shower and getting dressed. And I was standing there the way nature had meant me, and looking over the snow topped mountains, under a wide, blue sky - and I was suddenly certain that life is wonderful and living my main goal - and not worrying about yesterday's spilt milk.

I think it's good to follow my feelings and desires and to let my body take the lead.