"I was wondering about all those friends you had wonderful times with in the past and where they are now, the men and the women. Do you sometimes, when quietly masturbating relive some of those scenes and long to be back there just one more time?" is what a very good online friend asks me in his PM. Actually, I hardly ever think of the past while masturbating, I usually look forward and think of what might come. I tend to imagine scenes - so masturbation is not a nostalgic activity for me, but a longing for what might arrive. Maybe one day the five guys who masturbate over me and cum as I look up from the dirty ground on which I lie - as in my deep desires ...

Oh, the men and women of my past: remembering them warms my heart. Some have died (the Editor has), some have moved away, some have gone different ways. Some I meet now and then and we smile, like Aldo. Maria sent me a Christmas card, Leon didn't. I don't often think of what I did and what I was like before getting married, I must admit. It's a new life now. Only when reading my private diary, or my blogs from years back, then there is a distinct memory of past emotions, and I feel deeply grateful and a little sad.

In the last two days Phillip and I were travelling all around the Zürich area by car to look at a few houses which are to rent and which the company pointed out to us. None of them is ready to move in right now, in some there are still some people living, and most of them have to be redecorated first because they have been lived in for a long time and need modernizing and a fresh coat of paint. Our wish is that we can move in before spring, before the beginning of the garden season, which would be before April, preferably sooner. In the meantime we will stay at a company flat in Zürich itself. I have never lived in a flat for a longer time all my life, so I wonder what it will be like in three bedrooms and a little balcony.

What is very positive: we have seen a house I could imagine to stay in. Would you believe it: there is even a little pool in the garden, although out of use for ages. It's all wood and a little neglected, but quite charming. Some kind of a Chalet, about 60 years old and last lived in by an old lady and a number of cats. But for reasons of bad health she had to be moved to a home for the elderly shortly before Christmas. The rent will be pretty expensive and it is about 30 kilometres outside the town, but with a train-station not too far away. It will be redecorated (and aired to get the cat smell out!) But there we could definitely feel at home for a while, and I think even be happy.

Such a lovely holiday we had. It's good to be in a flat when there is a baby around, and we had a lovely one overlooking the mountains and the village. The disadvantage is maybe that one has to go shopping and do the cooking like at home - being at a hotel and hogging through all the fancy buffets is certainly more comfortable. But Angelika was a dear and took a lot of work off me; she didn't ski and acted as our nanny all the time, so we could be on the slopes as often as we wanted. Unfortunately the weather was pretty horrible, so all in all there were just a few hours of skiing in the sun, but boy I enjoyed them.

During New Year's Night, after we had welcomed the new decade with some lovely marital sex, Phillip and I were talking about what our wishes were for the time coming, and while I said having another baby, Phillip thought that it would be wonderful to enjoy our sex life as much as we could and practise a few things we have never done or not for a long time. And he grew hard again so quickly while saying so I couldn't believe my eyes. Well, we didn't exactly express the same wish - but after all one will certainly lead to the other, won't it?

So adventure may be coming my way (and something to report to you, my sweet readers and friends). May sexual fulfilment also be given to you as often and as much as you wish for. All the best for the New Year, and kisses,
alpina

Who would have thought this - one of the presents under the Christmas tree was a bright red envelope and when I opened it I could read that I had been given a week's winter holiday in the Tyrolean Alps with my whole family. We had never talked about it and I had thought Phillip would work between now and New Year, but he obviously won't. Instead we will be staying at a lovely mountain chalet, and Angelika will come along as our babysitter, so that I can go skiing for part of the day. I had already wondered why she had arrived with such a big suitcase on Christmas Eve - that was the reason. So I'll be away from tomorrow on and only come back after New Year. Have a good time meanwhile, my readers and friends, and let's hope that 2010 will be at least as happy as 2009.

I wish you all a wonderful, peaceful Christmas - and may all your wishes come true. And if they don't in the next few days - don't lose your hope. Miracles can happen all the time because there are good people everywhere. Don't forget: it's them who make your wishes come true and make you happy.

Angelika will also be with us tonight - she phoned this morning and asked. We had told her before she was welcome, but she didn't know if there was somewhere else she wanted to go to, because she will be with us tomorrow anyway, when Phillip's parents come. They will travel for most of tomorrow morning and even spend the night in my house (which has become our house) - an absolute first for them. It's their grandchild which has made them change their minds for sure.

When I arrived home with my shopping bags there was a bouquet of flowers in the kitchen and it was from Elsie to thank me for my friendship. It moved me, I almost had to cry a little. One of my plans for next year is being together with Elsie and Joerg more often and really be close friends again.

Actually, I don't have much time for my blog, I lied and said I was tired and needed a little rest. So this is what I will have now for half an hour - and then back to work, so that tonight all will be fine and pleasant.

I have put up and decorated the Christmas Tree and I had a little helper who was totally enchanted, but not really a help. As she watched me put up the candles and glass angels and whatever things we have, she held to the branches of the tree to keep herself upright, and by doing so she shook the tree so that a few things fell to the ground and broke. I was pretty exhausted when I finished and just hope she will respect the little tree all day tomorrow.

Tomorrow night we will celebrate together: our little family with Helene and Oliver. She will look after the little one when we go to mass at midnight. I wonder what it will be like: it looks as if it's the first time with Phillip that we will not have sex under the candle-lit tree on Christmas Eve.

"Give Alpina a Happy Christmas - Buy her Gift Premium Upgrade here" is what I just detected in my profile. How easy it is to give happiness to me, my friends. I was wondering what to give to my mother-in-law, who seems to have been born grumpy and has never changed her attitude since. Might this not be an idea?

Most of all it reminds me that I should upgrade again to be able to correct my typos. And as I have decided to stay here for a little while, I will do this soon.

Now that my sexuality has found out of baby-inducted hibernation again, I see that it cannot be the same again.

I used to be so wild and careless, I could let myself go and fall into a dark pit of bottomless lust. The centre of my being was deep in my abdomen, my pussy was the entrance to this realm of pleasure and lust. When a suitable situation presented itself, and it happened often and without warning that I felt the pull deep inside me, a wave of heat warmed me from below and made my glands transpire moistness in abundance. Then my knees became unstable and I had to grab my object of desire and hold to it. And my mind went out of work and my desires took over and I lost myself completely to whoever was present - one man usually, but not often the same man twice, but also a room full of people in the club. Or Maria. And when I came to myself some time later, maybe hours, there was such a deep feeling of satisfaction that I thought I could fly, in spite of my bruised and cum-covered body. And I had some peace until the situation arose again, minutes or hours or days later. I needed it like food, nourishment for my desires, and it was like a meal - if there is no sex without love, then I loved many people for a while, but no-one in particular.

And now? What is the sexuality of a married mother? First and foremost, a mother is a being that always listens for suspicious sounds, day and night, even during sleep. And also when having sex. The baby is never far, it has become the new centre of my being, my deepest love. Naturally my body has desires, but they can wait. And when, for the time of an orgasm, I am all concentrated on myself, I wake up from it with some guilty conscience and listen doubly to make sure that all is fine and nothing amiss. I cannot let myself fall any more and leave my mind behind, it is all needed for my vigil and my perpetual care.

Even when I am typing here, I am listing into next door, and before Phillip throws me backwards over the kitchen table and when he helps from it shortly afterwards, we hold to each other for a moment and are quiet - and listen together.

There seem to have been some misunderstandings concerning yesterday's blog. First if you imagine me undressing on cam, revealing some otherwise covered anatomical details of my body, then this will have to remain imagination. I never cam in a sexual context (Are there women who do without asking to be paid for it?) When I am on yahoo, I am of course asked to do exactly this for a million times, but I definitely won't, even if some friends may be disappointed and think it's a lack of trust. As much as I love being naked when it's warm and inviting, as little do I think it's attractive to show individual parts of my body for masturbation's sake.

And I don't show my face any more, either. After some less pleasant experiences at the beginning on my online life, when I was seen naked by a father of one of my students who had posed as someone from far away and in English. I deleted all my accounts and denied everything, and fortunately I know a police officer in town who gave the guy a warning that he would get into deep water when trying to bother me. Then I swore to myself to remain invisible or not come here at all, and I will stick to this decision in any case.

I know of course that for a guy, revealing his physical pride to strangers without showing his face is a great turn on. When I am on Yahoo, virtually dozens of cams will offer themselves to be watched, and I sometimes do it when I don't talk to friends. Some have only opened their flies, some even handle their firm objects in their underpants and ask me if I like it, most have pulled down their lower garments, but keep their under-shirts on so that their cocks just peek from under the seams. Do I like it? What I like is an attractive naked male body.

The ballet which sluttysubbyboy mentions in his comment is something cruel, I am aware of this, and I never do it with friends, just with anonymous strangers. I open six to eight cams and put them side to side, and then I watch if the dancing hands find a common rhythm. Sometimes I called Helene over when I had a good one going, and whenever there was some cum flowing we clinked our glasses, and Helene, who was new to this, couldn't stop laughing.