Some of you may remember that I am very much interested in dreams and what they mean, and at one time, I even started to interpret NN-members' dreams in the forum (you can still find it with the search function). It didn't last long, though, because most people's minds here as directed at quite some other dreams - daydreams, not nightdreams - not more realistic ones, though.

This night, I went for a walk with Corinna, a girl from my last group of students I prepared for the finals and I was also responsible for her last big paper on English literature. She is a very shy, tall blonde who can hardly look into your eyes when you speak to her, but now she was radiant and all smiles, with her hair flying. How white her teeth were. We were walking hand in hand along a river and had taken off our shoes. How soft the grass was, how warm her hand. Finally we sat down on a bench close to the water, and she lay down and nestled her head into my lap. I held her tenderly, she said nothing but just looked at me with her big, greenish eyes. With my left hand I started to stroke her body and it was a pleasant shock that under her loose summer dress she was totally naked. Soon my hand rested between her legs and instantly my fingers were all wet. And that's when I woke up, next to Phillip, and I looked at my hand and it was as dry as usual after a good night's sleep when waking up on a sunny morning.

Indeed some food for thought for the interpreter's mind.

"But it is a brand new year and there will be opportunities to indulge in those things you love so much", ends a PM which I was sent yesterday - you are so right, spring is coming soon and all the spring feelings, although there was a little snowfall this morning, and there is a particularly precious commodity at my hand - time for myself and our little family, so different from all the pressure I felt while teaching.

On the other hand, my sexual escapades were very often some kind of answer to professional stress - being a teacher and all which is expected from you in this position, from being a role model to the children in all possible areas of behaviour to the keen interest one has to show to all that students, colleagues and parents do. So sometimes one cannot help wanting to get out of one's professional clothes and being one's naked self as soon as possible, or turning into a slut with no brains and all pussy.

My life is much more moderate and relaxed now. So why should I not try to bring the two antipodes together and use my brains and my pussy simultaneously? I hope so much that "there will be opportunities" - as I was told ...

Things I didn't do this winter:
- skiing, and I missed it so much
- going for long walks through a wintery forest
- going swimming in the munipicial indoor swimming pool
- Jacuzzi at Elsie's and running around in the snowy garden when it is 10° below freezing
- regular visits from my darker Sister Hyde side
- having explicit sexual fantasies of five guys cumming over me at the same time
- masturbating regularly in the early morning in bed
- thinking of Maria, the only woman I could have spent a life with

You would not believe, Gio, but I have bought an Italian course for the computer and installed in on my laptop. Unfortunately I have not switched it on very ofen since I stopped teaching and so I never got over the first lesson. Ciao, Pino, come stai? Buon giorno, Signore Rossi, come va? Molto bene, grazie.

What else am I trying to learn? To be more patient. To be a good mother who can read from her baby's eyes all that has to be done. To sing children's songs to be used as lullabies. To do my tax declaration myself. Not to be hurt to easily. In most things I have not come further than lesson one. But there is time.

I was asked about Joerg and Elsie, my best friends, whose baby died in Novemeber, a month before ours was born. They are still trying to get over their loss. Unfortunatly I cannot help them much in their misery because they have decided to have a rest from each other and lay their marriage on ice for some time. Elsie has moved to her sister in Klagenfurt and Joerg seems to bury himself in work. I have seen him now and then by chance and I have phoned with Elsie a few times, but I don't seem to be the right person for them at the moment to help them get over their grief. So there is no more Jacuzzi Thursday, which used to be such a wonderful, very sensual ritual.

So often I think that today I'll do my blog, and then something happens and it's Friday again and all is ready for the weekend. I have bought some fresh asparagus, they are from Mexico and have travelled in their short lives further than me. But they are absolutely delicious, particularly the first ones of the season. And the first time is always special, as we all know.

I have been asked about Helene. She still lives in our house and we spend time with her regularly. Almost all winter she has worked in the bar of a restaurant and has usually had late hours. But she is ready to babysit whenever she is in, so that I can have a nap or go to town for a little errand; sometimes she competes with Angelika who is allowed to look after Alpinita on a particular day. Ususally Angelika, the godmother, wins, but we are very happy that we have people who are ready to spend some of their time for us.

By the way, some of you may remember that Phillip and I were always very close to Helene, that we shared our bed with her almost regularly for a time and that it was very good with her. Latety nothing in this direction happened for obvious reasons. To be honest I thought that she and Phillip might have had one or the other romp when I was not there - I would not really have minded as Phillip was so very considerate with me and not pushing me to anything at all.

This week the three of talked about this over dinner and it seems they didn't, but were faithful to me in a way I had neither expected nor demanded from them. But I was happy all the same, and I had to cry a few joyful tears, that I had such sweet and wonderful people around me.

Thank you so much for all the lovely comments and wonderful PMs. It's nice to be remembered. I will be here with you again, practice my written English and particularly typing with ten fingers, something I have learnt lately. I am still slow, but nobody can type faster than think anyway, and so there is no hurry. When I think how long I typed all my worksheets and blogs with considerably fewer fingers, I can hardly believe. And I will also try to answer all the questions which you have asked me.

I got so much good advice from you lately, too, and you are right: I must begin to be myself again, a woman in her own rights, with wants and desires - certainly something a mum is not. Well, the old desires seem to be back, and things can arouse me again which I hardly noticed in the past few months. I looked at some pictures here - and yes, some can do it. Or films - when they are good. But most of all it's Phillip - I am about to rediscover his body, part by part, and it is just great.

Yes, we did it over the weekend - Phillip had been so patient and never ever urged me to something I was not ready for. But on Saturday, in the middle of all the people in the open air market square, I begged him to fuck me on that night, and do it good and long and as hard as it was possible. I said it in a fairly loud voice, risking that bystanders could overhear us; he looked around and in mock earnestness he put his hand over my mouth, but he knew exactly what I was after, and when I put a probing hand over his crotch, he was as firm as a rock.

We fed the baby, and we sang her into sleep. And then there was nothing that could stop us.

Early one morning this week, I woke up when Phillip had to go to work. Time and ago, he touched and kissed me before getting up, but recently he has tried to rise as soundlessly as possible and let me sleep. So he didn't know that I was watching him. He was standing quite close to me in the dim light of dawn. He took off his shorts for his morning shower, and his cock was still half erigated from the night - it looked so proud and adventurous, so very, very beautiful that I suddenly felt flushed all over. He left the room on tiptoe - and I knew that for too long a time I had looked at this man just as a mum, but not as a woman.

It is like coming up for air after a long dive in my pool - you breathe hard, and all is so bright and smells so sweet, and you feel free and easy.

I have been a mum for two months now, and Alpinita is the prettiest child in the world. I have never loved anyone so much. But now I think that it is time, and that I also have a right to feel like a woman again. I took a hand mirror lately and had a good long look at my genitals - and they seem unchanged. And to my probing fingers they felt exactly the same as before. And when I came to my first orgasm again, I truly felt is if I had found home after a long absence.

And I decided to come here again, too. Hello, my friends, thanks for waiting. And Gio, thanks for being back. And Phillip, patient wonderful Phillip, we'll do it together like in the olden days before the weekend comes to an end.

We don't live in a stable, but in a wonderful, old, wooden house. But all the same there is a tiny little baby next to me in a manger, sleeping peaceful. For all the animals in the world, there is only Dulcinea, our cat, nearby - there are certainly angels all around who look and protect us. In the olden days it was a boy, now it's a girl, and while the boy was born without any sex, my girl is the fruit of regular, wonderful, deep, god-given intercourse. The boy is saving the world - who is my daughter going to save, besides me, and maybe some of the people she will meet in the course her life?

PS: There are no three magis with precious presents, but there is certainly the Queen of the Family coming from afar and arriving soon. Will she also adore the new-born baby, like the story goes?

Thanks for your very good wishes, my dear friends. You find me a thoroughly happy woman - what I have experienced is the best which has ever happened to me, in spite of all the pain, and the fear. Nature is so wonderful - how could it ever come up which such a design. Or then there is a God - it almost makes one believe that she is there making sure that the world will go on.

You should see the proud father - he is as excited as I am, although she is not his first daughter. It is Angelika, as you will remember, but he was still very young when she was born and wasn't so close, as her mother didn't live with him. Angelika herself was here almost daily: she is going to be the godmother and she's looking at Alpinita as if she was hers.

Helene has gone away for some days - I told her to go although I was very happy about her support - but she mustn't sever the ties to her son Oliver, so she is spending Christmas with him and her parents. Elsie and Joerg are coming over often - it's not easy for them, but they are my best friends, and Elsie helps me whenenver she can. For Christmas we cannot do much this year - maybe go to church at midnight tomorrow - Angelika will look after Alpinita. On 25th Phillip's parents will come - I wonder what their reaction is going to be when they see their new-born grand-daughter.

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas and I hope your wishes will be fulfilled as much as mine. Kiss you all, my friends, and hug you tight !

I can proudly announce to you that I have become the mother of a wonderful, healthy daughter - on December 15th, shortly before midnight. I am back now from the hospital, still very sore, and with gigantic breasts full of milk for my girl. So sorry I was away for so long, but after little Max's death I was so afraid, and sad, and not feeling like anything much, particularly not like porn, or cock (beside one) or even English. But if all goes well I will come here more often again, or at least I think so at least. So if there are still friends out there, I have not forgotten you, not at all. I love you all for sure. So see you soon and have the best of times.