Phillip ...

... the dazzler
... the embodiment of traditional Austrian schmäh
... the Editor's pet
... the brilliant scholar
... the good-looking charmer
... the pussy opener
... the father of an angelic daughter
... who impregnated a Caribbean singer 20 years his senior
... who shook the Indian finance minister's hand
... who fucked an Olympic nordic skier in Torino
... the future foreign correspondent
... the dispenser of Austrian cum all over Great Britain
... the man who fucks security chicks with their guns on
... who makes a woman in Graz cum like nobody in the world
... the man who makes me laugh like no other
... who makes my knees wobble and my inside melt
... who can fuck me whenever and however often he wants

will spend the weekend with me.

I passed by Joerg and Elsie's house yesterday afternoon; all shutters were closed. When I rang the bell, Joerg opened. He was unshaven and looked as if he had been sleeping in his clothes. There were so many empty cans on the living room floor that I think he lived on beer this past week.

My main impression was that he felt mainly sorry for himself. He just did what a man has to do, he said in a low, hoarse voice: To dive in head-on, so to speak, when a pussy opens for him. He was like any man, very much like Phillip, he said, only that for him pussies didn't open so easily. Tanja was the first in years who virtually offered him to be fucked, and he was a man, after all.

But while the other guys had pussy all the time and got away easily, there was such a fuss about him. What did he have, besides Elsie? I was the only woman he had repeatedly seen naked besides his wife in a decade, amd although we never had sex, it at least gave him the illusion of being someone.

So if I now agreed to fuck him, he would do it without hesitation, without thinking of any consequences. Right now, on the spot. I would only have to move my little finger to signal him my consent, and off we'd go.

And he looked at my little finger ... and looked. So I looked at my little finger, too. But it didn't move. But I am familar with the plight of middle-aged men: if they cannot manage to be happy with the pussy they have, they get into deep water and there is often little more for them than desperation or humiliation. So I told Joerg I understood him perfectly well - but couldn't do anything for him.

Phillip will come for the weekend.

What shall I do?
What shall I say?
What shall I write here ....



.... when the fog lifts?

When Phillip entered in the late afternoon, he was all bliss, and you could see he almost burst with pride.

At about 11 this morning, he had had an invitation delivered to his desk - the Editor asked him out to dinner, to a posh restaurant, and of course he gladly accepted. There, he told Phillip that he wanted to make him his London correspondent for his whole press group, for a year starting this July. He would have his own flat in the city, in the Barbican center as far as I have understood, all expenses paid, and a considerable increase of his salary. This April, next month already, he should stay in London to try out evenything and to get used to the job.

Phillip was all excited, and he lifted me off the ground and whirled me round, like in an old-fashioned movie. "Imagine, London, for a whole year", he said again and again. He said he had accepted the offer at once. In April I had some Easter holidays and I could come along for some days, and in summer I would quit my job, or take unpaid leave, and then spend the whole of the next year in London together with him. I could study, or just do what I liked, or help him with his work, or whatever. This would certainly be just great.

Great - undoubtedly. Just that I had not planned to give up my job, because it will be very hard to find something similar ever again. But what is worse - I just had a sabbatical, and getting this means that you will have to work for your school for another five years or pay back your salary for six months, which would amount to about $ 35'000. So Phillip's joy and his quick decision could only mean one thing: separation for at least a year - starting in 4 months.

I suddenly felt as if I was lost in a dense fog.

Dear Tanja,

I don't know when you read this, I couldn't reach you on the phone and you have no e-mail, so this has become a conventional letter. I also know that what has happened is not really my business, but still I feel part of it and, in a way, also morally responsible.

I have introduced you to my best friends Joerg and Elsie, because the three of us have a very open and quietly erotic relationship and I thought that you, with your openness and cheerfulness, would fit in perfectly. And I think we had two wonderfully erotic Thursdays with lots of fun and laughter. I also had such good holidays with you, and I thought I knew you enough to trust you with my friends.

It could have been so good. And now this. Why could you not keep your hands off Joerg, why did you have to fuck him and swallow his cum? He is not so good-looking, his cock is not large, and I bet his lovemaking is rather unimaginative and uninspired - he is sweet and nice, a real, trustworthy friend, so why him? Just because he was horny? Just because he was lusting for you and you hadn't tried him before? Because you wanted to find out what was going to happen afterwards, how people would deal with it?

Tanja, I don't understand you. Joerg is a friend, and friends are for keeping. To do this, one has to be careful, and do nothing what might endanger friendship. One does not overstep limits, but you have certainly done so.

I am afraid to say that you have also gone too far with me. How can you be my friend when I must be afraid of you consuming them when I introduce you to people I like. I don't trust you anymore - because you are a danger to the things I like. Only with horror can I imagine introducing you to Phillip, and what might come out of it if you decided to experiment with him, too ...

So thanks, Tanja, it was nice to go some length of road with you, and I enjoyed it a lot, but here, at these crossroads, or ways have to part.

Take care,
Alpina

After talking on the phone to Elsie for ages, this is as much as I know of what has happened: on Sunday (at about the same time we made Leon's car gently rock at the edge of the wood) Joerg seems to have visited Tanja under a pretence, and in the course of about an hour, she sucked him off and they had wild and violent sex - of the kind he never enjoys with his wife (so his words).

Later in the evening he told Elsie of what had happened and insisted on her being tolerant and not reacting so prudish and uptight. And he wanted to have sex with Elsie and tell her to do what Tanja had done and which had made him cum particularly well. Elsie seems to have reacted with tears and anger, and she packed her suitcase and travelled to her sister in the same night.

Now this is not the first time she did that, because they have had their ups and downs before, and she said herself that she probably just needed some distance for some days.

What hurt me was that Joerg seems to have said that when I tolerated Phillip to have sex with others, he expected her to do the same - that in a way I had taught him to do what he did, and also that I had taken Tanja along to make him hot. And Elsie, too, used similar words, when she said not everyone was like me and didn't mind her man to fuck others, but that she was different.

I am sure they both were just looking for explanations and excuses and were not aware what they really said .... but I have always trusted them and told them everything, so it is hurtful when they make me responsible for their own emotional desaster. Or is it really my fault?

Coming home from school towards 1 p.m. I had a message on my answer phone that we might not meet in the jacuzzi on Thursday. Elsie has taken a time-out, Joerg said in a very quiet voice, and she is staying with her sister in Klagenfurt for the time being. To get to know what happened I'd better talk to her, or I could also contact Tanja.

I tried to reach all three of them immediately, but Joerg is at work, Tanja has some free days and seems to meet her family and the number I dialled to get Elsie at her sister's is out of use.

Something serious must have happened. From the information I have, this can only mean one thing. And I fear for the worst.

When I come home worn out from work, it's so good to turn on NN and read all the messages and comments. Thanks, Kat, you're so positive, thanks, Denis, for your story about how you made love in a car and knocked the gear out with your bum, so it started to roll. You made me laugh, although I didn't feel like it when I crossed my treshold.

Shall I tell Phillip of yesterday when he comes, later tonight? Shall what I did really make him horny and so enhance his performance? Shall it be between us when we meet? What does it make me when I keep quiet and expect him to be honest? So much confusion.

Why I did not marry Leon 15 years ago if we got on so well, a dear reader asks me. Because the moment was not structered that way. Because I felt that my life was still before me, as I was planning to spend a year in England. Because he opted for safety and I for adventure. Because I could not imagine to have sex just in this one way - and not wild and mindblowing, even if it was good. So he got married to a sweet, blond girl, who was a primary school teacher and gave him three equally sweet children, and who sexually never asks for more than he feels like giving her now and then.

And I left for England, and became what I am. So it goes.

During breakfast we talked about old times: we had been such a close group for some years and we will never forget what we shared then. At two p.m. Leon said he had time and would take me home - all the way to where I live. That's more than a three hours drive, and maybe I should not have accepted, but I did.

We first wanted to walk a little, like we often did in the past, and tried driving up to a lovely, fairly steep hill called Hörnli, close to Winterthur, but snow had set in and the higher we got, the more snow was on the road, and after all I wasn't wearing any boots which were fit to walk in high snow.

So we drove through the dim afternoon, stopped somewhere for coffee, and crossed the Austrian border when it was already getting dark. By then, I was completely back in my mind to the good times we had about 15 years ago, and my heart had widened to Leon - that is the reason why I suddenly asked him to turn into a little driveway and park his car at the edge of the forest.

We could have driven home and done it in my warm house. But I wanted it the way we did it then: Locking the car doors, reclining the seats, and undressing the lower part of our bodies while the rest was protected by layers of winter clothes.

First he showed me he had not forgotten how to use his tongue and still knew exactly which points to touch, and then he entered me and immediately I was familiar again with his slow, but everlasting rhythm - and while we were taking off for orgasm together, I looked up and saw the soft, white snowflakes gradually cover the frontscreen. Like in the past, we came at the same time, and clasped each other desperately for a while, and only let go when the cold became intolerable. Then I smoked a cigarette with him (Yes, I was a smoker once ....), and then he took me home.

Midnight, and all is quiet - the moment before I go to bed. I arrived here in Zürich at around two, and Beatrix expected me at the Mainstation. By tram, we travelled to their flat. Their two teenage daughters greeted me with joy. I have a very good relationship with them and they like their Aunty Alpina; I had brought along a fashionable t-shirt for each of them, and they wanted to try it on immediately. When they helped me unpack, the elder of the two said: Aunty Alpina, will you bring us some panties like you wear next time? I promised them I would when they were 16, and they thought that would take ever so long, a whole year or even two. So sweet they are.

After some coffee Beatrix and I went shopping and I had a lot to tell about Phillip and my whole situation, and it was good to talk to someone I can fully trust. For dinner we had cheese fondue (they seem to think we have no good cheese over the border ....). Then came the surprises: they had bought a ticket for me and invited me to go to a Rolling Stones concert with them on Aug. 5th - they had bought tickets this morning when the sale started. They said by noon they were sold out - all 50'000 of them. But they got 5, and one was for me. I embraced and kissed them - I've never seen the band live .... my parents had, and they often told me about it.

The second surprise was that Leon would come to breakfast tomorrow morning. Leon, who I had studied with, who had been one of the crowd, who had been my lover and friend. He was a teacher now, like me, somewhere in the flatlands of Switzerland. And I would see him tomorrow. Leon, of all people ... maybe that's the reason why I feel I cannot fall asleep right now.