Blimey where to start its been so long, I will have to break it down for you all, deep breath here we go....

Life after surgery..

Well the healing process took much longer than anyone predicted, mainly because the hernia incision transected an old ovarian cyst removal scar I had, its was painful for months and months, I finally felt recovered in March some five months after the 'simple' operation. I am well scared but fighting fit now thankfully...

Life in general...

Hmmm....I am still unemployed relying on the state for help, but finding it extremely hard to keep my head above water though, in part thanks to the new laws regarding benefits they brought in back in April...I live in a three bedroomed house, not alone, I still have my youngest son living with me but they dont know, he wont move out until I am completely back on my feet and financial stable and able to support myself. But one of the many new laws brought in now states if I live in a house bigger than my needs, I must pay extra rent for each unoccupied bedroom plus extra council tax, as the council tax allowance, the housing benefit has been cut for me because I do live in a house with too many empty bedrooms despite how long I may have lived here this tax is wrong and is certainly going to effect many people, poor, vulnerable people predominately and make thousands of us homeless. I also missed an appointment at the DWP- Department for work and pensions....Now if you miss an appointment even by a few minutes, or I am deemed not looking for work hard enough, they can now punish me by way of an sanction-stop your money for either four weeks on the first instance, twenty six weeks on the second or even longer, which is what they did with me for four weeks. They dont just stop your money though oh no, lets really piss off the poor slaves, they dont pay any rent or council tax for you either, so now my landlord is threatening me with eviction unless I bring my rent up todate I have to admit, at this moment in time its not a possibility and so unless I come to an agreement I risk losing my home of the past twenty seven years the fuckers. This new bedroom tax only effects people on benefits, the poor like me....The rich, the workers (I long to be one) Are unaffected as per usual and yes I am looking for work, but my past is catching up with me with every application it seems, in so much as I have an cannabis possession conviction going back to 2004, most jobs I am capable of doing all ask for an enhanced CRB (criminal record check)When you have a few hundred people, squeaky clean people chasing one job they are not going to give it to me with a criminal record now are they?? Trust me I know this as I have been knocked back from jobs because of this, I mean I am very unlikely to be going in xxxxxx or try to push it on anyone, I can see their point of view and I just have to keep trying and hope they legalize it soon!!
What Shelter has to say regarding the bedroom tax....[url]http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/housing_benefit_and_local_housing_allowance/changes_to_local_housing_allowance/bedroom_tax_from_april_2013[/url]


Things to look forward too...

Well I have something very very special to look forward too..I am expecting the arrival of the Madame Bovary, the Tough Bitch or Tara30 as she used to be known as...She arrives with me next week to stay and play. We are planning a mini tour of the UK to meet up with fellow NNers and I personally cant wait to meet so many of you although even I am not entirely sure who we are meeting yet or who made the list, but with the mutal friends we have both made here, I am sure there will be many pictures to post while she is in the country to prove it happened!! I have planned many days out, trips here there and everywhere for us I want this trip to be a memorable one and a happy one full on with laughter, love and good memories for her to take back to Australia.

My yarden...

I have grown some veg for the first time ever, I am amazed how quick things have grown here since we finally saw Spring arrive at the start of April, everything is on fast forward towards the Sun. I want to be self sufficient best I can, avoiding any nastiness sprayed on my veg, avoid any GM products hidden within, thankfully in this country any food stuff that has any GM (genetically modified) Products in the genetic makeup must be labeled as such I get a choice thankfully. I know this isnt the case in many other countrys and that is extremely concerning, I have been vegan now for many years I consider myself careful with what I put into this machine I inhabit although many things are hidden in foods granted, I can do what I can to protect myself by growing my own...

Conspiracy theories..

I do like to consider myself 'awake' not alseep, not a slave, not a sheep...I dont allow television to dictate to me what I need in my life that brainwashing device stays switched off, I avoid the controlled news/media I want to make my own mind up about the troubles in the world and the real reason for war being raged on the few countrys left that dont have the American dollar or the Rothchilds influence as yet but sadly if we dont all wake up to whats really going happening with this planet the elite will win the Americans will obtain total world domination Obama is just a puppet controlled by and chosen by the Rothchilds, by the elite, Kennedy was the only president brave enough to speak out against the secret societys he called them, he wanted to tell the people who voted for him everything he knew to warn them and he was silenced by the Rothchilds for sure as is anyone who might upset their master plan to control planet earth get the salves thinking and we have to fight with all we have to prevent the elite from taking over, fight to avoid the impending New World Order. I mean why does the American government want to disallow the second amendment and disarm citizens?? They dont want you or me, I think, to fight back when they finally make their move for world domination and absolute power over every single human and animal on this planet to really enslave us all. I know many of you will scoff at the thought of chemtrails, its absurd right?? To think any government would go that far to control us by poisoning us...You dont believe it really??? I have seen planes flying over not your average passenger planes either, spraying you can certainly tell the difference between a contrail and a chemtrail. They say its geoengineering working along side the very secretive HARRP project, they say its to control the weather, what bollocks and why then? Is it to encourage more farmers to grow Monsanto GM foods maybe??? I just want to know why???? Take alook at this... [url]http://www.geoengineeringwatch.org/facebook-user-account-frozen-after-posting-photo/[/url] Some are brave enough to tell the truth but 'they' try to silence them, never under estimate the power of the elite as 9/11 and 7/7 proved they are capable of anything to help them get what they want...I know I am opening myself right up now for ridicule but bring it on I am not afraid of ridicule I am very afraid however for the future I see before me and it is not good. Dont believe or trust what the television or the radio or your newspaper is telling you, there are only a few people who own big media companys, television stations etc, dont think they are always on your side and telling you the whole truth. Just open your eyes, open your mind take a good look at the world and WAKE UP!!!!

Life in general..

Well after that previous rant what can I say thats happy??? lol I know I am still fighting the unknown that lurks within, I can get so tired easily, my legs dont want to work much at all, I ache in my arms my left arm for some reason, but I keep going I wont be defeated by something cruising my body I have fought now for two years. head wise, well I know I have changed, the fluoride in the water has done the trick with me I feel, but I am fighting that too, they cant dumb me down any further lol. I have spent the past year or so quite withdrawn alone for the most part at home. I feel like something went missing deep inside my core that I am trying my best to recapture, that was quite obvious to the more perceptive of you with my notable absence (thank you for all the messages of support) It is as if I shut down or something did I am climbing back up now though steadily and I certainly know the Madames visit will help me enormously the lady understands me so well and she is good with hugs too. I will keep trying the job front too, being stuck at home is tough I have found, you find yourself becoming conditioned and we really cant have that now can we???? I am alive, I am generally healthy, I have friends, I have family, I dont need anything at all and for now I am still free. The Universe is kind, despite my screaming at it til my throats sore and my face is purple sometimes. I am fine really and I am a fighter and a kicker screamer

I have no idea how long this thing is, but I seem to have been typing and waffling on for bloody ages and I had a feeling it would be lengthy and we ladies love agood length! I apologise if it makes no sense I wont read it back just hit send as usual. I just need to find that switch if that makes sense?? I feel I am stumbling about in the dark mostly but I can see some sunshine for sure....Hope your all well I will certainly be around now I am premium again..I will get some new pictures done too, by way of thanks, takecare guys xxxx

Wouldnt be a blog without atune now would it?? Rather apt and funky trust me....

I will endeavour to blog for you all before the end of the week let you know where my head is at...I know I have soo many messages I need to answer too and I sincerely want to thank you all for those. I have missed you guys so much, its good to see you all and I will be around more now to cause mayhem as usual..Heres a tune for you you wont like but the vid is pretty good to watch....

To Freekforpussy and AKlegs have an excellent time in Bali you two love you lots..



I am still alive and I will get round to blogging one day.....

Hello all I simply couldnt sit in this chair at all these past four days, despite the pain medication, so I apologise for the delay with an update for you all.

I have found it really hard must admit these past few days, my sons girlfriend finally moved out on Tuesday, my youngest son has stayed with her too so apart from a visit from Lokistail yesterday I have been completely alone since I got home from Hospital. That has presented it own problems to be frank, I have not been able to stand for long so not been eating much, even getting up from the sofa takes some very gentle slow manoeuvring, takes a slow shuffle to the edge all the while saying oh ouch oh ouch!! Walking has been difficult too also getting in and out of bed I have had to be inventive there I have been in so much pain to be honest but four days later the swelling has reduced I am feeling a great deal better and I am going to attempt a walk later I have to go out anyway and there is no one else that can go for me anyway, well suppose there is but I have done that retreat thing I often do, ignore the door and the phone I am just fine by myself thing I do, stubborn is what I am, anyway this tramadol is bloody brilliant if I take enough lol. I am so over whelmed with the good wishes and positive vibes sent to me so far, as I say, I have found it so difficult to sit upright for any length of time I have been prone on the sofa for days now and definitely cabin fever is setting in now I simply have to get out...

Thats all for now, thanks again for the support you guys, you have no idea how much it means to me, I am hoping to be back with you soon, I still cant sit here for long. I have missed so many of you and after reading your comments your messages I am smiling so big and feel so much happier so nice one you lot. Takecare wherever you dwell and here is some gentle chill out for you trust me its very pleasant I dont always do noise and sometimes you just have to let some things slide...

So I get to the Hospital with 30mins to spare, I had to be there for 7.30am so I had to get to Preston bus station then another bus to take me to Chorley Hospital, it took me an hour and a half in total. I have to say I was so ready for a cuppa when I get there, but no chance if I was having a general. I was settled in by the ward staff, talked with the surgeon who would be doing the repair and talked at length with the anaesthetist mostly about my after care and pain management. Obviously with being an ex addict my tolerance for even the strongest painkillers (which are all usually opiate based) Would be very high, so he suggested I take home tramadol, which seems to be doing the job and he also suggested an epidural as opposed a general aesthetic. Oh I was excited at that as I thought I might be able to watch the procedure then. So off I went down to theatre and the epidural was administered...That was so weird feeling the drug in my veins heading down to my legs, my calfs, my toes and I was utterly paralysed from the waist down in such a short time like five minutes, such a bizarre sensation. I was then wheeled into theatre were I was greeted by the two surgeons and a rather good looking student far too young for me but what gorgeous eyes he had. I did ask if I could watch but it fell on deaf ears, I could see a reflection and watch most of it via one of the big lights they had, so I saw him cut me open in the lower right abdomen and get down through the peritoneum. Then they moved the bloody light!! But I could still see some of it and certainly feel all the prodding and poking about within me it was all over and done with in about 30mins so quick. I then was taken back up to the ward and finally given a cuppa tea it was delicious, then all I had to do was wait for the epidural to wear off which it did in about an hour, although the nurses looked rather shocked I was walking around one of them even said she had never seen an epidural recovery so fast in her whole career. I must be good at recovering from stuff like that I guess, they then arranged for a taxis to take me home and although I came home to an empty house I felt ok. I slept well last night, dosing myself up with the tramadol helped, my wound/scar is really swollen and indeed it is painful but manageable I dont suppose getting on my bike yesterday when I got back to get provisions would have helped!! I am planning to do nothing today if I can and I will keep an eye on the swelling if it increases I will seek medical help but so far so good, I will try to get a picture of it to show you gruesome or what?? lol

Thank you so very much for all the messages you made me cry and thanks fort all the positive vibes too they helped me enormously. I will give you a further update in a couple of days but for now its just ouch. Takecare you lot lots of love xxxx

Well the day has approached for me to go in as a day case to Hospital and get this Hernia sorted out. I am not at all anxious about it, its a very routine operation and at least I will get a buzz from the strong pain medication hey?? lol just being flippant again sorry.

I have been down, I dont think the constant troll attacks helped and now they are attacking friends of mine as well the bastards. I have complained to support on their behalf and my own for days and days now still nothing is done. But listen thank you so much for all your support, it means a great deal to me. I have not played on status now for maybe two weeks, so many have backed off because of the nastiness that is so prevalent on status now from a couple of knobheads. I want to say more, but it is only giving them the ammunition to shoot you with they need banning from status.

I best go get myself ready, pysched up for the journey to Hospital and for the day ahead. I dont have many positive vibes left in my stash so I would appreciate any spare ones you guys might have and I will be intouch with an how you doing update as soon as I can. Thanks to the good wishes sent so far you special people and takecare. This is a very funky, gentle little track trust me and just breathe......

I will waffle at you tomorrow, this is just some drum and bass I like these guys if you do too, which I appreciate might be highly unlikely with some of you, but the rest of you who I know dont mind it then crank up the bass xx


Also this one and so true...

Just wanted to say to you I love you, also I hope you recover well from your femoral hernia repair operation you had today and you now need to build up your strength.....



Ps I will waffle at you lot later today but thank you so much for all your messages thus far