Do you know what I miss all of the sudden?? Being in high school where just about every pretty girl was wearing a thong and didn't seem to realize or care that it was hanging out. Now if only I was the person I am now, then who knows?? I could be ears deep in the teen pussy!! Then again, it's kind of weird to think of that now considering those were all xxxxxxxx girls. Does that make it bad? Do I need to be spanked??
I happened to find this sex book I bought at the local smut peddler a few years back, along with a few other books and decided to leave it in the bathroom. Apparently it worked because my wife has been reading it and we've been talking about how much we miss sex. I can't wait to be able to go down on her again!! I know she could probably be going down on me right now, but maybe it's not fair. I can't return the favor for another few months yet. But when that comes, I'm going to find a way to tie her to the bed, strip her pants off, then bury my head between her legs and make her cum until the cows come home... and considering we don't own any cows, it'll be a while!!
I have to admit, because it makes me so happy, but a good majority of the reason I came to NN in the first place has been fulfilled. I wanted to find out that I actually turn someone on and the like me to some point. I'm not going to say her name, but I'm really happy about PMing with her. I can't wait until I can get her online again and pick her brain. I'm still trying to keep some boundries here so I don't do too much I may regret later, but she makes it hard on me (yes, that way too!) I suppose I should consider myself lucky she doesn't live overly close. I might just make a big mistake, if she were willing. She made it sound like she would be, but who knows? I'll choose to believe it, because I really, really want to!
Okay, back to status...

Well, I'm not planning on this being a long blog. Just wanted to mention that the other night my wife and I had another long talk about how we miss messing around and we think we're not doing a lot of stuff that we used to do, sex-wise. Not only that, but earlier in the night she approached me, pulled up my shirt and licked my stomach. I returned the favor by sucking on her neck, and we got a little sexed up for a minute. But knowing we can't have sex took a lot of excitement out of it. Still fun...

I just can't wait until we're able to mess around. I'm sure the first few times will be amazing! Plenty of pent up energy. I just wish she'd turn back into her teenager self and be ready to drop to her knees at any second and start sucking on me. Not that that's all I think of her, but I'd be willing to do the same to her and it's so hot knowing she could.

We were watching part of that Cathouse show on HBO and there was the one blonde girl who kept on trying to get with the other girls there, and my wife got kind of bugged by it. I seriously wonder sometimes if she's not the biggest fan of gay people. I know she doesn't care for gay guy sex, but even the idea of another girl in the bed seems to disgust her. I admit, I can't say that I'd be overly crazy about a guy going down on me or anything, but I suppose I'm open to the idea. I think it'd be so hot to see some other girl feeling her up and sucking on her tits and stuff. My wife doesn't have to do anything back. Although I should be able to do a few things to the other girl or else she'd be left out of pleasure.

Okay, that lasted a bit longer than I expected, but that's okay.

I guess I ran out of space...
Anyhow... I never asked her out. I ended up going through the same thing a couple years later when prom came up. I planned on asking her, but never did. I ended up going with a couple of friends that decided to go together. That was a bunch of bull, considering I sat in the front seat with the limo driver. Then I barely had any fun at the prom because I'm too shy to dance. Still am... which leads into plenty other stories of regret.
Oh! I know! There is that one time I went out for Halloween. I went with the same guy friend I went to prom with (the male half of that couple, I mean). I decided to go as Silent Bob, which was funny because although I'm as silent as can be, I was also as thin as I could be. Anyhow, I got to his place, costume on, ready to go. Then these two girls show up who are apparently friends of his. I was already in character, so I wasn't talking at all. We all decided to trick or treat together. I kept up the whole not talking thing all night, even when it kind of upset them. I don't know if they actually liked me, or were just feeling a little frisky. but they kept making moves on me. At one point the cuter one had her hand on my butt and just kept squeezing it. At one point my friend sat down for a cigarette break. The other girl wanted to bum one off of him and he agreed so long as he got a "titty show." Well, I was being strung around by this girl at the time that made me think we were going to be an item (which never happened), so when this girl agreed, I was a gentleman and looked away... REGRET!!! I could have seen a girl play with her DD tits in front of me. Not to mention that if I had stopped being a pussy I could have atleast made out with some (probably skanky) girls, and quite possibly much more. But no... I was an idiot.... AGAIN.
The point of all of this is what else am I getting into or NOT getting into that I'm going to regret years down the line. Who knows what would have happened had I taken any of those leaps? Oh well.

I've been having a bit of a think for why I care so much about getting sex. Is it something I actually want? Is it actually an expression of love? Is it just instinct? Am I afraid I'm going to find myself as a 54 year old man (age my father died) one day and regret all of the fun times I didn't have??
One time that comes to mind is when I was in 9th or 10th grade and I was invited to my first party in a LONG time. I don't even remember what the party was or whose house it was at. But what I do remember is that we were in the basement and they were going to play Truth or Dare. I was a very, very shy guy back then, so I was already scared. Sure, there were some pretty girls at that party so you'd think I'd be all for it, but I was just plain scared. On top of that, they said that if we were going to play, we had to stay in the room and all others had to get out. For whatever reason that scared me more and so I left. I sat outside the room for the longest time and played darts and just got bored. Never found out what went on inside that room. Could of had my first kiss or more.
There was also that time which basically covered the whole span of my high school career where I had the biggest crush on this girl. I spent 3 years in love with her. One day my good friends and I were talking after lunch but before classes started. I've been single for a long time. I barely ever had a girlfriend. This girl was talking to her friends nearby so my friends marched over to her and started talking to her. A few minutes later they came back and told me that they asked her if I went over to her and asked her out, what would she say. They told me that she said she'd say yes. That excited me so much. Then I sat there and thought about how I was going to ask her out... and thought... and thought... and finally I realized that I was getting way too shy about this and I was scared. I kept trying to psych myself into asking. I got close a couple times, but sure enough *BEEEEEP* the bell rang and everyone walked away

Well, lately my wife keeps mentioning how she misses sex with me. As a reminder to those that don't know, we've been forbidden from sex by her doctor for at least a few more months. So I guess that's good news that she misses the idea of my dick inside of her, but the problem in my eyes is that she doesn't seem to be willing to stick it anywhere else anymore. The doctor didn't say anything about those other holes. Not that she was crazy about one of those anyhow. haha

Anyhow, I'm just hoping that at the end of these few months she'll want to just jump my bones! It just hurts every time I see people on TV or on NN talking about not getting as much sex as normal people, and they're talking about only once a week. I mean, I suppose I should feel fortunate that I have someone to love and such and such, but if I were single, I could just find someone else. If the person I love isn't having sex with me, that means I have NO ONE to have sex with. I'm not going to get divorced over it, and I'm not a cheater, so I'm just going to stay frustrated, I guess. Well that and flirting with anything that moves on NN! haha

I swear that one of these blog entries isn't going to be about me complaining how I don't get sex or blow jobs or anything... It's just the way I let off a little steam.

What a strange place to have a serious conversation about your life and marriage, but yesterday I had a talk with some people through the statuses. Stole one of poor SlavePiken's statuses to do it, but I'm sure she won't mind. Her status was our slave!

ANYhow, we started the talk on how to get into the whole dom/sub relationship, because I wish I had that kind of power in the bedroom, and everywhere else too. But these guys were smart enough to know that it take a very deep level of trust in my partner in order to even attempt that kind of relationship. If I was at all uncertain about my relationship at first, they opened that gash even further.

I swear I'm not here to complain about my wife to no end in hopes that some pretty young thing will shuffle over to me and take the controls... although if I end up getting divorced then that sounds perfect! I'm just sick of being ignored sexually. I don't want to come off like a normal male and cry that I only have sex 4 times a week, I don't have sex at all. Maybe normally that might be a complaint, but the doctors have told us that she can't have sex right now.

I just realized I'm basically starting my last blog entry over again. So I'm going to try to go in a different direction here and get back to the point.

When the idea that maybe I don't trust my wife came up, it got me thinking. I was 100% sure I trusted my wife considering I would do anything for her, and I didn't really care what she did because I always trusted she'd come back to me.

I remember years back when we were drinking at her sister's house, she went off somewhere for a good number of minutes. After a little while people noticed that this friend of her brothers was gone too. Back in the day they used to fool around with each other. They found out that they were outside together all alone and it started bugging them. For whatever reason it didn't affect me at all. I knew she wasn't going to let anything happen and I wasn't bothered that she was just talking to some guy. But to everyone else you would have thought the world was crumbling. They kept telling me to go out there and break it up. Long story short, I never went out there, they came back in and it was no big deal. They just talked.

I swear that I trust her completely. I even let her play with someone once, but that's another story. If anything, she doesn't trust me! As much as she might say she does, I just don't feel it. Sure, I might not always be 100% honest about everything, such as the fact that I'm here on NN. In fact, numerous people have told me that she SHOULD be aware of it. I think I'm here out of frustration, and instead of cheating or hitting up dating sites or sex chat lines, I'm here joking around with people halfway around the world. I can't even seem to post an actual nude picture of myself, and the idea of cybering with someone still bothers me, even though it'd probably be a huge turn on.

The only thing I've really done in our whole relationship that would be damaging is when I went out with a friend of mine early in our relationship. Yes, the friend was a girl, yes she was my best friend for years, yes she was a co-worker of mine for many years, and yes we fooled around and she took my virginity. But then a lot of time passed and our lives changed around. We bumped into each other online and started talking again. My girlfriend (at the time) knew about it the whole time. The bad part came when I said we'd just talk online for a bit and not rush into a relationship again. Well that went out the window when this friend asked if I wanted to get together to catch up. Being as weak-willed as I am I agreed.

To this day, I don't know what was going through my mind. I don't think I was that smart back then... especially in the ways of love since that was basically my first girlfriend. I told this friend I'd hang out with her, but I never told my girlfriend. We hung out, we went to dinner, we went to a movie and just hung out like we always did. I was a COMPLETE gentleman! I didn't even have the urge to even touch this girl. The day passed and I ended up back at home. That was it! The problem came when she discovered (by snooping through my e-mail) that I had hung out with her. Why I didn't tell her before OR after, like I said, I don't know. But she was mad as hell about it. In fact, it almost ended us, except I begged for her to stay with me.

Now, I'm sure plenty would agree that even without actually cheating it was pretty crappy. I suppose so. I know I didn't think so at the time, but I know she got upset by it. I regret ever seeing that girl again. Not because of anything that happened, but it put a black mark on my relationship. Even though my wife swears it doesn't bother her anymore, she can't stop bringing it up when we get in fights. I think it's partly what made us stronger in a way, but I'm also afraid it made us weaker as well.

It still doesn't make sense to me though... it's not like after that happened she stopped touching me. In fact, things only got better from that point. We had sex, we went down on each other, experimented in all sorts of ways... basically all of my firsts were with her. Things were going great for a long time!

I don't know if it's because of that friend of her brothers that she thought that all guys want and expect blow job, but bless that boy if so, because she went down on me quite a bit back then. Of course, I'm sure that once a month would have been a lot for a guy that never gets laid (I can't remember how often it was).

I know we're married now, and maybe it's just plain harder to be that way, just like it's harder for me to try to be romantic. But for it all to just stop doesn't make sense. It's been this way for far too long.

Going back to the start, these guys seemed to think that my marriage is in danger of coming apart. I never ever, ever thought that'd be the case, but what if it is?? Things are not the same at all. We've grown together emotionally, and just about everything outside of sex is awesome. People can tell just by looking at us that we're an extremely happy couple.

Back when I hung out with that friend of mine, one of the biggest reasons my girlfriend (at the time) was mad was because we went and did the things hanging out that my girlfriend and I did while on a date. That made sense to me, because how could someone tell us apart? Well, now I can't help but wonder if I should be allowed to go have sex with some other girl because it's not like that's part of my marriage. In fact, NOT having sex with people would make it seem just like my marriage!

I know they say you can't go back, but I really hope to find a way to do so. I know sex isn't one of the most important things in life as a whole, but I'm not ready to become a sexless monk. I remember worrying about this being the last girl I'd be with, and I got over that, but knowing now that the only time she's interested in me sexually is to get pregnant messes with my head.

I know some people would say "hey, why aren't you counting all those times you had sex to get pregnant??" Well, yeah... it was kind of nice. If I were a normal guy, I could just disconnect my brain and have sex, but I can't. I'm not normal! I realized pretty quickly that she wasn't wanting sex with me, she was wanting a baby. After the first few times, I saw that there was no romance or sexiness about it. If anything it was more robotic. She'd masturbate just enough to get kind of wet, expect me to be hard, then I'd just pump away until I came. Before I used to try to make it last so we could enjoy it, but after I saw how it was, I just went full speed so it'd be over sooner. It wasn't enjoyable. In fact, I was excited when I found out she was pregnant not only because we want a baby, but so the robotic sex would stop.

Just like last night! After the longest time of not getting anything, I got a little bit of action. I had recently connected our computer to the TV so it could be used as a second screen. So when she got home from work I went to a website and started playing some free porn movies (yes, she likes porn). Well, things started happening because I basically MADE them happen. I rubbed her legs, rubbed her sides, massaged her breasts, etc, etc. Well I started rubbing between her legs for about a second, then she started just rubbing herself under her underwear. "Cool!" I thought, we're going to be doing something. I let her touch herself (since we can't have sex) while I licked and sucked on her tits. She really likes having her nipples sucked on, so that's what I did. She got really excited and came at least twice. After it looked like she had enough, I backed off. Within three minutes, she was snoring. I let her sleep for a couple of minutes, then she woke up. She stood up and excused herself to the bathroom for a few minutes. When she came back out, I was half-watching another movie while I had my pants half off. She asked me if I was some sort of sex addict, then sat next to me on the couch. It really hurt because it was at that point I realized I wasn't going to get ANYthing in return. Even if she were to just play with my toes as I jerked off, I'd be happy. About 30 seconds later she started bugging me about laundry.

(Wow, that was a big paragraph. Sorry to my English teacher!)

Well, I think I complained enough! I just don't know how things are going to get any better when we bring a child into the mix. I should just admit to myself that I'm doomed to jerk off on the toilet in the couple minutes I get to myself for the rest of my life.

I didn't give this much thought until a bit more recently. True, I've only been here for a little while, but I think I can see what it's all about (with the exception of premium). The part that is bothering me now is why I came here in the first place. Don't get me wrong; this is a wonderful place. I'm just trying to figure out if this is the type of place a married man, who has no intention of cheating to be.

I've thought about this before, and what I've come up with so far is that my wife doesn't seem to pay all that much attention to me sexually anymore. I know, I know, that's how all relationships go. You get married and your love life dies down. But ours hasn't died down, it just died. The only time we've had sex in the last two years has been to get pregnant.

Before you ask, yes, she is pregnant. And this isn't a matter of her not wanting to have sex while pregnant, because that concerns me too. Especially since she is classified as "high-risk". (ask me personally if you want more details on why) In fact, the doctors have said for us to not have sex.

But this isn't a new thing. We've barely had sex in YEARS. And even if we weren't having sex now that she's pregnant, she could very well do OTHER things to keep her husband satisfied. But she never seems interested in even touching me.

Going back to when our relationship first started, we were going wild on each other. Testing things out, 69ing, even attempted anal sex (first for either of us), and just about whatever you can think of. Her and her friends used to write erotic stories back and forth, and they were really dirty. But give her a few years with me, and that all dries up, I guess.

ANYhow, what this all comes down to, besides just a TON of whining, is that I think it hurt my confidence a whole lot. I've been driven to a sex life that consisted of porn, porn, and more porn. I watch more porn now than when I did when I was a teen and had my own computer in my room and no girlfriend.

I think I came to NN, not only to see real naked people (I have a thing for non-porn stars, but rather stuff that actually happens) but also to make friends, and possibly have some people say I have some worth. I'm still shy about uploading pictures of me naked because I feel like that'd throw me completely into the "up to no good" category. You may have guessed, my wife has NO idea I'm here. It's been suggested to me that maybe I should tell her and get her involved. As hot as it'd be to hear girls commenting on me and guys commenting on her, I don't think it'd work.

The worst thing I've done so far, as far as "up to no good" stuff is talk to one of her best friends on FB without telling her. We talked about sex stuff but not like "Oh, I want to bone you" or even "what kind of underwear are you wearing", it was more about experiences and this kind of stuff. I had no intention of making a move on her, or anyone else. I love my wife like no other!! But I do have to say that when I fantasize about having sex, she doesn't factor into it at all. I'm ALWAYS cheating in my thoughts. I think that's a turn on too, even though I'm not the cheating type. A heavy flirt, but not a cheater.

Anyhow, she's asleep on the couch next to me and I'm kind of missing her. Maybe I'll make another post sometime soon (if NN's servers have any more room!)

I had a dream last night and I wanted to update this blog so I could remember the details of it. I hardly ever have dreams that are sexual in nature, and if I do have one, I can hardly remember it. So hopefully this will be the end of that!

Like most dreams this one doesn't make much sense, and I'll warn you now, it's pretty sad for a "sex" dream. But the thing that excites me is that it stars one of my ex-co-workers that sat at the next desk. She was really pretty and thin and always wore these shorter skirts with stockings, which I LOVE. Plus she was cool enough to actually talk to me from time to time. But just in case, I'll just call her KH. Who knows, maybe her husband is on this site!

And now that there is WAY too much hype:

I'm not sure what kind of class this was, but I don't remember really seeing anyone else in it but KH and I. I knew that there were others in this class, but I don't remember my dream even making bodies for them. In fact, I barely even remember seeing a teacher, but I know there was one. I think the class was to try to expand our minds, because I remember us both handing in these purple folders that had all sorts of brain teasers and other kinds of puzzles in them that we did. She also handed out another page with another assignment.

Now this is where the dream makes some leaps, because I'm sure that KH and I were talking, but I don't remember what about, and suddenly we're on a couch in a house instead of a classroom. But the thing that's strange is that we treated it like we were still in class. The teacher was supposed to be back any second, but we just talked and talked. I don't know how this happened but at some point I was suddenly down to my boxers (we didn't take my clothes off, they were just off) and we were under a blanket. Funny thing was, is that I was wearing the same boxers I was sleeping in. They were pretty loose and had an opening that just kind of hung open.

I don't know how this happened, not that I'm complaining, but suddenly she's running her fingers up and down my naked leg. She keeps going further and further up my leg until she starts running over my boxers. Then it seems like she just wanted to check over the area of my dick and discovered that her fingers just slipped into the opening in my boxers. At that point she couldn't help but to feel how soft the skin on my dick was. I know I wasn't all the way hard leading up to that point, but afterwards I was rock hard.

She starts feeling my up through the opening in my boxers, but it doesn't really go anywhere past some light rubbing. That alone was driving my wild, but at the same time I don't make any sort of move on her because I'm married. But at the same time I don't stop her either.

She looks over at me and says something like: "You know that Payless Shoe Source near us here? You know, the one right over there near us?" Even in the dream I didn't know where she was talking about because I still don't know where I am. But then she says, "I want to take you over there and give you a blow job."

"Oh my god!" I say back, with excitement in my eyes, "It's been so long since I've had one of those. I don't even know how long!" Which is sadly true. But she looks back at me with this sad look of pity, which then turns into determination. She was acting like she was on a mission to get me to this store so she could suck me off. I guess it was a pity blow. I remember standing up and looking outside to see a bunch of cars and snow (which there is no snow here).

But this is where the dream goes bad, because I wake up. As we all know, that is the end of it. No matter how I tried to go back to sleep, it didn't work. I wanted to shoot myself at that point because it was the hottest thing that I've ever seen. A girl that turns me on like no other is basically begging me to drop to her knees and suck me off.

I realized pretty quickly that my wife wasn't in the bed and she was in the shower getting ready for work, so I thought maybe I'd continue my fantasy dream as a daydream and "finish" it myself. Well, I added onto it, but it didn't really go anywhere. I couldn't help but wonder why she wanted to take me to a shoe store. It's not like there are dressing rooms. Then I just figured she knew the people that ran the place and we could go in the back room.

But even after imagining her blowing me, which then turned her on so much she had to turn around and grab on to the shoe racks as I ripped her panties off and started screwing her from behind, it didn't lead to climax. How frustrating!

Shortly after trying a few times to cum, my wife finally came back in the room. It's at that point that I started thinking about the dream as a whole. The one part that really bugged me was why we were going to a shoe store. I figured that it was some sort of trick to where she'd tease me with a blowjob then get me to the store and say she wouldn't do it if I didn't buy her a pair of shoes. I totally would have too! I'm not made out of money, but my male mind values hot girls sucking me off more than money.

If there are any people that can interpret dreams out there, let me know what this one means!