NOTE: Just for giggles after a few years on here

I don't Skype = If you saw me you'd realise I'm a 50 year old man, not a 21 year old busty blonde

My previous account got hacked so I started a new one = I found an old account and ripped off the pics

I've uploaded 10 non nude pics on day 1 of my new account = I've ripped some pics from my ex's facebook page

I'm a sexy babe, humiliate me = I'm a guy who loves humiliation

I'm a sexy babe, humiliate me via this email address = I'm a guy who wants you to spam an ex as she blocked my sorry ass already

Some recent pics = Some scans of some old 80s polaroids that I haven't even bothered to straighten up

We meet as a couple = I will meet you and my other half will mysterious be held up and it will all be really awkward and clear you wanted some 1 on 1 action all along

In my life outside of NN (I do have one! lol) I am a professional film and video maker, doing corporate jobs and a bit of broadcast too.

I'd love make a video of and with one of the hot girls on here.

Maybe you want a video to post on here? Or you've done some self-shot videos and didn't like how it came out? Or you want something better than a homemade effort?

I'm more from the narrative side of film making. So I'd be keen to try something different, with a bit of style and sexiness. But that's something we would discuss beforehand.

Not after doing this for cash - just for a mutual bit of fun and to make something sexy. It will be a professional looking video, but not done for professional reasons. You'd own it at the end.

I was speaking to some NNers about it and they thought it was a great idea, but are too far away in another country. So I'm posting on here looking for girls nearer me.

I'm in the UK, central south coast. Send me a PM if interested.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=r9z5AFQx3Ng

thanks to fivestargirl for sending to me

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely..... .


A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?'

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'

The blonde and the lawyer

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to New York.

The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains' I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5, and vice-versa.'

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, 'Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me £5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500!.' Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five pound note and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the British Science Museum. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her £500. The blonde politely takes the £500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, 'Well, so what IS the answer!?'

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer £5, and goes back to sleep'

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. I told her, "of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will." Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly, replied Jack. I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that."

Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.

"Exactly," replied Jill. And if you don't change your f*cking attitude, you never will."

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink.

The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets. She starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar, A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you
drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits. ..
At two seconds the Baileys curdles ..
At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"

She smiles widely at him and says.... "Blow Job Revenge"

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around their penises and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.


Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?"


The husband agreed, and they tied a string and weight to his penis.


A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"


"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.


"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"


"No, it's turned black."

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