Have 2 offers for extracurricular fucking in the next month. One with a man I met here, one with my college b/f. College b/f is still controlled by mommy, who is filling up his schedule, so that one may not work out. Would love to see him tho, since he is submissive to me and WANTS me to use him as my fucktoy. The man I met here is totally hot, into me, but I have never met him in person, even though we've talked and skyped lots of times. Thinking about "dropping in" on him and his wife...I'd be wearing a body stocking, "fuck me" heels, and a trench coat, which would happen to fall open as she was talking to me at the door.

Gawd I wake up soaked every morning... such awesome dreams!

As I said in my last post, I haven't been on NN in a while. Well, something about the snow and cold makes me extremely horny. A few days ago, shaved my pussy and took some pictures. I found a vibrating toothbrush and wondered how it would feel, so I tried it out (it feels amazing) and made a very short video.

I posted the photos and video a few days ago. (As a standard member I can POST all the videos I want, but I'd have to be a premium member to see any video.) Imagine my surprise when I found out my NN friend Kyle bought a premium membership JUST to see my VERY amateurish video. I have to admit, I was more than a little bit flattered. However, I did call him a dumbass(in a friendly way), because I would have the video to his private email address for FREE!!! Heck, I would have made him a new video with my face and whole body in it! (Note to self: I better start making that video, because I have a feeling that Kyle will want to see it, at least I hope he'll want it.)

I think Kyle was worried that I was blowing him off, because we hadn't talked as much as we have in the past, and we haven't video chatted since before Thanksgiving. So, I can see why he thought that I might be losing interest. HE is incredibly sexy, and I was worried that I was the one that wasn't going to measure up.

It took an incredibly long time to upload the video to NN, partly because my wireless connection would crash when the video was about 85% loaded. I finally figured out how to hardwire the internet connection, and the upload finally worked. Anyway, by the time I did that, I was about to lose my "alone time", so I didn't have any time to send it to Kyle.

Anyway, we are going to Skype next week (I'll just have to make sure the room is dark so he cant see how fat I've always been....maybe a spotlight on my pussy, but everything else swathed in black??)

It's been a little while since I wrote anything. Heck, it's been a few months since I've even BEEN here. Anyway, I am still talking to the sexy man I met on this site, more than a year ago. We talk on the phone multiple times a week, and we've skyped a bunch of times. We were going to get together last March, but he didn't want to do it, which did hurt my feelings, I have to admit.

Here's the problem - he is incredibly edibly sexy, even though he's old enough to be my dad. He has a great voice - smooth and creamy, and hearing him whisper my name as he cums inside of me would be absolute heaven. He keeps asking for more pics, and wants to skype more than we do. So what's the problem??


Well, he is in incredible physical shape. I look pretty decent in clothes, but naked, not so much. I've had 3 kids, and my belly is a little flabby. My thighs have always been a little heavy. My skin is pretty white, especially this time of year.

I've been avoiding skyping with him because I feel fat and unattractive. He probably thinks I've lost interest, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. What I need, and I feel like such a needy person for admitting this, is for a man to tell me how sexy and attractive I am, and how much I turn him on. Not fakey compliments either - that's even worse than nothing at all. I wish that I KNEW he still thought I was attractive. In my head, I think he still finds me sexy, because I havent changed in a year (no drastic weight gain or change in appearance). BUT in my heart, emotionally, I need to HEAR it on a regular basis. I need him to tell me that I am sexy and smart and desirable and that he wants ME for me, not just someone to fuck. (He could have that any time he wants, even though he denies it.)

Anyway, I wish I could get comfortable in my own skin. Usually I am a pretty self confident person, but looking at myself in the mirror naked is hard...I can't imagine anyone thinking that I am attractive and sexy, with all the good looking younger women out there.

Well, the skypeing was totally awesome...I had nothing to worry about. 90 minutes seemed like 25 or 30 minutes, and I was genuinely surprised when I finally looked at the clock on the computer screen...We've done it twice, and I wish we could do it more often. I think he shares that feeling, too. <dripping sarcasm...the part me THINKING he wants to do it more often..> I KNOW he likes it, and there are WAYS that I know this for sure, even if he didn't say a word!

We started out exchanging PMs, then we chatted on line, moved to phone conversations, and then the webcams...yes, I think there's a pattern here...does anyone else see it? This whole thing is sooo cool, I feel like I've known him forever, and we are compatible in lots of areas (not just the physical ones.)

There's only one problem. Every time we do something else, increase the level/amount of interaction, I want more. There's only one thing left, really. I guess I'm greedy, or horny or smitten or I don't know what else. I keep waiting for my internal warning bells to sound off, but it hasn't happened. At this point, I dont expect it to.

I have NEVER done anything like this before, never expected to do anything on this site but look and post a few photos of myself, certainly NEVER expected to do what I'm doing and what I am seriously considering doing. BUT...and this is the hedonistic part.. I am going to go with the flow, see where it takes me, and not try to overthink and overanalyze.

The skype cam-to-cam "event" that we had to cancel about a week and a half ago is now on. I'm pretty excited, but scared too. I've never done this before, and when I tested the camera, the clarity is really good...lots of pixels and great color. That's good and bad... I'll be able to see him really well, but he'll see me, too. Yes, he's seen pictures of me (lots of them LOL) and I even made a short video for him, but live chat is something else altogether. On the plus side, it will be much easier talking to a person instead of a camera...I felt so silly talking to the camera when I made my video, so I was way more self-conscious than I would have been if I had a "live" audience of one.

He's done some very cool photoshop stuff with pictures of both of us together, and I know that requires him to blow up the photos of me to almost life size. I send him my "raw and unretouched" photos - he says he likes them better that way, but maybe it's just because my photo editing skills are so rudimentary.

He sees all my flaws in bigger than life size...I cringe when I think about it, so I just don't think about it (avoidance has its merits)! OR, I just tell myself that because he's an artist, he's doing a job, and that's all it is. He concentrates on getting the details right (if those are wrong, the total effect is "off" and looks at overall effect from a purely technical standpoint (is it or is it not realistic), or at least that's what I tell myself. In other words, it's a project, he wants to make it look good because it's his work, but there's no more emotional attachment to photos of me than to say, photos of people, places, or things that he's using to make a tourist brochure.

I know a little bit about photography - mainly, that lighting and angle are the keys to making a subject look good. I actually do think I'm fairly attractive if I have low/diffuse/warm lighting and the angle is right and I have a decent expression on my face, even without any photoshopping or other manipulations. AND I do think I look very good in clothes when my hair and makeup look decent (normally I wear very little makeup...too much bother most of the time).

And yes, I do have some vanity...I don't want to "look good for my age", I just want to "look good", no qualifiers necessary. I guess technically I am "middle aged", but I don't feel like it, and I think I could pass for 10 years younger than I am, based on my totally unscientific sampling of people on this site (unclothed) and people that I know in real life (clothed, thank God!)

So, I think when we start skypeing later, I'll wear SOMETHING...lingerie and some silky/sexy panties, maybe...gotta leave something to the imagination....I'll take it off if he asks (but he may not want to see me totally naked in HD, I dont know). I also have a few toys (vibrators) that I'll have with me, so if he wants to see that, I can show him... But heck, he may just want to talk about the weather and the economy (oh yeah, I AM being sarcastic now!), who knows?

I don't get this, and maybe somebody can explain it to me...how come some men on this site (or those that identify themselves as men, at least) post pictures of women and not themselves? Women don't have this problem-- if you click on a woman's profile, you usually will get photos of a woman or a woman and man together, not dick shots or "tributes".

When I click on a man's profile, I don't really want to see close up shots of tits or pussies (with no dick in sight). If I want those shots specifically, I will click on that category.

I'm not talking sex/"fucking" pictures - of course you would expect to see women in those! I think that most people (male or female) that click on a man's profile want to see photos of a MAN.

Are these men that take photos of their wives/girlfriends/fuck buddies posting them without their knowledge? If so, it's disrespectful and rude. If she wants her photos posted, I think she would want to post under her OWN user ID as a woman. Most of these men that post pics of females ask for comments along the lines of, "please comment, it turns her on." Well, if my experience is any guide (and I think that it is typical), women's profiles and photos get far more views and comments than those of men. It's not because the women are hotter or sexier than the men, it's just a reflection of the ratio of straight men to straight (or bi) women that are on NN. I don't know this for a fact, but I have a pretty good inkling that there are way way more men active on this site (as compared to women).

So, please, men, if you post photos of your wife or g/f or significant other, make sure she's OK with it, and include some of YOURSELF. Women are not as judgmental as you think we are. We are real, not airbrushed, and would like to be appreciated for what we are, not what our culture says we should be (i.e., young, thin, perfect skin, great hair, beautiful). Attractiveness is different for each person. It is incredibly empowering to find that people can and will find you, just as you are, raw and unretouched, attractive and sexy and desirable EXACTLY "as is". Try it...it works...I know from my experiences on this site that parts of me that I think are icky or unatttractive are actually are a big turn on to some (not all) other people.

Well, I made the video with my camera. (See previous blog.)It's too big to send via yahoo (even with the 100 MB "large file option) or gmail, and I don't know how to edit it. The file is 166 MB currently, but if I could delete the beginning and end, it might be under 100 MB and be "sendable" via yahoo. I just want to send this one file, so I don't need or want an expensive monthly plan that has way more than I need.

If anyone knows a way to edit the .AVI file to make it shorter or to split into 2 separate files (I use Windows Media Real Player) or knows of another another site that I can use to privately send a video, please let me know. Thanks!!

I was going to Skype for the first time today. I bought a camera at Walmart, loaded the software and installed the camera this weekend, and downloaded Skype. I had no idea that web cameras were so cheap...I think I paid $45 for mine, but you can get them for as little as $22...technology is amazing.

Skype allows you to see and hear the other person on your computer...totally FREE! And I am the queen of free...The picture quality is amazing, "like HD" as my kids told me.

OK, now I was getting a little scared....my first cam-to-cam experience was going to be an erotic chat (this morning), and probably a little bit of "show and tell". I was worried about how I'd look on camera in HD, duh. I told my special guy that I'd use something very low tech, like a towel, to cover the camera lens, or alternatively point the camera at something he might find more interesting, like the wall. Good plan, I thought...I could see and hear him, and he could only hear me...well, he definitely did NOT like the idea. We've talked on the phone a few times, and I think he likes my voice (and I definitely love his... deep and sexy and full of emotion), but the video part was a little bit (well A LOT) scary)... I have no idea how I'll come off.

Anyway, we didn't Skype today because he's really sick...he stayed home, slept in, and he feels bad about it (postponing cam to cam). I just want him to feel better and forget about his "little head" for a while and focus on his health, and I think he's doing that. Getting better is much more important... we can Skype any time. Besides, the delay gives me more time to decide what to wear! So, instead of Skypeing, I'm going to shoot an erotic video (and the photos he requested) for him and hope it helps him forget how crappy he feels, if even for a few minutes.

-Off to get dressed (or more accurately, UNdressed) for my video. I hope he likes it as much as I will enjoy making it!

I have a request (actually quite a few of them LOL) from a very special guy. He wants me to take full-frontal photos (as well as side and back views) of myself totally nude. Like from head to toe nude, and he wants to see my face. He's a photoshop god, but he refuses to make me skinny and give me a boob lift! The nerve! (Actually, I LOVE that he wants me exactly as I am, imperfections and all. I haven't told him that, but he can probably guess it.)

Nude as in no clothes, not even a little bit of lacy underthings. Definitely no whipped cream or other food groups. He photoshopped a pic of me and removed the whipped cream...took him awhile, too....said liked me better totally naked. High heels would be OK. A little makeup and jewelry would pass muster too.

So, should I give him what he wants, or be coy and at least partially cover up? I think that some things should be left to the imagination sometimes, but he doesn't think that my photos are the place for, ummm...., "modesty". (Well, obviously modesty is not one of my virtues, since I have posted quite a few nude pics of myself on this site....LOL!)

*Go with the flow.
*Relax and be yourself.
*Don't worry about the things that you cannot control.
*For the things that ARE in your control, do the best possible job to ensure the outcome that you want.
*Don't be afraid to take (reasonable, calculated) risks
* At the end of their lives, most people regret what they DIDN'T do, vs. what they DID do.

I think if I remember these things, and live them, I'll be OK.