sigh....
I need to get laid... seriously... I'm curious, how many of you men do not need sex? How many of you have gotten to the point that because of neglect you just don't take advantage of the offered sexuality of someone who loves and desires you?
Admitting that my man lives miles away... worked uber long days... and is a devoted and so there daddy. I admire him for that... and it's part of what attracts me to him. He loves his kids and gives more than what was awarded to their mother from him... and she demands more than that.... grrrhhhh, financially that is. Anyway...
venting my frustrations I guess...
but also know that I've got a dear man that I adore... who's faithful to me and not looking for anyone else... he wants me. He tells me more and more often how much he does and that he wants more with me... intimacy and time just the two of us together.
I'm just one of those crazy weird girls who's always had a high super high sex drive and wanted to have someone who could keep up with me. But I got a man who accepts me and admires me for who I am... points out my talents and reminds me that he'll support and encourage me to dive back into them and build my artistic self back up to a level of success.

So... I know I've GOT a good fit.

my sunburns keep spreading over my body... leaving tans of all things in their wake... this is so-oooo NOT how it used to be... Can't complain I guess... I need to build up a tan to handle the heat and blazing sun down at Lake Powell in three weeks... boating, hiking and exploring are on the plate.

I'm red white and blue... on this Independence day.

Blue eyes... and a few bruises up and down my legs from catching them on hot snaps for the cover of the boat, and banging my body against it, or from laying on rocks and branches under my tent.. anemia and hematological issues suck, that's about all I can say about that.

White since the majority of my body is still creamy white skin...

And Red, for the sunburns and blood shot eyes.


That's the joking side of this...

All in all, I believe in the beliefs and plans that this nation was built upon.

I believe in our rights to defend ourselves and our beliefs... I believe in sharing, giving and building this nation as well as my own life. I believe in the freedoms we've fought for for centuries that suddenly no longer are apparently ours to be had.

I believe in protecting those guideline set forth by wise men who wanted THIS nation that they had the unique opportunity to form nurture and build to become the great and open armed land it ONCE was.

I believe in the need to teach our nation why it once was and still is strong, something to be proud of achieving the status of citizen...

I believe in the words of those who are concerned at the decay and lost pride in OUR nation OUR flag, our patriots who still stand tall, whether on the other side of life... or here... struggling or succeeding in civilian life and war time.


Now, worn out woman who needs her rest.. is in bed, hoping that sleep will block out enough of the popping and booming out there to let me gain some restorative rest.

Good night, may peace be with you my friends.

he heard uttered huskily from lips he had just kissed... looking up into his face fingers gently caressing his cheek.. she tilted her head and said... I've been crushed so many times that I'm not sure I can allow myself to need anyone... but I want you.

water play and sunburns... I'm loving this summer!
the boat is becoming a major part of all our lives... riding it steering fishing, splashing and diving into the lakes... slathering sunscreen on limbs over and over.

thinking back...

watching his eyes close as I touched him and kissed his lips for the first time... his instinctive motion... lifting his hands to my face and then one arm wrapped around me pulling me close to his body tenderly with his muscular powerful arms.. lifting my chin and nibbling across my jaw...
delicious shivers wash over me.
I kissed him more hungrily... and with a groan he released me from his grip and then locked his fingers through mine.. walking me to my bedroom for what I had offered to him earlier.

Eagerly lifting his shirt over his head and then helping me out of mine.. exposing my creamy skin and shape of my body to him for the first time... Undoing my black bra and casting it aside... he began to kiss and cup my soft full breasts and admiring them.

I kissed him again while fumbling with his belt. A chuckle filled my mouth and he pulled away to assist my eager fingers in removing the rest of his clothes.

He seemed to enjoy watching later as I slid my pants off my hips and to the floor and then peeled my black satin and lace panties fell to the floor to have me flip them into the pile of cast off fabric. A sensual smile spread over his face as he pulled me to his warm hard self... Mmmm
My cold pendant was the only thing between us... and we lay on the bed to touch and kiss and explore one another... he slowly kissed his way down my body until he came to lay between my legs.. kissing, then licking me to euphoria... Oh God, he made me shatter...
I told him, my turn and went down on him.. licking his shaft tickling and teasing that sensitive spot t the center, below his broad mushroom.. and up to the tip to twitch and tease my tongue against his opening. I looked up and then licked my lips... taking my time to slide my wet hot lips and mouth over him.. then plunged down to take every inch into my throat.... no gagging... just pleasure... And then... rising up before he came I slide my wetness over him and rode him gently at first.. kissing him from above... my necklace dangling and sweeping across his chest as we thrust and worked together for mutual pleasure... he watched my eyes through the gap between pendant and breasts... and came hard full force exploding and throbbing deep inside of me...
For some reason... that necklace meant more to him than I could imagine.. his eyes lit up every time he'd see I wearing it.... our first was incredible... Visions of sweat slicked skin and the rich musky scent of sex linger in my mind...
mmmm

38 Special... how I love their music

something I've been told about me...

kind of reminded me of one of my favorite songs from Exile... I used to be sure I was nothing.. nothing unique, beautiful or special about who I was...


I'm just only me... but I have learned that Just Only Me... is kinda special to a few people in this world.
Smiles and kisses

my car was driven by my daughter as the first person to use it again..
All the way out to Tooele Valley.

We worked over the boat along side the kids and their father... stayed for supper and were too exhausted for more.

Today was a nothing but relaxation day for us.
We'd all burned in the sun and later a few of us were covered in mosquito bites... I've got almost a dozen that I've found... so far.

But the work was something positive.. bringing our outings that much closer to happening.

I'm dating a generous man...
someone who cares about the people who are in his life.

And yes... we make love and have wild lusty sex....

This is unique to him... utterly new.

He's not used to having honesty, comfortable silence and laughter and silliness... and sensuality and fondness openly shared.

Still saddens me, because of how long he's been without touch, acceptance, joy, trust and respect shared and given freely.

He'd been stunned at such little and simple things to me... Things I do, feel, and want to give, experience and share... This is my NATURE... this is ME...

When I'm allowed the role of partner... I take it literally and seriously as just one of my roles... I'm also lover, sexual vixen... playmate, friend and his biggest fan... that was what I gave my ex husband... and lovers and men I dated between... my fiance had all of that and I was his sexy Dreamy... The only woman who ever got him wanting to have a child of his own, because of who his girlfriend/wife-to-be happened to be...

I'm learning... I know I've learned so much from and with my dearest friends here.... men I love and still admit to desiring and having fantasies of...

I'm learning a tender and dear thing with this man who is not here on NN but does not tell me I cannot continue being here... and who does tease and suggest at times things to post and share, so that you know what you're missing... and he's getting... smiles. Yeah, torture maybe?

Though a few know in person what it is to kiss me, hold me, be kissed by me... and even some more. Others may simply dream of Dreamy...

Blowing kisses, or scattering over your skin... and pressing a joyful happy hug around you...

I love my friends, here and elsewhere...

I've been driving a big loud diesel pickup for almost two weeks now... This, due to my car being out of commission... Until Friday late night...

She's alive!!!

Hearing that engine going after so long a time without my car working was an absolute joy to me... I was dancing around goofily in the parking lot of my apartment complex.

The final needed replacement was the crankshaft position sensor... At first it was due to be about $80. Instead the final cost was just around $60... and wheeeee, she's purring again. Coolant replaced, radiator hoses and thermostat... Timing belts, pulleys and hydraulic adjuster as well as water pump, two valves, the head resurfaced and gaskets and head bolts all replaced. Add a tool, repair manual and a few other things and she's been rebuilt in there, quite a bit this month.

I'm grateful to a man who worked long hard shifts and set aside other projects and important issues, to spend time here, right after work, for hours, under that car's hood or body.
He sacrificed so much... allowed me to use his baby for ages... delaying repairs to it, and to the boat he'd bought because of me, my descriptions of fishing and playing off of boats in my past... and of my desire and need for water.

I'm thankful for the rich experience of learning alongside this humble hard working man.. and watching him become a calmer more self assured version of himself. He's in awe of a relationship like no other he's had... And expressing more openly and quickly what a fool my ex husband and ex lovers had been, to cast me aside so quickly and to so undervalue me as I am.

His calm soft gravely voice and the insanely hilarious accents and impressions he puts on to make me laugh are a joy.

I'm happier than I've been in a long while... seem like forever, though I know I've had good times rather recently... Just not many so relaxed and so comfortable.

I've been undergoing a great deal of stress.... so has he... and so has my daughter...

This man pays attention. He intends to whisk me away with him once the boat passes our test trip(s) to spend time just the two of us, alone, together... with water and nature to enjoy on the boat.

He bought a large one... full cuddy, with seating up top for about 6-8 and sleeping quarters for about 4-6 down below. I'm eager to test this new hand crafted friend... a well loved and protected 1983 Gulf stream that sat garaged lifted up off the supporting trailer, and the trailer blocked, to protect the wheels and tires... this was an amazing and rare find.. only just under 600 hours on the motor. That's like finding a 1983 Corvette with just under 20,000 miles on her. Garaged, and lifted to avoid weight on the wheels... and babied. That's the kind of amazing beauty this one is.

My car will last me quite a while... you know why? Nodding... yes. I've got a genuine and very intelligent and experienced mechanic to make sure I'm taken care of and able to stay mobile.

He came up to the apartment to collect his tool box from the living room and was hit by the heat within it... saying, what the F??? Does someone downstairs have their heat on? I explained that this is how my apartment has been since I moved in over 4 years ago... I reminded him that I was dead serious about my bedroom being about 120 at night if I can't use the swamp cooler... and 120-160 during the day. No insulation in the ceiling or walls due to the age of this old building. Freezing in winter... too hot in summers...

He informed me it's time for me to make a move to someplace better...

I can't afford that... I've got back taxes, old medical bills and a couple old bills from my ex, when we were married, that he'd put back into MY name... I've got to take care of those before I can consider anyplace new... This was the cheapest and best for the money back when I signed the lease in Feb. of 2012.

Anything now will cost me at least $200-$300 more per month for something at least this small, if not smaller.

Time to ask them AGAIN.. about FIXING the swamp cooler for me and replacing the filters in it. I NEED it to work and cool our apartment. No more blanketing everything with brown dust, feathers from the geese and fur from cats that hide up there and dirt and debris from that dirty roof top. I'll threaten to get a professional to replace the motor and filters or maybe replace the whole unit completely and see if that motivates them!

I had a nose bleed, that's why I'm wide awake at 3:30 am. I've got an early morning and long day ahead. But the nose bleed was severe enough that my bedding needs to be changed and I was soaked in blood from neck to knees. Time to buy new pillows.. these ones are stained and soaked.

I'm tired. I'm literally drained.
Heat does this to me. I can't afford to allow this.

My room has cooled off, to about 85-90... I'll sleep a couple hours and pray I can manage staying awake all day long without another nose bleed as traumatizing as this was.

I'll be on the water, I hope by this afternoon.
Or not... we'll see.

Time to shut my eyes and close the computer...

I'm ready for a wee bit o' sleep

that's for sure...

for two full weeks I'd had rides to and from work by co-works and my guy. For a week now, I've been driving that big diesel powerful extended-cab baby my BF owns...

his anxiety was and is clear... Up until my coming into his life and the role he's given me... well, he explained that he's never entrusted her to anyone... never, ever.

Not either of his ex's got to drive his favorite cars or trucks..

my car died after my daughter had minor surgery due to an issue with the major surgery in February...
Literally... on the way home.
she got out on impulse to help me push Betty out of the intersection and into a parking lot. NOT good on an abdomen that hadn't properly healed since late February...

timing belt broke as it had coasted to a stop in the turning lane and costed downhill onto the other street and towards a parking lot...

mechanics were astounded.. no huge damage.. just 2 valves replaced and the head resurfaced.. my guy is replacing old with new parts we agreed should all be put in while the patient is incapacitated... so I bought timing belts, pulleys, water pump, gaskets head bolts coolant radiator hoses thermostat and spark plugs... a repair manual and a few tools... and it cost me about one month's payment and maybe part of a monthly premium... if I'd had to go into debt for a car...

well...
actually, Betty Boop isn't back together fully, due to stormy weather this weekend... but, IF the weather forecast is as eerily correct as it has been lately, she could go together Monday after work... That would be heavenly.

What have I learned.. that shit happens...

...that my new job is making this possible to handle with ease... $500? gulp.. okay, well, I've got that due to having a boyfriend who occasionally up and pays for my groceries or takes us out to dinner just because... and because I have enough to pay my bills and cost of living with some of my alimony to set aside...

I'm learning that I am loved by co-workers at my new job.

I'm building a nice relationship with my dad, my daughter, a sister, and with this young man who calls me his girl-friend... he just turned 46... He teases about how weird it is to be dating someone who qualifies for AARP and technically can get a very few senior discounts...

I'm learning that caring about someone else doesn't have to change the comfort level...

no, I do not get scads and oodles of sex or kisses... this is a man who was denied touch for so long that being touched is still startling and over-stimulating for him.

I know he wants it... but right now, he's scared and scarred and trying to let go heal and learn what he's been missing for decades...


I am a huggy snuggly loving and affectionate being... I'm super clear about how I feel and quite demonstrative... a few of you have experienced my hugs and joy, laughs and smiles.. and even more in person... a very few mind you...

this is hard on me at times... I ache to enjoy heat pleasure touch sensuality and so much...

this is lesson on patience and acceptance of limits...

whether this lasts months years or decades... I cannot venture to guess...

All I know is... his kids are people I loved as micro people with diapers on... wee ones waaaay back when. I love them still

anyway... love is something that if allowed, will grow... if paid attention, embraced wanted and accepted can potentially grow... I'm not sure mine will be wanted or needed by the man... but it does seem to be eaten up by the young ones...

my daughter is reconnecting with herself... emotionally.

I truly hope she will continue to grow and choose to become an active participant in her own life and in those of people who love her and that she loves. She is beautiful to me.