my sweetheart woke me up earlier in the day... just after 8am. I'd had a long night, that took until after 2am for me to finally doze off. Not sure it'd helped to watch several episodes of the first season of ER. My daughter doesn't understand how comforting it is to see recognizable scenery from the Chicago area. Though it was never home to me at all... it is very nice to see some sights that remind me of that long yet not long enough trip to be with the man I love... It has the same pull of HOME, to me, simply because it's where so much of my heart IS. Anyway, while it was lovely to see the skyline and other places... just the idea of an ER got her rattled, knowing that it's both a place she desires to work in some day in her future, but that it's where my lover was just yesterday morning. God, I love them both so much.
This morning I loved hearing his voice, clearer and more mmm, like himself. He's got this sexy something in his voice, a texture like velvet or smooth like molten chocolate. Sexxzzzzyyyyy. Anyway, he was positive and talked about wanting to try skyping today, with his phone. I'd love to see how he's doing. He's had nebulizing treatments(for his lungs) and oxygen, so it's soothed his throat and lungs a great deal. I'd wondered why he hadn't been given a script for a nebulizer earlier, but I'm glad he's getting the treatments now. Clearly they're helping him feel more normal, and like himself.
My dear man informed me that his doctor's also wanting to get approval for adding the stint/pickline for his chest cavity as well... for when they do the chemo baths through a large tube. It's a large mass in there, my dears... the gastric(feeding and venting) tube, will be inserted today. And, I'm hoping and praying that the other will be added at the same time. They're in a hurry now, my loves... to try to remedy his bad situation more expeditiously. I am grateful for the efforts of three amazing women who've taken his life and health in their hands. His dentist, for all her generosity... his ENT for finding the cancer and being so very proactive and for effectively taking charge of making sure he's getting everything in place.. and for the second oncologist, for doing same. She took him and his health issues seriously. Without these three women and their help, he'd still be in the dark.. with absolutely NO chance for survival. There's still a great deal left, to be done. But there are people at HUMANA, as well as in his medical group that are really getting things in motion...
And then, there's his family... his mother, who's been hovering a bit too worriedly over him for his comfort, yet, as the man he is, he recognizes her need to do so wired into her... for his oldest sister, who's become a true friend and a sister of my own... for the one he lives with, and for the sister he calls a Nut, LOL... then we tease that I'm a nut too.. reminding him I'm salty, sweet and bent/twisted, like a cashew... and, I'm getting to know the others through conversations and eaves dropping while on the phone.
I've just gotten addresses, for his mother and my new big sister... and I'm looking forward to hearing from my love, and from her, later in the day.
How blessed I feel to have even just months being able to love this man of mine... and I'm still begging God to let him heal... let him grow old along side me... so that lovely dream of mine can come true... of the older versions of us, laughing talking and loving... Oh how I miss my baby... my gorgeous man... I crave the return of meat upon that tall frame of his. My local friends are right.. he IS tall... and good looking even with a permanently marred face. How I adore that face, and all of him. I love how perfectly we fit. Not just in personalities... as we truly do work fluidly together and have such unity in heart and mind. Mind you, we share differing opinions on plenty of subjects, but the respect and acceptance we have between us is fantastic... but it's also very impressive, body to body. I love how perfectly molded our hands feel when our fingers are entwined... and I love how the rest of his body feels pressed against mine... perfect. He loves my softness and smooth pale skin... And every time I'm dressed in white, he seems to melt, and says, "Dreamy I love you in white..." I'm glad he loves my body. It's his to explore and to hold close. And I love his rock hard body, dark velvety skin and gorgeous brown eyes... and, LOL.. I think you all know how much I love his hands... and that wonderful lean waist and broad shoulders/chest. Admitting my mind fills with glorious levels of lusty joy but also as an artist who loves anatomy... I've got the perfect model for the ideal man... smiles. God knows I've needed this man in my life. I pray that he's able to heal and be well... I want the best for him ultimately. But I just can't let go unless I have to for his own best, and mine. I've got the most wonderfully positive friends.. and the most impressive friendship to me is the one that grew into a love deeper than I've ever known... and a man who at times seems to be in awe of it as much as am I.
My daughter's just now seeming to come around to the importance of her decisions and her refusals to take care of herself and her room, things etc. That state of mind and refusal to show respect for MY thigns and the fact that MY name's on the lease and we could be evicted for the state of acckkkk garbage-heap-like disarray. Hmmm, she reminds me of my mother... she never seemed to care, nor, to grasp how crucial cleanliness was. I HATE my home and the state it's in. And for now, I've cut off Lanky's time here, until she's gotten her stuff cleared out of my living room and back into her own room... she also will be without certain privileges... no signing herself up for Cable until her room is back to livability and she's back in there with a bed of her own. No more sleeping in the living room and being lazy. No cable = no new season of Dr Who... ooooooo, the perfect motivation. Clean up and get to see WHO!!! *smirks* why didn't I think of THAT one, until JUST this moment???
Right now, she's in my room, sleeping on my too tall, too soft bed. Resting like a sleep deprived person. I'm in here, folding laundry and on NN... my other home.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that while I still break down in to tears at both his and her pain and how things are going... and the idea that that cancer's growing and spreading faster than anyone imagined... This day is brighter than yesterday, by a large margin.
THANK you for the power of positive. Please, keep it coming our way.. we all need it. Me, my sweet man, my daughter, his family and any who're affected by this painful time in our lives.
hugglesnugs from a snugglebug,
Dawn
