My absolute worst fear at work came true this weekend. It is gruesome and probably not appropriate content for a blog but I'm... almost at a loss for words? I'm sad, angry, confused, feel guilty, feel nothing. I know, rationally and intellectually that these feelings are normal. I know that I did my job and followed procedures. I know that I have support and healthy coping mechanisms. I know that I'll be fine, that one day I'll realize that I've gone an entire day without thinking about it and I'll close my eyes and I won't see it and I won't feel guilty for moving forward or wanting to move forward. These are things I know. One day at a time, I'll be alright. I'll take care of the little things, I won't drink too much, I'll get lots of fresh air, I'll exercise, I'll cry, I'll write, I'll feed myself a vegetable now and then, I'll laugh and I'll get through. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming too hard from this job, but I'll always stay soft and remember why I do this. |