So, if you've been reading so far, you know that I have recently found pleasure in having sex with food, pumpkin rolls specifically. I also enjoy my semen in my food. I always have, and I once dated a girl who enjoyed it as well. So, that's not too uncommon, I'm guessing. You've also read that I occasionally get aroused at the thought of having my penis cut off. Probably a bit more rare, but not unheard of, thanks to the internet. How unusual is difficult to gauge, as I'm sure most guys are too scared to admit it. Fair enough, as other than my posts here, I never admitted it to anyone except to my ex, and then only at the very end of our relationship. I asked her to cut it off as a parting gift of sorts, but she just shook her head and said, "I can't." I have wondered if she was just afraid that I might die, or that she would be in some legal trouble for doing it.

Anyway, getting away from all that, my peculiarities aren't limited to the desires of my penis. Let's talk about dreams. No, not life's ambitions, but those mental mini-movies that play when we doze. Sure, some of mine are sexual, but many are not. Sometimes I dream of present day. Sometimes I dream of the past, many times of long passed relatives or places of my youth. Many start out pretty mundane, some are pretty bizarre right out of the gate. Whatever the start, they frequently drift from generally pleasant to a darker, bleaker setting. The weather in particular will go from warm and sunny to suddenly cold, often to rain or snow. What's odd (I think) is that I awake from these dreams shivering, feeling chilled to the bone, regardless of how warm and cozy my surroundings may actually be. I've had this happen on occasion for as long as I can remember. I've tried to research this online, with very little success.

Don't know why I decided to share this here. I guess if one can show one's penis and share their most unusual kinks here, why not this? Would welcome any feedback or insight into any of these things.

I have imagined a sex toy - a rectangular box with an opening on one end. The opening has a silicone set of lips. I insert my cock into the inviting hole. The inner mechanism begins stroking and getting warm. My cock grows incredibly hard. Just as I am about to climax, the device gets very warm at the base of my cock. I pull the device away. My penis goes with it. All that is left where my penis was is a scar. I open the lid in the top of the device to find my erect penis sealed off at the base. It's still warm. I put it in my mouth. I always wanted to suck my own dick. It tastes good. Them I ponder how to preserve my member. Mounted on the wall? In a block of Lucite, perhaps?

If you've read my recent blog entries, thank you, and my condolences

As I've mentioned, I have had penectomy dreams and fantasies since I was a young boy. Don't know why, and it's a bit late to figure that out now I often wished those thoughts would go away, that I could be "normal", whatever that means. I'm a straight guy, why could I possibly want to cut it off?

One thing I have noticed is if I go without sex for an extended period of time, the more those odd urges creep in. It's been quite a while now, and in this Covid era, who knows when - or even if - I'll ever have the opportunity for sex again. So why not cut it off now? Jerking off is fine, but even that gets old and even more frustrating in its own way after a while.

In many of the dreams I've had over the years, I'd reach for my penis only to find it was gone. Sometimes I'd then find it on the nightstand, or on the bathroom sink, severed but erect (physiologically impossible, I know). I'd wake from these dreams, finding myself grasping my penis, I suppose to verify it was still there. Sometimes I would wish it wasn't, that the dream had been real, and that there would be a certain sweet frustration of being aroused with no way to work out a release.

Back in my teen years - the 80s - there was the underlying global tension of nuclear annihilation. I used to think that if the sirens went off, if the bombs were on their way, I'd cut off my penis just so I'd be able to satisfy that curiosity before I died. I've also thought if I'm ever told I only have a short time to live due to an illness, I'll lop it off.

Of course, I'd still rather be fucked or sucked than chopped, but if the first two are no longer on the table, perhaps my cock goes on the block.

The worst thing about a penectomy fetish is only really being able to do it once.

I don't know why, but I've always been aroused by the thought of having it cut off. I've had dreams about ir since I was very young. Some of my earliest erections were caused by thoughts and dreams of cutting it off. I'm straight, I love sex and jerking off, but sometimes I still think about cutting it off. It will most likely always remain a fantasy, but who knows?...

When my ex and I split up, I asked her to cut it off. I had never mentioned this desire to her before. I figured I had nothing to lose, so to speak. I asked her if she would do me one last favor. She asked what it was. I said, "Cut off my penis." Surprisingly, she didn't seem shocked by my request. She just shook her head and said, "I can't."

If I do have it cut off, I would prefer a woman does it, although I have come pretty close to chopping it off myself.

For now, I will just enjoy having it

This time with video I apologize for the multiple video posts; I was having trouble uploading.

As I mentioned before, I've always been a fan of cum on or in food. I enjoy my own cum with food and I've had a few ladies who enjoyed it as well. But, until very recently, I never actually fucked food. Then something about that pumpkin roll was even more tempting to my cock than it was to my taste buds. So I fucked it.

Tried doing the some thing with a chocolate cake a few days later (there are pics of that, too). The moist cake felt good, but not nearly as good as the pumpkin roll. It felt so good to slide my cock into that cream cheese filling.

So back to the bakery I went and got another and fucked it last night. Posted a short vid of my cream cheese covered cock fucking the delicious pastry. It's the closest thing to a pussy made of cake. And after shooting my load inside, I made a cup of coffee and sat down with a nice creamy slice of my special dessert.

So there it was, on the counter, looking delicious. A pumpkin roll, a tasty treat popular during the autumnal season. Sure, most folks would simply enjoy devouring the thing, and that's fine. But I had another idea. I've always been a fan of cumming in or on food, but I've never actually fucked it. So I stuck my dick inside and had at it. The moist cake and cream cheese filling felt surprisingly good on my throbbing cock. There was extra cream inside when I was done, and it was all mighty tasty. Going back to the bakery very soon.

(Pics in my gallery)

Been posting a few pics related to a lifelong fetish: penectomy play. I've had occasional fantasies about having my penis cut off for as long as I can remember. To be clear, I'm not saying I actually want it cut off,, but the thought that I might actually lose it gives a terrifying yet erotic thrill.

Would love to hear from other guys who have the same fetish. Would especially love to hear from ladies who enjoy teasing a man this way.

I'm not one to join in fads, but I have gotten back into vinyl records. Not sure why millennials do it. Do LPs sound better than digital formats? Well, "better" is subjective, but some CDs (especially early releases) weren't engineered as well as they could have been, and MP3 files are compressed, so the vinyl version will have a purer sound, even with a little surface noise. For me, the appeal is nostalgic. Records simply sound like my youth. So, I dusted off my turntable, installed a new stylus, and dug out my old records. I also started buying LPs at used music shops, and a few at yard sales, thrift shops, etc. I don't buy new releases on vinyl .(I don't buy many new releases, period.) I buy classic albums I've never owned on any format. Playing them is like going back in time and listening to them when they were new.

Been a while since I posted. Been a while since anything of any significance has happened in my life. And then there was Tuesday...

Ran into a mutual friend of my ex and myself at the store Tuesday evening. Found out my ex has thyroid cancer. I was shocked and devastated. I haven't spoken to my ex in nearly two years, and I know I'm the last thing on her mind, but I still care. I never stopped. Upon hearing the news of her illness, I felt guilty for some of the things I said after she left. I aslo felt totally helpless, just wishing I could do something to help. Even if she'll never be with me, even if I never see her again, I just want her to live a long, healthy, happy life. From what I am told, her disease was diagnosed early, and her prognosis is good, yet I can't stop worrying.

Tuesday night, I took a few OTC sleeping pills, hoping they'd help me get past the worries of the day's news, and get at least a little rest. My phone chirped - a text from the girl from work I've been falling for, for nearly a year now - the one who was the first to make me forget about my ex. (For more details on her, read my past blog entries.) She was having yet another fight with her boyfriend, this time he was breaking up with her. Even with just words on a screen, I could sense she was seriously distraught. I called her. She was half takling to me, half screaming at him. She said she was going to call a friend for a place to stay. I asked her to keep in touch, and told her I was here if she needed me. A little after midnight, she called and asked if she could stay with me. Of course I said yes. She got here around 1AM, beautiful yet broken. I held her for a while until the tears subsided. I asked her if she wanted to try to get some sleep. I offered her the bedroom, and told her I'd crash on the couch if she'd feel more comfortable with that. She walked into the bedroom, sat down on the bed and said, "Please don't leave my side." So I didn't. I got into bed with her, and just held her all night. I kissed her lightly a few times. I told her everything was going to be OK. We both dozed off briefly a few times during the night. I looked upon her face, bathed in the blue glow of the clock radio, so beautiful. I've dreamed of holding her that way so many times; I just never wanted it under those circumstances. I got up for work in the morning, and she said she wished I didn't have to go. I told her I wished I could stay. She asked if she could stay for a while, and I said yes. She had planned to make the five hour drive to visit her family for a few days, just to get away from him, and to get some time to think. We've talked and texted numerous times since. She keeps wavering between wanting him to come back, and wanting to break free. She has since found a friend to live with for a while when she gets home this weekend. I have told her I love her, and she told me she loves me too, but she's nowhere near ready to move on, and I don't know if I'm really what she's looking for, anyway. I have told her I will do anything in the world for her, with one exception: I will not keep patching her up and sending her back to him. I have explained that the only thing that does is enable him to hurt her again, and I won't be part of that anymore. I also told her that it tears me up wo watch her go, but that ultimately I just want her to find someone who loves her, respects her, and makes her happy. I have no clue where that leaves me, but that's not really important.

And that's the story of my life, as of right now.

Been a while since I've posted here. Been a while since there's been anything even remotely noteworthy in my life. The girl who's captured my heart and, yes, my libido (even though I've had no opportunity to act on either) has been working different hours, as has her "hubby", so we've hardly seen each other outside of work. She has made it a point to try to see me during lunch, although those moments have been pretty few lately, too. I saw her yesterday at work, and she asked me something for which I was totally unprepared. "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" I told her I had no plans. She told me she was having a get-together with some friends who were coming from back home, a few people we've met through work (although nobody with whom we actually work), and of course, hubby and his sister. What the hell??? I thanked her for the invitation, and told her I'd think it over. She knows how I feel about her; how could she possibly think that I'd be comfortable seeing her there with her hubby? Why would he be OK with my being there? She mentioned there'd be lots of food - and wine. Yeah, adding alcohol to the mix - What could possibly go wrong? Granted, the holiday is a month and half away, but I think I should just tell her now that it would just be too awkward for me. (Not sure how it wouldn't be awkward for her, too.) I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I can see no possible positive outcome if I went. I think I'd better just have a turkey TV dinner and watch a Twilight Zone marathon that day.

P.S. This morning, she posted on FB that she hated to get up, since hubby was snuggled against her, and she hated to push him away. If she loves this guy so much, why bother with me at all?