RockJohnson's blog post - When It Rains, It Pours...

Been a while since I posted. Been a while since anything of any significance has happened in my life. And then there was Tuesday...

Ran into a mutual friend of my ex and myself at the store Tuesday evening. Found out my ex has thyroid cancer. I was shocked and devastated. I haven't spoken to my ex in nearly two years, and I know I'm the last thing on her mind, but I still care. I never stopped. Upon hearing the news of her illness, I felt guilty for some of the things I said after she left. I aslo felt totally helpless, just wishing I could do something to help. Even if she'll never be with me, even if I never see her again, I just want her to live a long, healthy, happy life. From what I am told, her disease was diagnosed early, and her prognosis is good, yet I can't stop worrying.

Tuesday night, I took a few OTC sleeping pills, hoping they'd help me get past the worries of the day's news, and get at least a little rest. My phone chirped - a text from the girl from work I've been falling for, for nearly a year now - the one who was the first to make me forget about my ex. (For more details on her, read my past blog entries.) She was having yet another fight with her boyfriend, this time he was breaking up with her. Even with just words on a screen, I could sense she was seriously distraught. I called her. She was half takling to me, half screaming at him. She said she was going to call a friend for a place to stay. I asked her to keep in touch, and told her I was here if she needed me. A little after midnight, she called and asked if she could stay with me. Of course I said yes. She got here around 1AM, beautiful yet broken. I held her for a while until the tears subsided. I asked her if she wanted to try to get some sleep. I offered her the bedroom, and told her I'd crash on the couch if she'd feel more comfortable with that. She walked into the bedroom, sat down on the bed and said, "Please don't leave my side." So I didn't. I got into bed with her, and just held her all night. I kissed her lightly a few times. I told her everything was going to be OK. We both dozed off briefly a few times during the night. I looked upon her face, bathed in the blue glow of the clock radio, so beautiful. I've dreamed of holding her that way so many times; I just never wanted it under those circumstances. I got up for work in the morning, and she said she wished I didn't have to go. I told her I wished I could stay. She asked if she could stay for a while, and I said yes. She had planned to make the five hour drive to visit her family for a few days, just to get away from him, and to get some time to think. We've talked and texted numerous times since. She keeps wavering between wanting him to come back, and wanting to break free. She has since found a friend to live with for a while when she gets home this weekend. I have told her I love her, and she told me she loves me too, but she's nowhere near ready to move on, and I don't know if I'm really what she's looking for, anyway. I have told her I will do anything in the world for her, with one exception: I will not keep patching her up and sending her back to him. I have explained that the only thing that does is enable him to hurt her again, and I won't be part of that anymore. I also told her that it tears me up wo watch her go, but that ultimately I just want her to find someone who loves her, respects her, and makes her happy. I have no clue where that leaves me, but that's not really important.

And that's the story of my life, as of right now.