RockJohnson's blog post - Backing off

Saturday, August 18, 2012, 2:11:03 AM

Well, we had a little bit of a late start, but dinner went well. Good conversation and plenty of laughs, as always. Afterwards, we went out and did a little shopping. I wouldn't say she was cold to me this evening, but she was a bit more reserved. There had been something bugging me since the beginning, so I finally asked: How could her boyfriend be OK with this? Did he think I was gay or what? She said that her boyfriend trusted her, and that he didn't know about my feelings for her (saying that part was "none of his business"

. When we parted, I held her, kissed her on her head, and told her that there were two guys in this world that adored her. She half-smiled and said, "I don't understand why, but I know." I guess I held her a little too long... I texted her a little while after she left, thanking her for a lovely evening, and apologizing for any indiscretion. She wrote back saying she had a good time as well, but that the evening's end was uncomfortable for her.

Two weeks ago, it felt like we were seconds away from stealing off and making love in the nearest discrete location. In the past month, we've exchanged over 500 texts, with most conversations being initiated by her. Maybe she's got an attack of the guilts, or maybe she's realized I'm just not good enough. I guess all I can do is back away. My heart aches for her, but hers clearly belongs to another.

Comments

Others Have Said:

Poppet_x on 18-Aug-12 5:19:43

Dont back away...I think you will regret it x

RockJohnson on 18-Aug-12 9:13:15

Thanks for the encouragement, but I don't see how I can win here. She's still in love with her boyfriend. He's her Happily Ever After; I'm just a distraction. Besides, I feel badly about it. I've told her that the only thing I have against her boyfriend is that he found her first. Having been on the wrong end of this kind of situation before, haveing had the one I loved stolen from me, I know that kind of pain. Then again, my ex found her happiness that way. (I'm assuming, since I haven't heard from her in over a year.) I don't know...I'm really starting to fall for this girl. If I can't have her, I think I should back off before any more damage is done.

*sorcha* on 18-Aug-12 17:36:37

I don't know if you can see it this way, but I think there are two positive things that can come out of this situation
1. You can realize how this happened with your ex-girlfriend.

2. You realize that you can actually have feelings for somebody else again.

Good luck :)

RockJohnson on 18-Aug-12 21:03:47

There are lessons to be learned, for sure, but I don't know if I'd call any of it positive. The irony of the situation considering how I lost my ex is apparent to me. Once I was the loving boyfriend who got jilted. Now I'm the jackass trying to win the affections of another man's girlfriend. Seems I don't play the role of boyfriend or jackass very well. As I've mentioned, my only redeeming quality here (if it could be called such), is I do feel guilty about it.

Yeah, I've finally found that I am capable of love again. And it's with someone out of my grasp. Thanks for the well wishes, but I fail to see any good here.