Seeker20060001's blog post - 2011/05/08

I had a really great dream last night. I was staying at a vacation home with some of my family members and one girl that I used to work with (no, not the same girl I mentioned recently... this girl and I went out for a while; didn't work out, but MAN, was she HOT!). In the dream, there wasn't anything between me and this girl, but there had been in the past.

Anyway, it was late one night and everyone was asleep in the house except for me and this girl. She came walking in to the room I was in wearing a sexy black teddy with stockings and garters. Her butt was exposed, like it would have been if she had been wearing a thong.

Although it seems implausible that she would just be wearing that outfit to sleep in, in the dream, she was really not out to excite me (or anyone else). When I saw her, though, I asked her to come into a smaller room with me, which she did. As soon as we were both in the room, I grabbed her, pulled her in close and started rubbing and squeezing her ass. She didn't resist and started to return the affection when one of my family members walked in (no Freudian comments, please!) We immediately stopped what we were doing, but didn't get caught. However, we moved into another room and proceeded to go at it again. Every time we moved to another room, though, someone else would walk in! Eventually, one of the family members caught us on the living room floor, both in our underwear, and just kinda frowned and laughed. After that, I guess I woke up... don't remember anything else.

On another subject, I think I'm going to use this forum to kinda "vent" about some very personal things that have been going on in my life. This is probably not the best place to do that, but I can't think of any other place where I could get things out without someone I know finding out. Although I don't mind sharing personal issues with perfect strangers, I don't want my friends and family members to know everything that's going on- lol.

Anyway, I have a couple of chronic illnesses that have been preventing me from working over the past couple of years. They're not life-threatening, but they definitely affect the quality of life. One of the illnesses is something that tends to cause weakness, extreme fatigue, debilitating headaches as well as a few other long-term complications. The other illness is clinical depression, which doesn't so much make me sad all the time; it just makes it difficult (sometimes impossible) for me to do things I need to do or want to do (like work, for example). Most of the people I know give me the impression that they don't believe me when I say that I CAN'T do this, or I CAN'T do that or when I say that I don't feel good (both of which would be the truth). They just translate those statements as "I don't WANT to do this, or I don't WANT to do that." Obviously, this can be very frustrating and therein lies the problem...

My wife (the second of an apparent series- lol) has told me that she's planning to leave me because I won't go to work or do things with her that she wants to do. Now, again, it's not that I don't WANT to do those things; it's just that I'm not always able! I've tried to convince her of that, explaining my point of view, to the best of my ability. However, like most other people, she just doesn't GET it!

So, anyway, here I am unable to work, unable to make a living, and she just wants to walk out and leave me to the vultures (or homelessness, hunger... whatever you wanna call it). Don't get me wrong- I'll be fine and I understand her point of view; I know it can't be easy for her to struggle through life while I'm just kind of hiding from it. But it's not something I have control over. It's just the way it is. Yet, she says she loves me and is doing it for "us." I hate to be a pessimist, but it sure seems more like she's doing it for her.

Well, anyway, I guess that's all for now...