It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy. I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.


After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: A Tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove And a beer


When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, And I know what the glove is for, But can you tell me what the BEER is for?"


At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn !!! I said a

BUTT LIGHT

I became confused when I heard the word "Service"used with these agencies:




Revenue Canada 'Service'







Canada Post 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'



Cable TV 'Service





Civil 'Service'





Provincial, Municipal, City, & Public 'Service'







Customer 'Service'














This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he






had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.







BAM!!! It all came into focus.














Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

I hope that you are now just as enlightened as I am.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,


Looking like he'd just been run over by a train.


His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,


His face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp


"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.


" Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy.


"That little runt, O'Connor," says Sean,


"He couldn't do that to you,


He must have had something in his hand.


"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,


And a terrible licking' he gave me with it."


" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,


Didn't you have something in your hand?"


That I did," said Paddy.


"Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of


beauty it was indeed, but useless in a fight."

Two friends meet after many years ...

They talk about their life ...

One asks the other:

- And how's your sex life?? ....

- Just like Coca-Cola .......

- Oh great! .... Full of bubbles, eh?! ....




- Nothing like that!...
Before it was 'NORMAL', then it became 'LIGHT', and now it is 'ZERO'!!

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman patient for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told the woman to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks.................................. And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."


The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."


"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."


The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks.


When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"


On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.


The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"


"Yeah, my wife..."

|The following is a comprehensive federal study, approved by the Attorney General:
Everything Men Know About Women

















End of Report
U.S. Attorney General's Office

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 6 shots of Jack Daniels.



The bartender asks "What's the occasion."



The guy says "Its my first blowjob."



The bartender says "Well if thats the case the 7th is on us."



The guy says "If that won't get the taste out nothing will."

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested.'



So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honour thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'



Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said

'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested'.



Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,

'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'



Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments ...'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'

There! That should upset just about everybody!!!