A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her what's wrong and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"

Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch."

When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?"

"$75 dollars," said the first.

The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first two were proud of their prowess.

The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two.
"$20 dollars" replies the third.

The first two start laughing hysterically.

"Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!"

but the best of friends must part.

is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that

Me neither!

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Pedro and Maria got married. Now Pedro was a "man about town" so to speak, but Maria was very
naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees. Pedro was a poor working man and could not
afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro
was undressing Maria said, "Oh Pedro, what is that?" Pedro being very quick thinking said, "Maria,
I am the only man in the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was
for, and Maria was happy.

The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was
on the front porch obviously upset about something. "Pedro, you told me that you were the only man
in the world with one of those, and yet I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the
shed, and he had one, too." Thinking fast, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best friend.
I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."

Maria being very stupid accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night. Pedro went off
to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on
the porch. Pedro said, "Maria, what is the matter now?" Marie said, "Pedro, why you give Gonzalez the
best one!!"

Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.