The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.

He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

"Why Yes, that would be nice," the lady responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.

When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no," said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood, "What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, our gentleman was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. When he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh my goodness no!," said the woman "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did."

Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.

He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, "Ahhh . mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"

"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in.

The next morning after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, "What have I done?

He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time'"

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her knickers off and gave her one there and then.

When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door.

"What's wrong? Didn't you come? Do you want more?"

His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my ass!"

They say marriages are made in heaven!!
but, so is thunder and lightning!

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg. The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg.

She immediately says "Father remember psalm 129."

The priest apologizes profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on when he changes gear and has oggled at her leg for the zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again.

The Nun once again says "Father remember psalm 129"

Once again the priest apologizes "Sorry sister but you know the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way. Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it said: "GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY"

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says "We're Catholic so we can't use it." The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method." The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer method." "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask. "Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him."

One day an old man sat down on a bench and across the street he saw a little boy sitting on the curb.

The old man sat and watched him and saw that he was holding a cat by the tail and had candy in his hand.

Every few minutes, the little boy would pop a few pieces of candy in his mouth, bite the cat on the tail, and scoot down a little bit.

After the man watched the little boy for a few minutes he walked over and asked the little boy what he was doing.

The little boy replied, "I'm playing truck driver!" "Playing truck driver?" the man asked.

"Yeah, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and moving on down the line

There were three guys at a bar.

One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker.

The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said.

So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. "

As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

"You can observe a lot by just watching."