One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

The little girl looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

One day during confession the priest had to take a dump. No one was coming in so the father was going to run to the bathroom. But as soon as he stepped out of the confession box a woman ran up to him. "Father, I must talk with you." The father asked her to wait in the booth. She went inside and the father called for Ray the janitor and asked him to fill in confession for a moment.

So Ray gets into the booth and asked the woman her sins. The woman replied, "I had sex with a married man." Ray looks on a piece of paper and looks up adultery. Then tells the women to say ten hail-marys and bless herself in holy water.

Then a man comes in. "Forgive me father I stole money." Ray looks up stealing and tells him to say five hail-marys and bless himself in holy water.

Soon a woman came in and said, "Forgive me father, I gave a man a blowjob." Ray looks up blowjob and there was nothing. He then looked up oral sex and there was nothing. Ray looks out the door and sees little Billy the alter boy. Ray called for Billy. "What does the father give for a blowjob?"

Little Billy looks at Ray and says, "A snickers bar and a pat on the back!"

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now," said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact," said the old nun even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

"That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"

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Never test the depth of the water with both feet!

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.
As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Run, she's backing up!!"

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom.She Said yes.When he went to wipe his fanny there was no toilet paper so,he used his hand.When he got back to class,his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"The boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"The little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."The principal got mad and yelled, "Open your hands NOW!'He did and the little boy said,'Oh great,now look what you did,you scared the shit out of him!"

since i am going on Vacation for a couple of weeks and won't be here.....here is something to keep you thinking.....

how do you keep a NN'er in suspense???

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.