WendySilvia's blog post - Fibromyalgia

Ya.. thats me now.. another label given to me.. to help me understand myself better... And boy oh boy was I pissed off to get this diagnosis.. Cause I know it is real.. my cousin deals with it.. and it is brutal on her! So.. getting this label placed upon me.. made me think wtf.. how did I get this crap.. like as if my body is not going through enough as it is.. but ya.. there is it.. black and white.. Wendy.. do you experience any of the following..

Depression - Yes of course.. but dont we all

Increased Sensitivity to Stimuli - yes of course.. but I thought that came with age

Numbness and Tingling - of course.. ever since the car accident.. I just thought it was from that

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - sadly yes.. but I truly thought it was because my stress with my ex was so severe

Chronic Headaches - of course.. but.. a headache can come from anything.. I live under the chinook belt.. maybe the weather was giving me headaches.. I am allergic to cigs too.. so maybe when I was living with smokers.. that is how my headaches were coming about.

Brain Fog - yes!!! omfg yes.. this one sucks.. before the accident.. I owned my own store.. also a catering company.. now.. I can hardly drive and think at the same time.. its either one of the other.. I also cant handle stress well anymore.. I cant handle things that make me uncomfortable.. I used to push through them.. and find ways to cope within.. now.. I cant.. Now.. all I can do.. is retreat.. leave.. and usually hurt others feelings in the process.. I had asked in status the other day about the art of saying no.. lately.. I sound like such a mean bitch when I say no.. I dont mean to.. I just cant handle the situation I am facing.. and need to get the fuck out.. ha.. A simple situation too.. like hey baby.. what you wearing.. for whatever sane reason that makes me uncomfortable.. It just does.. and I gotta bail.. also.. there are times it takes until someone responds to what I have said for me to know if what i said made sense.. just this blog will take a while cause it all feels like a sandstorm in my head.. I am amazed everything comes out like it does.. I always think it must be on robot mode.. cause I dont think I am driving my upstairs car sometimes... little rant for this one.. haha

Disturbed Sleep - yes.. I sleep rarely.. sometimes for an hour.. then up for 12.. sleep for 3 then up for 4 then sleep for 2 up for 1.. and so on.. no regular sleep with me.. the pain always wakes me up. I figured when a dodge 3/4 ton truck hits your side of the vehicle you were riding in.. the pain is worthy of waking my ass up when ever it wants.. ha

Fatigue - well yes.. cause I dont sleep.. ha

Joint Pain - yes.. I was told I have arthritis (I have minor arthritis.. not major like my body like to trick me into believing).. I also figured it was from the accident..

Generalized Muscle Pain - I have pain all over me.. no matter where you touch me.. I will be sore.. For example.. when I am going to hug someone.. I have to visualize where all the touch points will be on me.. so I can prepare for the touching.. I was standing in line at a food place.. waiting for my turn.. I was looking the other way when the person beside me tapped me on the shoulder.. it was a gentle tap.. but still.. I was not aware beforehand.. and after I felt like I was going to throw up.. right then and there.. the pain went through me like a shock wave.. And it stayed for about 30 min. I have been told many times that my body still thinks it is in the car accident, so the nerves and rest of me is freaking out.. So.. this is why I thought it was happening.. all the car accident..

Instead.. I have been given this new way to look at myself and what has been going on.. and what will keep going on with me.. It is scary! I am only 41.. and I have a 12 year old son to raise.. This is just not what I had in mind when I got married.. had my son.. started my business.. I figured I would build this mecca empire.. create it to run it self.. then enjoy my son and husband for decades to come.. pain free.. stress free.. and in a home.. So strange how things dont work out as well as you need!

I am a realist.. I like to see all angles.. and I like to have a plan.. my plan is to change my script.. for the last almost 7 years now.. I have been saying to myself how much I hurt.. "Oh I hurt so much" that is almost said as much as I say Hugs.. ha.. That is what has helped this new label come about.. me telling it that it belongs here.

On top of this.. I do have some other issues.. like nerve damage at the impact spot of the truck.. I also have a issues over producing adrenaline.. mixed with some autoimmune issues.. and blamo.. I am practicing to be elastigirl.. meaning.. I dislocate easy.. every limb goes when ever it is pushed even a little.. for example.. for me to shake out my hand cause It fell asleep.. I will dislocate my shoulder.. elbow.. and wrist.. sometimes even my neck.. So.. think about sex.. ha.. That is a NO NO for me! When I do have sex.. my hips.. pelvis.. back..ribs.. neck.. sometimes even my jaw will all dislocate.. NOT FUN! ha.. the chiropractor places me back together.. and I go for the next two weeks at least feeling like I am going to die.. So.. to have sex.. will cost me three to four visits at the chiro.. and two to three weeks of severe pain.. I just dont see the point in that.. plus the men I tend to choose.. dont even care to make me cum.. so.. truly NOT worth it anymore! gotta love the men who hear that from me and say.. hey baby.. I will be the man to make you O.. LIER! haha.. quirk about me.. I cant have sex just for sex anyway.. I need connection.. most men dont give a flying potato about connection.. they are just in it for the wet friction.. My dating boots are hung up.. the look pretty hangin on the wall! I think I will keep them there for a long while.. focus on everything else but new men. ha.. anyway.. a little ranty this was.. but I needed to get it out! Thanks!

Cyber hugs are so much better for me.. they help others.. me.. and no pain! YAY!!!

HUGS and thanks for reading another rant of mine.. I do like to write.. and sometimes sharing my thoughts.. with strangers.. some of which I will never know read this.. it makes me feel less alone.. thanks again sexy people..

HUGS again too!!!