I reach out to you with my mind and smile,
Like a child leaning toward the endless first ocean,
Its wonder and mystery eternally resonating and alluring,
Are those thoughts I see flashing in the darkness,
Wishes of other lovers hoping to be discovered,
I reign my thoughts in, gather my composure,
Say I want closure but am I so sure,
Do I want to risk opening that door,
Only to have it slammed shut forevermore,
Your other admiring lovers form constellations,
Circling you fixated on a reflection of light,
And I wonder if they ever want a deeper sight,
Do they care to know your intimate atmosphere,
To know the mysteries or lack there of,
I am not content to be a passing fling,
I want knowledge, want love,
I want to escape the bounds of physical captivity,
I want to laugh beside you and cry on your shoulder,
I want to be your smile, and your secrets holder,
I want to embrace you with my arms, my lips,
I want us to consummate this with more than just our hips,
I want to rest my head beside yours be it on a field, couch or bed,
To wake up make you breakfast, se you off well fed,
We might see struggles, but would face them together,
Rooted in love, able to withstand life’s ever changing weather,
Carrying our pieces of the original celestial spark,
Reflecting one another’s devotion amid seas of dark,
I would wear your ring as proudly as Saturn’s ornament,
And not want for more, because with you I am content.

Well, the tattoo didn't happen monday. The guy apparently is so good and affordable he is booked up most of the week and the only times they had were ones I was working this week. Of course I've been trying to get my schedule from the testing center for next wekk since Wednesday and haven't gotten that yet. If I had that I could plan out my work days for my other job and also schedule for the tattoos. Going to Baltimore for a friend's 21st birthday. This is going to be a full week with the latest big testing session starting this week.
Hmm, what else is going on...I still find my Italian hottie attractive, but I think I have hopefully gotten past the smitten drooling stage. I still think he is an awesome guy, but I realize that once I get past the cuteness and likablitiy of the care free personality I see that there's still a lot that isn't me. We can definitely be cool friends, and heaven knows if some random night the stars aligned and a kiss or hook up was the mood, I don't think I would turn it down.
Then there's his roommate....cute guy, beautiful eyes (I am sucker for a set of gorgeous peepers if you don't know that by now, Perky and the Tool stop flashing me those eyes) a down to earth, handy man and he has a great ass! lol The friend (I'll call him P), two really cool young ladies and I were watching the conference football championship games over one the young ladies houses. we had some beers ( I killed a 12 pack and a couple more beers) and some how got on the topic of P being cute and how his girlfriend who wasn't present had mentioned a few days before that the pants he was wearing that night really showed of his bum well. P did help the young lady whose house we were wactching the game at put up some insulation and his bum did cross my line of sight. well, P decided to stand up and allow myself and the girls to "squeeze the charmin". Uhm, yes he does have a nice bum! We had some really conversation and to be honest I didn't really know what to expect from him. I've come to realize that he acutally likes me a lot, considers me to be a good friend as I do him and that really meant a lot that he is so comfortable with me. I took it as a great compliment of him telling me he would brave a gay bar with me to help me find that right man for me. Part of me is so tempted to go/take a group of these guys since they have been talking about having a contest to see how many drinks would be bought for them by frequent patrons of said gay bar. Kind of funny!
He drives me crazy at times. I have friends who tell me I would make someone really happy, I just need to go out and find him. I've come to realize I am someowhat snobby to a degree. I get along with everyone just about. At times I think I have this preconcieved notion about the majority of gay guys. I guess what it comes down to is really like chill guys, but the get your hands dirty, watch football go out and rink type of guy. As shitty as this sounds, the few out gay guys I have known either have lisps, are really snobby or image driven.
I sometimes wonder if my attraction for straight guys is some self conscious mechanism to never find someone. I don't think I'm picky generally, but then what's up with the empty arm? I almost feel content at this point just perving on NN, having great conversations in chat and spanking it. BUt nothing can really replace touching someone else, ro feeling someone elses' hands on your body. I want to be ascending spiritually, hopefully leaving behind the 'trappings' of the flesh, but in my mind I think " Well fuck, I'm here I might as well put all of this to use!" I think I think too much lol. Have a great day all my friends.

A wishful starr who needs some lovin

PS: to you lovers of the male form check out long_stud. That is one beautiful man. Anywho I'm bouncing like a bad check! Cya

I'm hopefully getting some tattoos done and at a good price from a clean place! IF the guy is up for it I'd like to get two of them done. I have three ideas drawn out already. I'm waiting on a co-worker to stop by the restaruant I work tomorrow so I can see her work sh'es getting done today (Saturday) and possibly her sister's/ It's bee like 4 or five years since I've gotten a tatt and I'm really looking forward to it. I hope I don't squeal 'cause its been so long since I've gotten one. The first oen hurt, but not terrible, and once I expereinced the first stick t was all good. I see the momentary pain aas earning the tatt so its all good. I'm all excited now!!

Your voice to me, is like wind unto the trees,
Intangible but swaying me with each breath easily,
As I recline, your presence and touch are so divine,
Your smile upon my skin is like June sunshine,
I lay damp and trembling, like a leaf bathed in morning dew,
Just awakened and assembling, in my mind the concept of you,
I sigh and close my eyes, Relinquish alibis,
I release the need to clutch, Welcome you so damn much,
Like the dessert craving your quenching warm touch,
My arms reach out to the corners of creation,
An ancient presentation this is natural and wonderful,
lay down your sky upon these earthen thighs.
Let the silence be broken and past tense,
Stimulate me to my seventh sense,
Activate what was in a dormant torment state,
Expression a torrent that heaven would not abate.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
- IF things went right YES!

2. Hvae you ever fantasized about someone on your friends list?
-Yes

3. Have you ever seen anyone on your friends list on webcam?
-Yes

4. Have you ever spoken on the pone with someone on your friends list?
- Yes

5. Have you ever met in person someone on your friend's list?
-No, but I would like to

6. Have you ever accidentally prv' someone in chat by accident?
-Yes

7. Have you ever been in a hot and steamy prv with someone in chat and had the other person suddenly go, leaving your last ruanchy statement posted publicly in the room?
- Uhm yes, I consider it to be a rite of passage in the NN chatroom

8. Have you even been carrying on two different naughty chats while in the NN chatroom?
-Yes, guilty as charged

9. Have you ever been in NN chat while talking to someone physically in the same room as you are in while on the computer?

-Yes

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
- I like someone who makes that first definite move, still has an aggressive side, but can let me get into things and unleash my [asssionate side.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
- As a friend yes

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
- If you mean bibilical sense (unfotunately) if you mean as personality I know a great deal to some degree but who can truly know another person completely. Hell I'm still trying to figue myself out.

13. Love or money?
- Love

14. Credit cards or cash?
- Cash

15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
- Yes, but only because they made me feel like that was how they felt about me.

16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
- 5 star hotel, I can't get down with leaning against a tree to do my business.

17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex?
- IN my mind

18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
- Depends on my mood and how much money

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
- yes, but unfortuanately have not been to a male stripper club

20. Ever been to a bar?
- YES

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
- yes long story, I"m innocent

22. Kissed someone of the same sex?
- Yes, but not whom I wanted to kiss

23. Favorite alcoholic drink?
- Varies from night to night but between a good beer, rum & cola or vodka and some good fruit juice

24. Had sex in a movie theater?
- yes

25. Had sex in a bathroom?
- yes

26. Have you ever had sex at work?
- Just rubbing one out lol

27. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
- YES

28. Bought something from an adult store?
- YES

29. Have you been caught having sex?
- No

30. Does anyone have naughty pics of u?
- No

31. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
- NO

32. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
- Everyone

This bed is too soft too big, too cold for just one,
The aroma of this pomegranate and cherry candle too sweet not to be shared,
The moonlight sifting through silk curtains too beautiful for just one to witness,
Rose petals from my front door to my bed await your foot steps,
You know the place, I have invited you clearly,
I'm staring up at the ceiling when I should be gazing at you,
Replace my hands and fantasizing with your presence,
Let my lips my hands my skin cling to you like morning dew,
Let me feel your kisses and hips rush into me like Niagara Falls,
Hold me as I lose control, gripping your shoulders and nibbling your neck,
Unfolding my pent up desire, repeatedly building me up then making me a trembling wreck,
Seduce me, introduce me to the oldest language of mankind,
Let me learn you and teach you my hidden realm,
Let me laugh and cry glassy-eyed as you open me wide,
Be my one, my first, the end of my search

They shaved her head, bored deep into her core how she bled,
Went to the well often, ignored what she had said,
Her self esteem deemed unimportant next to progress,
Beneath their feet she lay as heavenward they gazed,
To a future in the cold hold of outer space,
She was seen as a familiar concubine dressed in green,
Her brown toned skin an easy place to lay sins,
Even when she shudders and utters her pain,
The sound of industrialism and laughter remain,
Some dig and plunder tear asunder the earth,
Searching for an over appreciated worth,
Not realizing that surprisingly its treasures,
Are in plain view, bountiful and glorious beyond measure,
She was here long before our first breaths,
And she will be here when none of us our left,
But while we temporarily reside will she continue to provide,
All of the gifts she has in the past or will her temperance shift,
Will we give thanks and respect to the representation of creation,
Or continue to make our planetary womb a desecrated venue,
Return to understanding we are but a small percentage of her tenants,
Will we pillage and strangle the mother until her love ceases,
What will we do with our taken for granted, conditional lease.

You send my earth raining down,
You make my sky erupt and quake,
You eclipse all the stars in heaven,
The moon reflects your smile,
I hear all of nature whisper your name,
As if mocking me, and my devotion,
My body shivers but not from cold,
But a heat hotter than the sun's core,
I cannot run or hide far enough away,
To escape something that existed within me,
Before I even knew its proper name,
To crave someone like the air I breathe,
To be held by gravity and affection,
To be the receiver of your time and attention,
And still you stand so close to me,
You kiss me softly as a feather upon my cheek,
Your arms embrace me with a tender familiarity,
But then something stops, and the connection is lost,
I walk away, trying to clear my head,
Wondering when I won't leave it unsaid,
That this feeling is more than a passing fancy,
To tell you I love you, no matter how chancey.

It is currently the 21st century,
IN a hundred years so many changes have been seen,
From automobiles to orbiting space wheels,
Upon the planet earth even just since my birth,
I can see foriegn places and meet new faces,
Witha click of a finger great separating distances don't have to linger.
Yet wars forage on, death of children in scores,
As often as things are different somethings never relent,
So many cures for the ills mankind has endured,
But there is one disease that will never take leave,
That can flourish when it is alcohol nourished,
All this came to back me a citizen of the land of the free,
As a drunken fool attending a higher learning school,
Crossed the street against the light without fright,
And the car I was in stopped a foot away just looking at him,
He glared angrily mouthing the words that no human deserves,
And I tried to figure, why do I deserve to be called a nigger?

The dawn has yawned become a day gone,
The night has emerged with a silent urge,
I slip free from the shackles of day around me,
I gaze around at a world with a different pace,
Where the face of the earth is caressed by hands of outer space,
When most around this town are beginning to wind down,
I feel alive, the imagination inside begins to thrive,
A thousand thoughts like minature stars shine within my mind,
I have no fear of twilight, it is my sweet respite,
My hands raise fingers extend writing a message to send,
My feet skip along, gravity can do me no wrong,
Making my way over to gem of my fantasies,
To be greeted by a smile innocent as a child,
With an embrace not relinquished with haste,
To spare an inch of space to gaze into one anoth'ers face,
What will we do, where will go, what will we see,
And I realize it don't matter, as long as you are with me.