Taking a coffee break. Have so much to do, mostly packing. He wants to leave around 10 tomorrow. With my habit of procrastinating, I don't know what on earth made me think that I would get to bed early tonight. I'm so looking forward to not having any children around. And shopping. (Bra shopping; if I can't find one that fits in Chicago then I have a problem.) And then there's the other thing. I can't believe I'm nervous about it cause I can't remember being nervous about sex. Ever. Plus there's the whole spending the entire weekend together. He thinks I'm the sweetest person ever. But he's never seen me cranky. Or moody. Or mean. And other than my kids, I'm not used to spending so much time with another person. I forgot how much work is involved with romantic-type relationships.

Super busy weekend. Have errands to run then having a family dinner over at the p.b.'s. I'm making beef bulgogi and potstickers. Maybe a bonfire after, but I can't be up too late; I have to leave here around 7:30 tomorrow morning. Then I get to see my beautiful daughter try on wedding gowns and we're doing a little shopping in there. Then I get to come home and get ready to go to a wedding reception with the p.b. And Sunday, I'm meeting his dad. Kinda nervous about that one.

Hiking is my all-time favorite activity for dates. I love hiking and it's also a good way to see how capable a man is with keeping up with me. The potential boyfriend had no problems. Probably cause he does a lot of long-distance running and cross-country skiing. While I, on the other hand, actually had to stop to catch my breath. (It was a long hike and parts of it were strenuous.)

I'm really excited about this Saturday. Well, maybe not so excited that I have to be somewhere before 8am, but my oldest has a couple appointments for trying on wedding gowns. I know there's going to be a lot of waiting involved and whether or not I get teary-eyed, my girls are sure to ask me if I'm crying.

Well, I was going to share some pictures from my hike yesterday, but the internet isn't being very co-operative with me tonight. It is taking way too long for them to load. I'm surprised I'm not sore, as it was a few miles and over some rough terrain.

I went over to my best friend's recently. She approves of the man I'm dating and had absolutely nothing negative to say about him. My oldest was like "did hell freeze over?" We had our first sleepover but not sex yet. He's taking me to Chicago in a couple weeks, and I'm soooo excited I spent a couple hours looking for Korean restaurants. I think that"s when I want to, the first time. No kids around and we're staying at a nice hotel; it will be romantic.

Well, I am cold and also tired (after all, it is well past my bedtime) so I think it's time to take my cold, tired (yet content) behind to bed.

I feel more like me, the me I was before the ex-husband. My therapist said it's nice to see this side of me. It sure does feel good. (And sex doesn't have anything to do with it.)

Spent over 2 1/2 hours on the phone...and yeah, I even did a lot of the talking. But he had to weird me out with the use of the "L" word again. My first impulse was to tell him he barely knew me how could he know he loves me? But then I thought, that would be awful condescending of me to tell him how he does or doesn't feel. (And not like I don't blame him because I am pretty amazing.) So I just said "okay" which probably wasn't the right thing but it was better than saying nothing and pretending I didn't hear him. Looks like I need to have one of those uncomfortable, awkward conversations. Cause that might be better than frequently feeling awkward and uncomfortable every time he talks about things too far in the future or about how happy he is now, because of me...if he can't slow down to accommodate me, then he's not the right one. But I can't expect him to know that it's making me nervous and awkward and all that if I don't tell him.

I had the best compliment this past weekend. When my gay friend was over for dinner, I was running around in shorts. He told me later that I have amazing legs. When your opposite-sex gay friend tells you you're attractive, you know you're hot. I mean, as long as they're not using a sarcastic tone, you know they really mean it because they're not trying to get in your pants.

The best recent advice I read: Don't pursue a man you want, pursue the relationship you want.

Spent most of the day with the potential bf. I met his daughters, had lunch with him and his best friend, went on a road trip the the two of them (and met some of his best friend's family) and then he took me shopping which I found a little awkward but I guess at times, it's good to put away those feminist ideas and just be a girl. And we haven't had sex yet although we made out for a good half hour and now I'm climbing the walls. I feel a little like retreating cause I get so nervous when he tells me how much he likes me. (It is a lot and he also said the "L" word.) But he hasn't tried to have sex with me even though I know he wants to, and to me, that's a big deal. I think I need to back off on the making-out, though.

Wish my oldest would hurry up home. I'm so tired and my bed is calling my name.

Had a great time. Didn't really get any pics (nice ones, anyway, or any showing my whole costume.) Guess I'm going to have to wait to see if anyone else got any decent ones. I'm so picky when it comes to pictures. Of course, I realized quite some time ago that my pictures are not going to look like they did when I was in my twenties but there is such a thing as a flattering angle (and plenty of angles that aren't flattering.) And forget it if there's any kind of mess or clutter that can't be cropped out. I'm just as careful with pictures of other people, too.

Anyway, I met someone last night. I don't know where it's going, or if we're compatible because people unfold over time. But that's what dating is for, getting to know another person. And I'm going to leave sex out of it. I've always been a "live in the moment" kind of girl which is great for a lot of things. But it doesn't work with dating in regards to sex for having a long-term relationship. Sex is so much better when there's an emotional connection anyway. From both sides. I need to feel that the other person actually likes me (not just my girl parts and not just when they're between girlfriends) to really enjoy it. I don't understand why someone would go out of their way to run into me, to tell me they missed me when I made it clear I was not okay ever being casual with them, only for them to tell me-after having sex, mind you-that they just want to hook-up "once in awhile." Or why they'd tell you to call or text but ignore you 90% of the time when you do. And expect you to not take it personal. There's no other way I'm going to take being told (in such an indirect manner) that I'm only good enough for a once-in-awhile screw because whomever they want more isn't available. But the why of all that doesn't matter, just like it doesn't matter how I think I feel about him. All that matters is that our values don't match and therefore, we are clearly incompatible. (Anytime someone makes you feel "less than" it means you're incompatible.)

I guess, I should stop procrastinating and get back to my chores. Even though it's my birthday and I think I shouldn't have to do things I don't want to do. But if I don't do them, they won't get done. And if I don't clean the kitchen, the kids can't make dinner for me. Plus I have company coming over for dinner. Which means I have to get ready to go out a lot earlier than I'm accustomed to.