Im sitting here trying to type because I have a lot in me at the moment...but all I can think to write is how I don't know how to say what I need to say.

Does that make sense? Probably not.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a chatterbox and tonight I couldnt even tell my best friends what was wrong. I got a very very bad phone call today and well - I just dont know. My brain hurts because it feels so cloudy and I think I am still in shock

If Im not around for the next few days dont worry I just may need some time. For once I truly honestly have no idea what the next step is.

I


am





HORNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I think its a full moon tonight and wow its effecting me. I think I need to go get this cured. Any doctors around?

...did you miss me?

I guess I went on hiatus and forgot to tell anyone. Opps. I doubt I was missed too much with all the nakedness on here.

Wow its been so long I don't even know what to say. I guess a quick update is in order. My trip to Vegas was of course amazing. Lazing in the sizzling sun at the pool all day, partying and drinking at night. Was just an amazing time and I dare say I will be going back.

Lets see what else..oh yeah - I hit 30 I kinda went into a mini freak out and Im not even sure why. I will say though, I have the most amazing friends on earth. I have no idea what I did to deserve them, and they spoiled me rotten. Im not really about the materialistic things in life but wow...they stunned me and that does happen often. I got:
-taken out to dinner 3 times
-a cake
- chocolate covered strawberries
-roses and carnations
- a special hockey card
- a trip to Ottawa or Detroit to see a hockey game (inc the ticket, transportation, accomodations)
- a WestJet gift certificate good for where ever I choose
- and on they day we went out: a Jays game, the hotel, alcohol at the hotel and the bar, food, transportation
- a million and one texts, calls, messages, etc
and I am sure I am forgetting stuff (hey Im getting old now rememeber!)

So much other stuff has been going on in this thing I call life. Some family stuff, some health stuff, some friend stuff. But I am still here, Im happy and every day I am alive I am thankful for what I have.

Teehee man when did I get so sappy?? I must have just missed you all that much!! I tried to take some pics tonight and I think I remember why I stopped- its damn hard work!

So ok TOTAL excitement has set in. I've been up since 9 am (thats super early for me on a Saturday). I tried to tan...I got in 1 and 1/2 hours before I couldnt just sit there anymore. I have already packed most of my stuff, done laundry etc and danced all around my house. When I made the call to book the Limo I think that pushed me over the edge.

I want to leave NOW!! Soooo damn excited. Luckily I have a date with a cutie tonight. Hes even keeping what we are doing a surprise -but thats not helping me calm down. I am going to have some energy to burn tonight. I hope hes ready

/me exiting singing "we dont have to take our clothes off to have a good time nananananana naaaa naaa" (Ha I may not have to take them off but it sure is fun!!)

This is probably a long one and I think more than anything I just need to write it out to figure it out.

Tonight I realized a guy that was interested in me deleted me from Facebook and probably MSN. I can still be in contact with him and part of me wants to message him to tell him off. He already did this once and then came back to me telling me he made a mistake blah blah blah. I don't want to try again or anything and basically I guess I did tell him he needed to get his shit together if he wanted us to try to date.

So I was sitting here tonight wondring why its bothering me that he deleted me when it was for the best anyways. I figured part of it is me being vain and hurt at being "tossed aside", but I knew that wasn't all of it. I do have a habit of stopping talking to people but never completely ending it. I have had so many people walk away I guess I hope some relationships can be rebuilt.

Anyways suddenly tonight I realized I was upset over being tossed aside because of my dad. I had decided to take him out of my life but I never actually told him or made it known. I am sooooooo scared to do it. For 2 reasons basically 1) I dont want him to sweet talk me into being a "good daughter" again. Ive done this already more than one and I am the one who ends up hurting and 2) I am scared to say something and then have him go do something stupid and get hurt or killed. I know I have to confront this. I have grown so much as a person in the past 2 years and this is just one more bridge to cross.

Scary to think I am geting so good at this shit I am becoming my own shrink lol.

I also realized something...this site is based on sex/sexuality/etc (yes I know there is SOOO MUCH more too) but I never talk sex anymore! LOL I need to change that. I fully admit that when I used to write stories on here they were written for someone. As well my best pics on here (IMO) were taken for someone. I guess I just need more inspiration.

Part of me wants to delete my pics but Im not sure yet so I will leave them for now. Maybe when I am in Vegas I will even try for a new one.

LOL Naked Guy why cant you be in Vegas at the same time as me?? My pool even has a toppless section so we could have taken pics legally

7 more sleeps..one which is going to happen right now

Good Night NN

Why don't people just piss the hell off? Like honesetly.

I met a ton of people online and for some reason because I am single they all assume I am looking for a relationship. I mean yes I am - but not just only online and I do also like just making friends in general.

My dating life is pretty jam packed at the moment. I go out at least 2-3 times a week on dates so I am not desperate by any means. Some freak just spazzed at me cause 1) I wouldnt give him my cell number 2)I didnt reply within 5 seconds of him asking me something on msn 3) because he asked what I was looking for and i said friends. That is true. I have to be friends with someone to date them.

Meh his loss for sure. heheh and while he had his little hissy fit three guys called/messaged me. Bahaha I finally love being at the stage in my life where I KNOW I am a good person, while I am by no means perfect Im a pretty damn good catch.

9 more sleeps until party time

So its 11 more sleeps until Vegas. I am already getting into party mode. I need this break so bad I really can't wait to let loose. I have a ton of new bathing suits and dresses...and thats all I am bringing. Its a no pants allowed party. I really hope there are some people (and by people I mean men) ready and willing to have a good time. Im not looking for a fling but I love to flirt.

I never reached my goal for Vegas but I am not letting that stop me from having fun. After almost 30 years I am discovering I LOVE my curves and there are a few guys out there who like them too. My flat tummy will come and until then I will just wear flowy dresses.

I had planned on wearing the bikini in Vegas but now I think i may go out tomorrow and do one piece instead. Im getting there but still not right on yet

A shorter skirt
A Tight T-shirt
An Unexpected Down Pour


Heheh Opps. I think I accidently put on a show yesterday even though I didn't mean to. Haha at least I proved my mascara truly is waterproof which should work well in the pool in Vegas.

Happy Sunday Everyone! OHHHHH and if you haven't seen the Dark Knight then GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I loved this movie and I think I am going to have to find someone else to go back with because I think I need to see it a second time.

Wow what a rain storm tonight. I was at the mall and missed a lot of it but by the time I went to leave it was still pouring and the rain was as high, if not higher than the sidewalks. Had I not had a ton of bags and white sandals on I would have loved to walk in it. Because it was still so warm out it would have been an awesome time to be with a guy and at the beach or a park all alone. I have still never got kissed in the rain (unless you count being kissed inside a car with the rain beating down which is hot as well).

I have had sex on the beach but thats about as much as I have done for summer lovin'. I need to work on changing that. So many ideas, so little time. haha usually so little men too

Anyone got some good summer fantasies they want to share? I am thinking
a back yard & a kiddie pool
a beach away from everyone and some tanning oil
a hammock in the dark with a breeze (although this one screams accident waiting to happen)
a short skirt, no underwear and finding a hidden path at the park

The weekend was awesome- can we repeat it?

Two dates, a girls night out, tanning, sleeping in, Will Smith, an extra day off, sunshine, having both fire fighters and police officers ask you out, pay week, and lots of fun things planned until next March = A Very Happy and Relaxed Beachy.

Hope everyone else had fun too. Was it as beautiful everywhere as it was in Toronto??