So umm yeah

I deleted almost all my pics today

I was reading something in another blog and it got to me. Basically how I want my guy to be the one whos seeing me naked and (hopefully) liking what he sees. If he doesnt mind NN then great.

Anyways it doesnt matter as I am single at the moment. I ended things with the guy I was dating on Monday. I really thought there was something there but I guess I was wrong. My heart is pretty much in a million pieces at the moment. Thankfully once again its Christmas and I am alone so I dont need to try and be cheerful for anyone. I should learn by now that once I realize I am falling for someone that bad things are coming

Sorry to be so down...yuck. Im not leaving NN and maybe in time I will post again (hehe hopefully with some even better pics!)The worst part about deleting all the pics was the amazing comments and memories that went with them. I consider quite a few people on this site friends and even fell in love a time or two.

I hope everyone on here has an awesome Christmas and gets what they are asking for. To those with kids please take the time to understand the miracle you have in your life and enjoy every mintue of it. This time next year I will be an aunt and you can guarentee I will ensure that they have the best christmas -EVERY Christmas

Love you all
xoxox

I was reading sexcrazedcouples blog and I have to admit I have been thinking a lot about deleting my pics too. I never go into chat anymore and I never read the forums. Aside from blogs I dont spend much time on here.

The real reason is also that I have met someone. Im not sure where we are headed if even anywhere but this is someone I am interested in. Ive met three main guys in the past 2 years...one I liked him, one like me and now finally maybe I met someone that we both like each other.

I kinda feel like NN is a whole other world for me now. It was a great place when I needed it - a place to lean on friends, a fantastic place for information on almost any subject I could dream up, a place where I finally regained my self confidence, a place I made sooooo many friends and where I learned so much about sex and human behavoir.

If I leave, Im not disappearing - just the pics are for a while..maybe forever. I hate deleting the pics because I love the comments and the fact people took time to make them. Some leave me with great memories and others hurt but thats all within the circle of life.

As weird as this is, I joined this "sex site" but I love the blogs and the inside look on peoples lives. This is the one place I have always been able to be myself. I dont think Im ready to give that up. haha but then again if Im not showing the goods I doubt many people will care what I say anyways

Sooooooooooo

Can you see my smile tonight(today) from what ever corner of the world you are peeking in from? I am one happpppppppppppppppppy happppppppppppppppppppppppy Beachy tonight. I swear my face almost hurts because my smile is just that big

waiting...wanting...wishing

lol i so need to get my ass to bed but I dont think I can actually stop smiling long enough to fall asleep.

Bahahah I'm the worst Christmas shopper ever.

Yesterday my best friend and I went shopping together. I managed to buy:

Lingerie - for me
A sweater - for me
New Years Dress - for me
Make Up - For me
A New Toy - For me
Accessories for the lingerie - for me
Massage Oil - for me (although maybe I can find someone to share with)
2 Movies - for a Friend

Hahah Im pure evil I tell you. Although, my friend has never had a toy and considering shes in a Long Distance relationship I think she NEEDS one. So I did do one good deed yesterday

Now I am off to run a few more errands and if I am not completely frozen by the time I come home I may try for some new pics. Dont count on too much though...I seem to have lost my passion for creating new pics. I find living in a small apartment doesnt help. Id try for one outside but 1) I would freeze and 2) Id prefer not to give the neighbours a free show.

Happy Sunday NN'ers. Whos going to be here to warmn me up when I get back?? Its a chilly -21 here

Howdy folks

its Monday...but its almost over and I survived (pending a trip to the shower in a moment) hehe anyone wanna help me there again? My body is getting used to the exercise again but its still resisting some. On the good side I am down 3.4 lbs and 2 1/2 inches in a week.

Also all my problems lately may all be solved by one thing. Funny how everyone and everything in my life comes together sometimes when none are really related except through me

Now because my blogs have been lacking sexual content lately I have 2 questions

1) a few years ago a friend on here bought me an eggie that runs off usb (woohoo no batteries!) I have been telling a friend about it but for the life of me I cant find one anywhere. Mine is in storage in PEI and its not exactly something I can ask a family member to go dig out for me. Anyone know where I can find one?

2) and Im not sure this can be answered because it may be preference...when a girl is going down on a guy..does licking the balls itself feel good? Like say I was to just lick from underneath to half way up the shaft over and over..does that do anything for you? Was just a weird convo I got into with someone the other day and since shes a female like me she wasnt much help.

Ok whos dumbass idea was it to exercise three days in a row? Ouch ouch ouch ouch OUCH!!!!!!!

Who wants to carry me to the shower, then give me a massage? haha you may not get rewarded tonight but in time I promise it will be well worth it

hmm so whats new in the world of beach...

had a great weekend that sorta went wrong. A friend of mine is going through some hell with a long distance relationship..so bright idea - for her Christmas gift I decide to get him here for a week. She was sooooo excited and everything was going according to plan..even a possible date for myself in the works. But it got fucked up and now due to some border crap I dont think he is going to be able to come. I feel like shit for causing her this pain. I should have waited to tell her but I asked him over and over if he was able to come....sigh. I know my heart is in the right place but I still feel horrible.

Oh and another tough lesson from last week...ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS have extra condoms

Just checking in

Things are kinda wacky at the moment...with the stuff from my previous blogs, my best friend going through some heavy family stuff, a death of someone from home, and goodness knows what else I am just trying to keep myself sane.

Overall I am pretty happy...not everything is bad. Some good things are going on and I hope they continue. Plus Saturday night I am heading out with the girls to see one of my all time favorite players numbers raised (hockey)

Just wanted to say Howdy hope all is well and praying all my Canadian friends make it through yet another winter

Love Beach

Thanks for the comments on the last blog all. I think I have made my choice and I am happy with it.

What I am not happy with is that its almost Monday...again I didn't even get to see my - umm, err lets call him my ..ahh fuck if I know. The guy I like Not quite sure where we are at as we have had some wickedly busy months...between us both on vacation at seperate times, a death in his family, our jobs and just life in general. Hehe I did see him twice through the week last week though so lets aim for that again. I don't even know if we are going anywhere with it but for here and now its fine. I kinda thought it may only just be a summer fling so if it ends, well so be it.

So what did everyone do all weekend? I was out most of it so no time to perv sadly. I think there should be mandatory perv time every day...dontcha think??

Some people may wonder why I blog the stuff I do on here. Basically for me NN is an outlet in more ways than one. Not many people on here know the real me so I can say what I want and not need to worry I am hurting someone or need to worry what people think of me. This blog is just some stuff I need to get out.

On Saturday, I got a call that my fathers common law wife has 2 weeks to live. She went to the Dr and within a day was diagnosed with both brain and lung cancer. There is absolutely no chance. They have her on morphine and are doing radation for the pain but thats it. No chemo, no meds - there is no point.

As sad as I am I am not close to her. Dont get me wrong I wouldnt wish cancer on anyone in this world. As caring of a person as I am, if my life would save hers I would do it. That being said....

For the past 15 years they dated, she pushed me out of there lives. My dad was once my best friend. She was jealous of me - with no reason as I didnt even live in the same province and I and have no trouble with them being together. For a long time my family said I was imagining things or that I needed to try harder.

Two years ago when I moved to Ontario my grandmother finally saw it wasn't me and I wasn't to blame. Since then my father choose to not attend my brothers wedding...and not even call him and congratulate him. That was the final straw for me. I have been calling for the past 2 months to get some closure. I just needed him to hear I am done and he can't hurt me any more. I even called on my 30th bday but he wont answer.

No matter that this woman has come in and stolen my father away, in the end I blame him. HE was my dad, HE was the parent, and HES the one who choose her (when there wasnt even a reason to choose) I am going through shit right now because everyone thinks this could be the "miracle" that brings my family back together. I say FUCK THAT. I am truly sad for him losing her, but I am not some second prize. He didnt want me around when she was here so I am not going to come back when she leaves. Thats not fair to me. I finally feel like I am a person worthy of being loved and cared about. I have the best friends ever, and so many people who care about me. Im not going back to what I was.

Not everyone is going to agree with me here but I dont care. These are my feelings no matter if they are right or wrong. I just needed to write this all out because its been running around in my brain for days and I need everything to stop spinning.

Not everything in this life is black or white. I do pray she doesnt suffer and I even pray my father finds a way to get through this..its just going to have to be without me.