bushofireee's blog post

Tuesday, September 16, 2014, 11:26:45 AM

This past year has been one of the worst years of my life so far.
I have/had something wrong with me, which has affected my personal life, relationships, mental health and general well-being. I've been balancing on the edge of depression the whole time, and have fallen into some very dark thoughts..

Yesterday, after almost a year of countless appointments and tests with GPs and doctors, I might have finally got a conclusive diagnosis. I really do hope they're right this time. This whole time we've been going down a blind alley pursuing physical conditions to no avail, and now, after an appointment with a specialist, he's convinced it's a neurological disorder.. cool, huh?

The biggest suspected root of the problem is stress and anxiety... can you believe that? Something which seems so minor and dare I say easily treatable, is what has caused my life to be a misery.. I almost find it hard to believe. I hope the diagnosis is correct and the solution to all of this is something rather quite simple. I've been put on pretty hardcore antibiotics and antidepressants to help combat everything. I just read the side effects and it's likely during the next few weeks my depression will actually get worse, and if I've had suicidal thoughts before they're likely to return. I'm certainly looking forward to that! *rolls eyes*.. aha! ...it is actually quite a scary thought

I don't want to go into specifics and detail what is actually wrong with me, but I feel writing this and sharing just something will help get it out of my mind.. This whole awful chapter of my life I've only shared with my best friend and just a few people online – you know who you are, and I am eternally grateful and thankful for all the support. Just knowing someone cares and offering their friendship on the dark days means SO much.. Thank you.. I might not be here otherwise.. thank you so much.. really, I wish I could give you all the biggest of hugs..

I hope this is the beginning of the end to this ordeal. I really, really hope it is..
*fingers crossed*

Comments

Others Have Said:

Entropy20 on 16-Sep-14 11:43:35

My wife has been going through the same thing .
It is much much harder than anybody who has not experienced can imagine.
Big hugs dude

LuLusBakery on 16-Sep-14 13:31:45

2014 has not been kind to me at all. Some bigger sad events....but at times, it's the "little things" adding up in terms of stress or anxiety that seem the worst.

If you need someone older and wiser to talk you through when you're feeling down....you know how to find me.

Happy you worked so hard to get it all sorted out. It will be worth it. YOU are worth it. Take care -

TexAngel on 16-Sep-14 19:18:44

I hope you have finally found the correct diagnosis and everything turns around for you. Big, big hugs and all of us are here cheering you on. xxx

undisclosedid1 on 16-Sep-14 19:26:10

Bush, I am sending you my best wises for a speedy and rapid recovery. The underdogs have our fair share of experience of the hardships created by health problems. Keep the faith, and remember a smile makes everything better.

JediMasterBater on 16-Sep-14 20:51:26

My thoughts are with you *hugs*

kimberly_1229 on 17-Sep-14 1:31:05

thoughts are with you sexy man,we have a broad array of support here with great nn friends

livinanddreamin on 17-Sep-14 8:21:29

Things like stress and anxiety are rarely simple to properly diagnose because it fluctuates so rapidly. It's easy to look at it and say it's all on you, and you can fix it, but anyone without monk-like self control struggles with those in the normal world. Keep the faith, I'd be glad to talk if you need a stranger with a good ear (or eyes for reading as it were). I look forward to seeing you on the other side this. (My 2012 was similar, struggling with depression, family, stress, etc. thought about driving into a lot of solid objects without a seatbelt most times I got into a car). Good luck and take care

GottaBeMe on 17-Sep-14 10:05:17

Huggggs! Wishing all the best for you....always xo

WendySilvia on 17-Sep-14 17:36:08

Big huge hugs sweetie...

MrsTexasPeach on 17-Sep-14 21:05:22

Awe hun I do hope they have gotten to the root of it all. Should those dark days return just know you have people here rooting for you and are here should you need them. I hate to see such an inspiring young man as yourself have such struggles. Please feel free to contact either of us if you ever need to vent or clear your head. Just wanted you to know you have a friend in me.