esoterica's Blog

and this might be one of those days...

I'm not beautiful (but I'm a bit gorgeous now and again)
I'm not clever
I'm not thin.. I'm not fat

I've read books, but not so many as I should have or I'd like to have
I wish I could paint, or draw, but I can't

I've got wrinkles, lots of them... and I don't always love them but most of the time I do. I also stand up and say I've got fat bits too.

But then again, I can sew, and cook a bit (do nice cakes) .
And when I post photos again they will be of me in me prime with all the bits included.

For those who've read Cat's blog about yesterday.. here are some of the bits she missed out....

Cat, superlovely Cat, was right.. we had a great time... good fun, chatting like we'd met years ago... much as I'd thought it would be really though I admitted I was a bit nervous in case I wasn't what she expected!

The nerves quickly disappeared when we went into the first (of many) pubs... so it was down to chatting about family, friends, books, boots, shoes, sex, shoes and sex, and which is the best washing machine on the planet. (OK, spot the fib!)

Now Cat is a very attractive woman, in mind and body .... so it'll be no surprise to anyone that as soon as she went to the bar, all the chaps' heads moved to check her out... and this sequence of events occurred as we made our way through Manchester's pubs... hehe! There was the little guy in pub number two (or was it three?) ... and two out of three in the Circus ... (the other one being a curmudgeonly old sod) ....

We didn't get the recording contract.. even though I was announced as MissP ... and lol I think I may have come over as the Dominatrice ... but I have to tell you Cat that the record producer said he'd sign you but not me.. so sorry I didn't let on

We passed a tattoo and piercing shop... and after thinking about it (five minutes I'd been thinking for a while) I went to have me nipples pierced... but first had to go to the bank machine for the cash. Ran too the cash machine... boots were killing me ... ran back... and started to complete the form! Most was ok.. then .... "Have you had alcohol in the last 24 hours?" Being an honest gal I said yes.. only for the eye candy chappy to say "Sorry, no can do" Boo bloomin hoo I say.... but I've got the number so might be back very very soon!

Oh.. I did some shopping too... some fabric... on the train home (missed me last one had to go to another station and then £28 quid for taxi home from there!... bloomin boots!) ... a group of pals squidged up next to me and started to chat... one of them asked about the fabric... "Oh that? It's for a new fetish costume I'm going to make." So she shouted out to her mate at the other end of the train.. "You'll never guess what this is for" she laughs, waving me parcel around ... "This 'ere lass is a fetishist! How fantastic is that!" ....

Blush, moi! You bet I did.. but laughed with the compartment too!

Fun end to a great day...
Thanks Cat!

... blow me down!

Never mentioned freedom in the last blog.. didn't know that is what I've found...
you lot knew all along.. and kept the secret till I would understand what you meant!

You probably know how smiley I am now then.. and shaking my head ... in the way you do when you mean yes but your head looks like it's saying no 'cos it's unbelievably true...saying "got it.. got it!" to myself!

thankyou xxxxxxxx

"Wisdom" would have it that by the time your reach 53 you'd have learned a lot about yourself, wouldn't you? And I know there are lots of folk who know themselves when they're half my age!

Truth is that I've never really thought to find out about myself. I've had counselling to help me overcome issues, but I don't consider that to be the same.. I look on it more as a difficult means to an end....

But recently I'm getting to know a bit more about my psyche, my desires, boundaries, fears, limitations. My attitudes are changing, things I thought were not for me are turning out to be EXACTLY for me.

An immediate outcome of this shift in my thinking is that I'm taking myself into consideration a little more than in the past.. and you know what? It's not half so scary as I would have imagined it to be.

Now I just have to wonder if this makes much sense to anyone else... but whereas a couple of years ago I wouldn't have written it (I would have thought it vain) ... today I just do it!

Yippee!

enjoy

There was the most wonderful thunderstorm here last night, lasting about three of hours. It started around six thirty and lasted on and off until almost ten.

I love the power of thunderstorms, and this was one of the biggest I've ever been in.. there was forked lightning on top of the hill opposite my window, thunder as loud as I've ever heard. I've never been afraid of thunderstorms but last night I was a bit different.

I'm certain the house was hit and almost jumped out of my skin with fright. I stood outside for a while and was drenched by fierce rain. My experience was life-affirming... I loved it. As there were storms all over the country I never thought to mention it though, even, in when I was in NN chat last night...

This morning I had a text from a good friend asking if I was ok.... I knew nothing of the fact that whilst I was enjoying the storm up the hill, there were flash floods in the valley below. The road into nearby towns is now closed, and many homes flooded. Houses were evacuated and over fifty families took shelter in the large supermarket on the edge of town. The River Calder broke its banks.... all I suffered was a short electricity outtage and lack of a phone line for short time .....

So when I was thanking Mother Naure for the rain and storm and marvelling at the power she has.... others were in the thick of it. They will have lost furniture, carpets, and such - all of this can be replaced. But children will have lost favourite toys, photographs and letters will have gone....

I have a friend who's mother in law lives in one of the affected parts of town.. I've tried to see if there's a way I can help (when I can get through) but no response as yet. There are no injuries reported, which is excellent news, so I don't worry that way, but my heart goes out for those who've been affected...

I haven't blogged for a while, but I've been reading them... what a wonderful variety there is...... !
Some have nekkid pics, or direct us to nekkid pics

Some share the writer's "ordinary" life (though nothing about any individual is ordinary to me)

Others use their blogs as a confessional .. and yet others ask for advice or opinions. There are what I term "soap opera' blogs, with lots of dramatis personae I've come to "know" ...

I've read newsy blogs, funny blogs, hopeful blogs, ranting blogs, blaming blogs, disrespectful blogs, blogs with stories...... the list is endless (OK it's not, I ended it a few words ago..)

And having written all that ... I'm off to read a few more!
Enjoy!
P

but a pointer to a story in the forum. "Sound".
I hope any of you who read it leave a comment, whether you like it or no.
P

Yesterday I got up at dawn ... couldn't sleep. My neighbour's on holiday, and I needed to check how the hens were getting on who'd been sitting on some duck eggs. And I found this little baby....
So, in honour of one of my favourite bloggers (tilac_girl).. may I introduce you to the fortyeight grams of feather and feet that goes by the name of Benjie!




have a lovely day.. enjoy!
xxx

... which is good news for me... don't know about you lot though

For all I knew it was a temporary thing, recent loss of fizz was not my usual one day thing. It lasted a while, and seems to have marked a shift in my attitudes/thoughts/persona. I don't know what that shift is yet, mind.

Practical things have changed - finished my work placement, passed my exams, tidied up the hovel a little. And those itty bitty things ...the fact I've done them and come out of a sloth-like state .... seem to be signifying something else, something bigger. Here are a couple of the signs....

Three times this week I've spoken (in real life) to people about one of my biggest hobbies being "learning".

I've had phone calls from three people this week that I haven't heard from in a long time. Each call was joyous.

I had two hugs today. Real hugs. Each of them was out of the blue, and life-affirming,

I had three pieces of mail today. A pm from another NNr asking my opinion .... because she would value it. Then a postcard from a friend, written from a place we'd visited for a weekend a long long time ago. The card was to say how much that weekend had meant.... and how enjoyable it had been.. How cool is that?
And I had a gift of a book from someone I've been estranged from (my fault entirely). That was cool too, and showed a very generous and warm spirit.

Yep. It's been a good week. An especially good day. I'd be surprised if you couldn't see me smiling and laughing.

Joy and love to all of you.
xxx

... for as long as I enjoy myself. I've been out ot sorts for a while but blooging is a way out of it.

I've given up on pics and I thought it would be a strange feeling and it is. There were plenty of lovely comments, much more than I ever would have anticipated. As a femiinist (yes, truly one of those dinosaurs) it was an altogether wierd experience. I've spent well over thirty years asking not to be judged by my body and then .. woo hoo... I come here and find it really liberating. And undeniably exhilerating and exciting. But there was a downisde ...

It's shown me to be vain - posting my pics made me feel vain, Bad comments didn't put me off ... they were few enough you see, and they weren't the reason I took my pics down. You see I have the confidence to ride them out ... I can do confidence in great big buckets most of the time. But vanity doesn't sit at all well with me and leaves me feeling uncomfortable....

So this pics have gone, the name's gone, the old blogs have gone. But I can't do without bloggin.......