jake5270's Blog - page 17

If you ever want to put a jolt into your sex life,

try having sex against an electric fence.

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I'm at that age where people my age are either getting remarried or getting a divorce...

and I don't know who to go celebrate with.

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You know it's really cold outside,

when you step on dog shit...

and roll your ankle.

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As my ex wife was frequently heard to say:

"I'm just not in the mood."

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I think I'm beginning to get a tan from the light bulb in my refrigerator.

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The weather report today calls for cloudy skies,

with 2-4" of snow overnight.

Translated,

that means anywhere from a dusting to a foot.

I'm so glad I'm retired now.

Oh the weather outside can bite me,

and my car won't start to spite me,

and I can't feel any of my toes,

winter blows,

winter blows,

winter blows.

I went outside for my morning walk today.

It was two below.

I definitely wasn't in Mississippi.

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The outdoor temperature was -4 degrees F when I awoke this morning,

with a windchill of -25 degrees.

Seems like a good day to veg out watching movies until time to watch pro football players earn their pay outdoors.

Last night was fun seeing a coach with icicles in his mustache.

Who loves you more...

your wife/girlfriend or your dog?

Try this test:

Lock them both in the trunk of your car,

then in an hour,

see which one is happy to see you when you let them out.

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