ok cassie... I give up, you win. this whole thing went down a bad road I take full responsliblity for with my comments. were you brave heart's girlfriend? sorry, not trying to make it worse, sometimes I can't help myself. Maybe that's why people out here have learned to put up with me... Shit! I wish I could say I would not have said I'de say what I did if I knew it would cause so much stink, but that would be untrue, and I never lie. I just felt that I was pouring my heart out in my blog about the most personal stuff you could ever talk about, dying. and dying hard and slow and painful. and when I read the responses, I thought it was pretty supererfical to get responses back that were one line! Yeah, now you know bitch!(I mean my friend!) Sorry, maybe, no matter how hard I try to be good, sometimes I just have to say what I think. I'me glad to know where I stand at least. I have spent a long time contemplating what you said, and pretty much you are right. I don't know you and should not have judged you on one comment. But you do not know me either. When something, (anything) goes wrong out here, people don't call the law, they call me. When people need food, they don't call the food bank, they call me. When their car breaks down and they're stranded, they call me. When they are scarred because they hear noises outside their house at night and their husband is at work, they call me... when their boy is in jail and needs bail, they call me.
When I am longing and hurting and not sure where to turn, I have no one to call. and that is my fault because I have never wanted to show anyone any weakness. the fact no one thinks I am weak, is the reason others turn to me.
The reason I can say what I said on here is because on here no one knows who I am, unlike out here where everyone knows who I am and depends on me. So, I'm sorry you don't get me, how could you? No one out here gets me either, they just see what they want also. I hope I didn't hurt you too bad. You sound like a tough chick on the outside, but I can tell your are sensitive and struggleing to survive this bastard world like all of us. Sorry I came off like such a prick, but don't ever tell me about suffering. I spent a year in the hospital one time overhearing everyong (at 19) talking about how I'd never make it. Yeah, I know I'm fucked up, but at least I'm the one facing what I have to face becuase I know I'm the one who can face this down better than most. So please allow me some room to blow. all my love , kidblue | 
o am I recieved a call about some people that had been run out of Tracy's room, who were now camped out in a stairwell. Had driver take me down and brought back 2 of Tracy's Portugese sheepherders who are now back out in the big barn. This would be funny if everyone was not so serious around here. I miss him so much I'm crying. Even his goats are sad. I miss this prick, he is more real than I ever remembered. When I curl up at night in his dumb custom bed, I sleep with the angels. Christ, I thought I was over him along time ago, he is the only person that ever made me cry, can't stop, fuck, he is real.