Physics, Math, Engineering...
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is.
Q: How many quanta does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
Q: How many consulting engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, that'll be $50 please.
Q: How many nuclear physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, he raises it into place and the world revolves around him.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Approximately 1.000000000000000000000.
Three: one to screw it in, and two to figure out how to get rid of the remainder.
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an earlier riddle.
Computing...
Q: How many Pentium owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 0.99987, but that's close enough for most applications.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they merely change the standard to darkness and then they upgrade the customers.
Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the light bulb, and one to watch him to make sure he doesn't say 'nipple'.
Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ten - one to screw it in, two to design the icon, four to design the T-shirts, and three to come up with the code name for the project.
Programming (they like to call themselves "software engineers"
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem. (heard that one a few times)
Just one. But it takes them all night. And when they're done, the washing machine doesn't work right.
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
1.000000001.
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change...
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000.
"The change is 90% complete."
"It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working."
Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.
Q: How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old one.
"We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?"
Q: How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. "We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem."
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"
Q: How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
Q: How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank".
Q: How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Assorted...
Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The seeds of the revolution are in the light bulb itself.
Q: How many Australians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink beer until the room starts spinning.
Q: How many college students does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, will this be on the test?
Q: How many buddhists(sp) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to change it and one not to change it.
Q: How many clowns does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: As many as they can fit inside
Q: How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Wanna go for a bike ride?
Q: How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one to hold the pen1s... I mean ladder.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny.
Q: How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, the same number it takes to screw anywhere else.
Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.
Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Forty... you gotta problem with that?
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,331:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.light.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.light.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
