A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed: "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me? You could have been killed!"
The man replied nonchalantly: "Listen, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

sing a song of syphilis, a pockets full of crabs
4 + 20 blackheads , twice as many scabs
when they all pop open, crabs begin to swim
wasn't that a manky muff to put your willy in!

1.) "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"
2.) "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"
3.) "I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
4.) "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!"
5.) "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
6.) "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
7.) "You're so sexy when you're hung over."
8.) "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."
9.) "Let's subscribe to Hustler."
10.) "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
11.) "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."
12.) "I'll be out painting the house."
13.) "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too."
14.) "Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!"
15.) "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."
16.) "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."
17.) "Your mother did a great job raising you."
18.) "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."
19.) "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."
20.) "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"
21.) "Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
22.) "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."
23.) "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."
24.) "That was a great fart! Do another one!"
25.) "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!"

A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer.
He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."
The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull.
The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was
gaining on the employee at every step!!

The old farmer called out, "SHOW HIM YOUR CARD!!"

The Vagina...

The most comprehensive vagina nickname list in the world...!!
Vagina, Pussy, Bearded Clam, Vertical Smile, Beaver, Cunt, Trim, Hair Pie, Bearded Ax Wound, Tuna Taco, Fur Burger,
Cooch, Cooter, Punani, Snatch, Twat, Lovebox, Box, Poontang, Cookie, Fuckhole, Love Canal, Flower, Nana, Pink Taco, Cat,
Catcher's Mitt, Muff, Roast Beef Curtains, The Cum Dump, Chocha, Black Hole, Sperm Sucker, Fish Sandwich, Cock Warmer,
Whisker Biscuit, Carpet, Love Hole, Deep Socket, Cum Craver, Cock Squeezer, Slice Of Heaven, Flesh Cavern,
The Great Divide, Cherry, Tongue Depressor, Clit Slit, Hatchet Wound, Honey Pot, Quim, Meat Massager, Chacha, Stinkhole,
Black Hole Of Calcutta, Cock Socket, Pink Taco, Bottomless Pit, Dead Clam, Cum Crack, Twat, Rattlesnake Canyon,
Bush, Cunny, Flaps, Fuzz Box, Fuzzy Wuzzy, Gash, Glory Hole, Grumble, Man In The Boat, Mud Flaps, Mound, Peach, Pink,
Piss Flaps, The Fish Flap, Love Rug, Vadge, The Furry Cup, Stench-Trench, Wizard's Sleeve, Dna Dumpster, Tuna Town,
Split Dick, Bikini Bizkit, Cock Holster, Cockpit, Snooch, Kitty Kat, Poody Tat, Grassy Knoll, Cold Cut Combo, Jewel Box,

Rosebud, Curly Curtains, Furry Furnace, Slop Hole, Velcro Love Triangle, Nether Lips, Where Uncle's Doodle Goes,
Altar Of Love, Cupid's Cupboard, Bird's Nest, Bucket, Cock-Chafer, Love Glove, Serpent Socket, Spunk-Pot,
Hairy Doughnut, Fun Hatch, Spasm Chasm, Red Lane, Stinky Speedway, Bacon Hole, Belly Entrance, Nookie, Sugar Basin,
Sweet Briar, Breakfast Of Champions, Wookie, Fish Mitten, Fuck Pocket, Hump Hole, Pink Circle, Silk Igloo,
Scrambled Eggs Between The Legs, Black Oak, Republic Of Labia, Juice Box, Golden Palace, Fetus Flaps, Skins,
Sausage Wallet, Holiest Of Holies, Sugar Hole, The Death Of Adam, Home Plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw,
Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler (Aussie), Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, Crack, Melvin, Dove Breast,
Brake Pads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums, Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts,
Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants (Sweden), Ninja Boot, Marcia (Aussie), Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole,
Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Sausage Wallet, Front Bottom, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll,
Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie (China), Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket,
Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, Kitty Cage, Chicken's Tongue, Conch Shell, Crack Of Heaven,
Dog's Mouth, Door Of Life, Fly Catcher, Fruit Cup, Jelly Roll, Lobster Pot, Bunny Tuft, Knish, Her Asshole Neighbor,
Lotus, Nappy Dugout, Moneymaker, Womens Weapon, Tackle Box, Bone Hider, Red Sea, Pizzo, Jizz Receptacle,
The Helmut Hide-A-Way, Hairy Heaven, Furry 8 Ball Rack, Crave Cave, Arbys With Fur, Fish Canyon, Tool Shed,
Snake Charmer, Furby, Enchilada Of Love, Ham Sandwich, Camarillo Brillo, Brazilian Caterpillar, Dick Rack,
Boy In The Canoe, Flesh Tuxedo, Mound Of Venus, Queef Quarters, Venus Butterfly, Cooter, Cream Canal, Poontang Pie,
Wet Mark, Private Area, Thresher, Punash, Salami Garage, Tunnel Of Love, Slurpee Machine, Pink Cookie, Penalty Box,
Ground Zero, Meat Crease, Bait, Birth Canal, Holy Grail, Pole Hole, Pork Pie, Fuzz Bucket, One-Eyed Python Trail,
Bubble Gum By The Bum, Stink Rink, Theme Park, Saloon Doors, Pink Truffle, Bitter & Twisted, Burger Bar, Meat Counter,
Temperamental Ring Piece, Python Syphon, Big Bud, The Wombsday Book, The Condo Downstate, Snake Lake,
The Indoor Barbecue, Pound Cake, Beef Tomato, Tickled Pink, Launch Pad,
Horn Of Plenty, The Indoor Picnic, Hamper Of Goodies, Flapped Bap, Bonefish, Close Encounter With The Turd Kind,
Sperm Bank, Man's Charity Bash, Bush Tucker, Midnight Dip, The One-Door Vulva, The Welcome Opponent,
The Twatlantic Ocean, Temporary Lodgings, Field Of Dreams, Bean, Cooze, Old Catchers Mitt, Devil's Hole,
Lucy, Pish Buffet, Pooswaa, Poonaner, Davey Jones Locker, Pink Panther, Tinker Bell, South Mouth, Dick Eater,
Wonder Bread, Wolly Bolly, Foxhole, Hot Pocket, Head Catcher, Lawrence Of A Labia, Silk Funnel, Dick Driver,
Purple People Penis Eater, Meat Curtains, Ponchita, Cherry Pop Tart, Fat Rabbit, Scunt, Pee Jaws, Mingus,
The Notorious V.A.G., Stench Trench, Poon Jab, Nappy Dugout, Babyoven, Penis Parking, Cooter Muffin,
The Promised Land, Cock Pocket, Cha Cha, The Shrine, Bitch Ditch, Fury Pink Mink, Mammal Hole,
Ever-Lasting Cum Stopper, The Toothless Blow Job, Happy Flappy, Wilt Chamberlian's Daily Glove,
The Code Defierthe Salt Water Taffy Factory, Mommy's Pie, The Easy Bake Oven, The Deflower Patch, The Virginator,
The Schlong Sucker, The Dead Bone Patch, The Vegitarian's Temptation, The Vegan Store, The Blow Hole,
The Pump Protector, Bag Pipe, Spitball Bullseye, Meat Wagon, Pickle Stinker, Jezebel's Smell, Yoni, Willys Haven,
Scrumpter, Peach, Sweat Box, Yeast Pocket, Penis Warmer, Tampon Tunnel, Penis Pothole, Cucumber Canal, Egg Drop Box,
Sperm Shack, Dick Dungeon, Cock Curator, B.O.B.'S Bungalow, Mommy Parts, Tuna Pot Pie, Nice Slice, Peter Vise,
Cock Sock, Rack Of Clam, Peters Grove, Penis Purse, Grandest Canyon, Fish Dish, Banana Box, Tuna Spread, Pink Portal,
Count Fapula, Red River Gorge, Happy Valley, Revolving In/Out Door, Baby Zipper, Richards House, Stop-N-Pop,
Bone Polisher, Packin Shack, Weiner Wrap, Clap Trap, Camel Toe, Dildo Hotel, Axe Gash, Pearl Hotel, Sea Food Six Pack,
Clam Canal, Coose Canal, Dick Deposit, Wand Waxer, Vidgie, Erie Canal, Candy Kiss, Gauntlet,
Round Mound Of Beehound,Lick N' Stick, Lap Flounder, Tomahawk Chop, Chin-Chin, Pachinko, Cuntry Pie, Lip Tip,
The Big Casino, One Eyed Worm Hole, Amazon Forest, Cock Cave, Fuck Donut, Coochie Pop, Babby, Wet Seal, Pissy Froth Hole,
Bald Biscuit, The Unmentionable, Mans Ruin, Peeshie, Hairy Potter, Courtney Cocksleve, Panty Hamster, Deep Pink,
Jaws Of Life, Gizmo, Faith, Cock Magnet, Slippery Slide, Meat Tunnel, Pink Heaven, Squid, Dick Basket, Hot Spot,
Poochika, Pudding, Bowl, Love Cave, Squeeze-Box, Quim, Honey Pot, The Bone Collector, Goodie Basket, Depository,
Pink Turtleneck, Bread-Box, Little Debbie, Pole Hole, Pandora's Box, Snail Tracker, Cuntzilla, Homebase, Pud Pocket,
Bear Trap, Indian Bones And The Temple Of Poon, Chanch, Big Montana, Noochie, Choot, Golden Valley, Nappy Roots,
Dick Mitten, Mystical Fold.

A little boy was overheard praying:

'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.

I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,

'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,

and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they

were on the way to church service,

'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'

One bright little girl replied,

'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

'Ryan, you be Jesus!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children

when the four-year-old son ran up to him,

grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore

where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.

'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

'Did God throw him back down?'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.

'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

There was a higher amount of female spectators at the Pirate Show at Disneyland.

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:


Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $500 0. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

I'm not a big royalist but I really need to know if Prince Philip farted??? Look at the Queen's face. He's obviously held her head under the covers a few times!!!

It's so fucking wrong!!! I love it!!

http://www.joecartoon.com/cartoons/195-froggy_funwheel

Be sure to watch the whole ending, or you'll miss some of the funny stuff...