Hell of a week I say!! I've always been reluctant to talk openly about where I live cause I refer to it as "redneck nation". Me..by virtue of growing up in "redneck nation", then of course guess that makes me a redneck also. And guess like anywhere else, there are good things here. But the bad things are hard for me to deal with. For instance there will always be some redneck incidence raising it's ugly head, and though I've managed well to stay out of the fray....they caught up with me this week. Had to referee this recurring alcholic induced suicide threat by a family member....which by the way is getting so damn old. And on the other side of town, had to moderate a potential small race war issue. The unspoken rules of "redneck nation" states that I cannot be critical of where I grew up or my family. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the first opportunity I get, I will move as far away as possible. May as well. Cause I also broke another rule that completing college makes you "uppidy" "above my raisin" so not like I've been so popular here anyway. It's awful to be treated like a criminal just because you wanted to get away from the trailor park. And even worse...live in a trailor behind your mom's house. And don't get me wrong. If this is your lifestyle and you love it, then more power to you. But to be hated...just cause you want something different...that's hard to deal with.
But I do try my best to take it all in stride. Though I must admit that last spring two things I read on NN helped put me in a tailspin. First I read about the death of Dawn. I didn't know her, but I was greatly saddened by it. Soon Alpina followed talking about a friend who was suffering from a terminal illness and was considering going to Switzerland for physician assisted suicide. And since then...in the back of my mind...I thought...I have enough credit so why not just go to Switzerland also. Just party my ass off in Geneva for about a week. Stay in a lovely full service hotel, sightsee, get laid if all possible..then head to the hospital. I could finally rest. No worries. No pain. No endless stacks of paperwork. No more figuring out how to survive without being ruined. No more invasions of my privacy. No more tracking down doctors. No more medical research...reading about things I can't afford. No more worry about how to make some cash with waning and waxing symptoms when I live in a deadline society. And last but certainly not least...the occassional phone call from the family to check on the status of disability claim (note not the status of my health). So tacky. Their little way of saying...don't infringe on our lifestyle...we would rather not be stuck with you.
In conclusion, I'm not saying any of this because I'm depressed, feel sorry for myself, etc. This is just pure reality. If on my third try should I not win the disability case, then that European vacation will finally become a reality. Because I simply will not be able to continue living without an income. "Capitalist Magazine" says that I'm a drain on society, and a charity case. Funny I've always thought of myself as intelligent, kind, compassionate...I mean just all kinds of good stuff. I do not lack confidence. But if my country is going to force me off the glue factory...I just hope I can get BBC to present the story.
Really hoping that next week may be a little better. And really really hoping that I can continue to provide an insight on why I think it is so imperative to change the US healthcare system. Because beating down sick people is truly cruel, and I'm waiting for the gas chambers to be built so the "charity cases" can be disposed in that we obviously are such a fucking drain on society.
(you know i'm ranting...don't you?)
