There is nothing like your child telling you that you've let her down to drive the spike of cold hard reality deep into your chest and make you question everthing. I sent an e-mail to my sister and daughter to announce my impending retirement. My sister called me almost immeditely after I hit send. That was a nice conversation compared to the call I got this afternoon while on my way to view the potential rentals we'd chatted about.
By the end of the conversation, I was low and dejected and remain depressed. I realized how foolish I've been thinking that there was a glimmer of hope for my own happiness and how much time I have wasted as well as resources chasing unattainable dreams.
I feel like cutting all ties with trying to wrangle any Happiness from the remainder of my life.