This evening, my S.O. down loaded my camra with over 3000 pictures, my old phone with 2000 pictures, and my new phone with 400 + pictures.
The new phone had all my skin pictures (nudes) on it.
If he notice them or not. He did not acted upset or surprized. Been nervious this evening but happy.
Love him very much. I just do not know if he notice them or not. If he did he would down load them to our hard drive. And look at them from time to time.
I have been with him for 6 years in about two days I think. He woke my numb soul. Befor him I had no one in my life except my daughters, for 8 1/2 years. I lost my husband to agent orange in 2002. Their's never been a day that I do not think about him. The hardest thing I did was to learn it's ok to love again.
I also learn, when we are sad and are grieving, we are being selfish. We should be happy for them because they are in heaven.

So do any of you think my S.O knowns I posted pictures on here or not?
And if so will he be horny and excited or angry and pissed off.
I joined on here in 2014.
He been on here since 2004.

I am so very horny right now.
Want my man to just play with me.
Touch me.
Poke all my holes.
Just make hot love to me.
Love giving him blow jobs.
I drive him nuts.
He can make me squim.
With his finger, tongue , and words.
Love how he touches me.
How I need him too.
He woke my sleeping soul when my husband died.
Now I am his monster in bed.
His lover and his toy for him to enjoy.
Monster he woke.

He is working in the basement and I am in my tub.
Thinking about him makes me horny. Then I see a lot of hot sexy men. And oooooooo I get so wet.
About two day ago, I gave my S.O. a blow job. I licked and sucked up and down his shaft. He really enjoyed that. I took him deep into my throat many times. I took him in and out of my mouth, sucking and licking as I went. He moaned each time as I did that. He taste so yummy, as I drained his balls, into my mouth he shot his load.
Was so nice and rewarding.
I want to blow him again tonight. But not sure if he is up for it.
Wish me luck. Maybe soon I can have a video of us.

Sometimes I think I am doomed. He might be sitting back and see what stuff I am doing here.

Boy am I squirming.

Squirming badly in my shoes.

But in an exciting way. .....

So far I think he does not know.
If he does he has not spoken a single word about it. Then if he knew, he might get me, and good down the road. Making it more rememerable for us both. He is awesome at making me squim. And he loves that control over me. But it's not a bad control but a good one, yet exciting at the same time. Now my questuon for him..... Is he upset with me for following in his footstep or will it be a major turn on. I am not sure at this point. I do know he loves me and I him. So far in my short time here, I think I now have more pictures on here. Oops or he has deleted a few over the years.

Been so easy to give up. Too just threw in the towel. I was so sad and did not care. I wished it was me that died that day and not him in my arms. Hafe my heart left me when he took his last breath of air on this earth. I did not want to live without him.

BUT... It was not only me that lost him. My daughters lost there daddy at a young age. I had them and their brother to think about.
I had a job to raise two young girls for there father and me. A very tough job when your heart and soul becomes numb with grief.
If it was not for my daughters, I would have burned my home with me in it. I built my home with him. And when I say I built my home, I hammered the nails into each stud walls, lifted each wall into place, holding it til he anchored it down. Befor the walks I hand mixed the cement for the footers, the concert blocks, erc. I hauled 2000- ten inch wide blocks to the work sight while he was at work. Set up homemade scaffling for him to stand on that was eisier for his back so he can lay blocks on his only day off. Took us one summer to pour the footer. Another summer to do the block walls for tge basement walls and another summer to build hafe the house. Then the next summer to frame in the remaining hafe. Hand dug the ditch while he was at work with my shovel and pick. Lots of unwanted rocks in the way. And yes I have a hammer that the handle fits my hand. I use that hammer to build this house. So if someone got me a new hammer , well its not going to make me happy no matter the cost. My hammer and me did a lot of work together.

We moved in just befor Christmas around 1998 from our trailer about ten feet away.
My birthdays, honeymoon, anniversary, and Christmas gift were stuff for our home. So I got joint compound to use, drywall, carpet, plumbing stuff, and etc. Well you got the picture. So when he died... i did not what my home. Still have things to finnish. I did framed my windows all but two because he did them. I had to fill in and put up trim. So I had to rip broads to the proper width.
But Like I said my girls kept me here. If mom cracked, the state would have taken them. Not a great life. They would have lost so mush more if I quit. One of the hardest jobs I had was to go on and be there for them.
I did not have time to cry. I had appointments after appointments for a special needs daughter we adopted and issues with getting the other threw loss. No time to cry. I did threw up several times a day some days with blood. No insurance so no doctor visit. I threw up then rinse my mouth and durning a course of a week drank on big bottle of Pepto-Bismo. Only way to keep down the little bit I ate. So on comes the weight too. And my pour daughters. Mom went for an awesome cook to burning everything so we ate out a lot for a few years.
So angry at the 5th year anniversary of his death that I had my belly pierced. As funny as it sounds the pain felt healing to me. Now its been pierced for ten years this fall. Took another year to cry. And boy did I have a fit like a small child did. I cried for hours. I was so sad and angry. First time I cried since he died. Plus my oldest daughter was able to watch my youngest daughter. Took me 6 1/2 years to cry.
Took another two to date, with my daughter strongly grabbing my arm and walking me to our van to drive in to meet him. I met him on a online dating sight. We answered the question asked to help pare us up with others similar to you on likes etc. We were over 93% compadible and he lived near by. Funny part my daughter fixed my hair, picked out my clothes, etc. I was going to cancel. She would not let me. Best thing I did. Even thou I was very scared.
I dropped my daughters at the local mall while I met him for dinner near by. We hit it off.
After dinner we picked up my girls and went for a nice drive. Then home we went.
The end of this month will be six years with this awesome man. He woke my numb soul. We both write many erotic poems and stories online.
My cooking skills came back. And now I remember things we do. My children love him as awell as my pets.
I still at times cry for my loss of my soulmate, best friend and husband. And at times he feels like he is living with me and my husband. Then I remind him that I love him. I am so lucky to find another who loves me as much as I love them.
I did not have sex of with anyone when my husbsnd died until this man woke my sleepy numb soul. I love him.

The song "Girls Just want to have fun" is playing. Love that song and the singer.

I should be slerpong as 7 A.M come soon enough. Have two appointments for my special needs daughter. I at at point that I wonder what good are they doing. We been going now for 16 years. I have sat threw all of them. Never missing except when she was in public school. I started home schooling her in third grade. In second grade I lived in the school office for issues that came up with her in school. She cried every night. She was being bullied by others for her special needs. Best thing I have done was to keep her home. A lot less issues. She will be my adult child.
A blessing she is too me and her sister.
How do I get more confidence in myself.
I had a lot of hardships threw the years. Made it threw them all, with a lot of tears. Then somehow I had to pull up my big girl panties and move slowly forward. Many times I do not know how I did it. Or how I got to where I am today.
My S.O. is having a rough go right now. He is an awesone man. I just hope I am helping him threw things. Some days I feel like I am. And others I am not sure. But we do love each other. My children love him and so do my animal family. We work well together. Doing chores and firewood. I love to split with my wood splitter. The fire feels so nice on a cold winters night.
I can not wait til warmer nights. I want to enjoy him at our firepit after my daughter is asleep in her bed. I want to make hot passionate sex with him out doors and under the stars. I want to give him a blow job by the fire as he looks at the stars and we can feel the nights breeze hit our skin. I want to taste him, treasure him, fondle his balls as I blow him until he cums on , or in me. And at that point I will not care who sees us. Or decides to watch as we enjoy each other. Besides if they see us then they would be trust passing on my land. My home is in the middle of the woods on just over ten acreas. My nearest neighbour is over 1/2 a mile away. Except for two camps. One they never come up. The others at times. I can not wait for summers fun.

Last night we paid my bills.
He balances my check book . As he is he asked me about a certain amount of money to an international account was about. Oops hee. THEN BEFORE I can answer he says you know about that money taken out of your account. And I calmly said "yes I do." Ok just wondering if it was wrongfully taken. " No " I Said. To myself I say, " It was my first time bill for NN ever." I sweating in my bathrobe, wondering if he figured it out yet. I do not think he did bcause my amount was not the same as his.
So not know, if he be excited or pissed off.

Even funnier, we were freely chatting this morning about the last time, I was pissed off at him. He says never, when I said about 5 or six times in six years. And I said "yes, I
have." Then he says ok, " when was the last time I pissed you off."
And I said, " not long ago." Then he says,
" what did I do, because I do not remember it." All I said was " NN"
He looked at me and says, "oh ya! You were very pissed off."
The stuff he posted was from several months before I saw them. Other than that he has not been onin a long time. He says, "the reason he got on was because he got horny and I was not home." Made me feel like I was not being their for him. I am strong believer that you grow with each other in love and with sex, making it more exciting as you learn each others wants. Being able to tell the truth is also big one with me. No mater if you feel I would like it or not. Just no lies. I do not like lieing. Sometimes I feel, like, I am letting him down, but at the same time I am wondering HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE HIM TO SEE THAT, I AM ON HERE. I feel like, I am let him down as a mate. When he posted more pictures and blog, I Was at an appointment for my special needs daughter.
Makes me never want to leave home again. I have never said no to him on sex. NEVER.....Always been their. Whenever he wished always growing with pleasure. Giving him his wants and pleasures. Never said no except once when I needed a shower badly but was too tired too. He wanted to eat. We still had sex, and was still amazingly exciting.

Such a bad girl am I.
I been one here much less years then he has. I have done more then, I thought I would. I always thought of him. Love him
I really enjoy looking. And got really horny sharing with you.
So I wonder, as he sits beside me playing Minecraft how pissed off he will be... Or is he going to get turned on.
I do love being outside nude.And doze make one horny. Feels so good. I have never been to a public nude place, beach, or strip club. He has. Never danced much, yet never tried to be a stripper in private or in public. But the fanties have been their. I do write erotic stories and poems on EWC. Believe it or not I was very shy in school. ALL anyone had to do was say, " Hi" and I was beat red. Now, I am making up for lt losted time. Never a dual moment. My mind wonders on many things. So I start write my dreams, thoughts and fanities. Making others horny with my words or pictures.
eroticawritersclub.com is were I write them. It's free but like here you must register and be 18. My writing and many others turn me highly on. Many nights, wet dripping pussie, I have.
I enjoy that.
Some of the ideas I got from my fanties, things I have done, or research I have found.
Yes Big turn on to write my stories. Or reading others.
Would love your comments weather they nice or naughty.
Aww he just dozed off again playing minecraft. As silly as it sounds I love that game too and HIM.

How I miss the five...
With in a few months, I have lost three older friends and two dogs. I miss them all so much. My life is very stressful.
But it's still good.
My dogs where born here and died here. Alnost in the same spot in my home... which I did not realise until now. Both puppies knew they were loved. All they wanted was to be held. So held they got. The other sad issue is my other dogs are older dogs. Ages
15-14-11-8 for the in side pets. And my two outside girls are 11-8. All are very loved and spoiled, just like my S.O. AND some say children too.
I am a strick but loving mom. But blessed at the same time.
Still concerned, how he will feel if he found out I am on here. Has not list me as his.
But does say on his profile he is not looking. But will have a photo shoot, web cam etc.
So I listed that too. Never tried them yet.
But better end this now.
I am wondering if he is enjoying me squirming or just too busy to get on.
On the sad side on this. I wished I felt better about myself inside and out.
And how thus year will be. My special needs daughter keeps me home. I can not work with her.

Not sure if he knows. After today I think he does. However he has not said a word.
Wondering if he is disappointed in me. Not sure what to feel. Or should I worry. Or is he worried what his friends on here will say. I am so unsure. I wished he say something or put down in the box where another member is your other hafe.
Do not know if I should be happy and proud or if I should cry snd be sshamed.
He told me today it is my butt. I told him it's his. And again he said it is my butt.
Makes me worry.