lynskey's Blog - page 1

Pics uploaded but the votes are low
Wondering which way then, now to go
Shall I take yet another?
Any one will do
You're in the mood for "likes."

Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the stakes are high
Gotta get onto the front page
Anywhere will do
Hoping for no "dislikes"

You are the drama queen,acting like you are seventeen
Drama queen,moaning all of the time, it seems
You can pout, full of strife
Cursing mods all of your life
See them block,watch them preen
Dig in the drama queen..

Your illusion is to turn them on
A derogatory comment and then you're gone
Looking for notifications,any praise will do,playing this crazy game
Either a woman or a guy,just someone to catch your eye
Uploading all of the photos,pressure's really on, "insanely hot " your aim

...but when you get the chance

You are the drama queen
Desperate for more views than kirkj it seems
Drama queen, a measly one vote? They sure are mean...ohhhh yeahhh
You can't perv, you can't wank,insecure all your life
Threaten to quit, envious, green
You are the drama queen.

..with a crocodile under his arm.The barman tells him he can't bring it in cos it's dangerous but the guy says it's perfectly tame and he will prove it.The barman reluctantly asks the guy what he means, so the guy puts the crocodile on the bar, opens it's jaws,unzips his pants and puts his cock in it's mouth. The crocodile doesn't flinch.The barman is mightily impressed with this show of faith but the guy says "go on,hit it over the head." The barman looks at him,kinda confused, so the guy brings both fists down hard on the crocodile's head and the croc brings it's jaws down to within an eight of an inch of his cock to rapturous applause from the rest of the pub.

"Anyone else fancy a go?" enquires the guy while patting the crocodile proudly.

"Yes please " cries a little old lady from the back of the bar ....."as long as you don't hit me that hard on the back of the head "

Beer necessities,the simple beer necessities
Forget about your liver and your wife
You love the beer necessities, the simple beer necessities
You've always been a drinker all your life
Wherever you wander,wherever you roam
Ten pints of lager on your way home
You'll be vomitting in the street and abusing folks you meet
Looking for a quick romance but with brewers droop in your underpants
The necessities of life will come back to haunt you....hangovers too.

OK so what's with the style of the young guys nowadays? Do they try their best to look unattractive and fucking geeky or what? If they ain't wearing a tea cosy on their head, pulled down over their ears so to look like a smurf, then they they've got a short back and sides haircut and a head like a bloody wing nut or a twat hat, back to front, with the peak pointing backwards. Then there is the hoody look so they can pretend to be a tough guy or summat but only succeed in looking like dickhead or little red riding hood cos the arse in their jeans is round their knees showin off their boxies. Shoulder bag is apparently the requisite accessory and on a hot day, a baggy black tea shirt, ill fitting knee length shorts, falling off their arses with white legs to finish off the look and 'orrible black trainers and grubby socks, sheesh. God knows what they look like nekkid with this trend of the big unkempt beard and "manscaped" pubic area, but I suppose if they stood there with their tongue out, you'd think they were doing a fuckin hand stand.

One of the things I enjoy the most about Newbie Nudes and status in particular, is the interaction and banter with people from all over the globe, as well as learning phrases and sayings that are new and alien to me. Certain words have different meanings, obviously, depending on where you live and I was already aware that "fanny" means a totally different part of a woman's anatomy in the States to what it does in the U.K." Ass" is not a donkey in America either, but it is phrases like "morning wood" (we call it morning glory) "the stroking of a cock" ( not the pampering your parrot), "woot woot" and "woo woo" (neither of which are train noise impersonations) that never cease to amuse me.

I surprised both myself and my guy the other day though,when I actually used one of phrases above in referring to his early morning erection (in its pre blowjob state) as morning wood and he assumed I had gone a bit batty and was about to go off scouring the forest for tinder for the camp fire as opposed to doing the deed. Needless to say, being a lady and not inclined to speaking with my mouth full, he was too pre-occupied to ask where I got the phrase from before leaving me equally perplexed in shouting "woot woot" on ejaculation.

Ya'll have a nice day, dya hear?

My guy had me laughing the other day because he told me a tale about something that happened to a colleague of his years ago and it just amused me. Ok this guy apparently was working away from home and staying over night in this hotel.Usual story, the hotel was pretty empty and he spent the night sitting at the bar talking to the barman. At the end of the night, the guy goes back to his room and eventually falls asleep. He wakes up some time later and there is the barman sucking his cock - obviously he had misconstrued the conversation at the bar as some kind of "come on " and he had let himself into the room to perform the deed. The guy jumped out of bed in fright, caused a right hullabalooo, reported the matter the following day and wanted the police involved. The hotel manager spoke to the barman who assured him the guest had implied that he wanted the "association." The manager offered to rip up the bill and told the guy it was a case of his word or the barmans and advised the matter should best be forgotten, to which the guy reluctantly conceded.

Disgruntled though, he went back to work and stupidly told all the guys there who ridiculed him mercilessly (as guys would do) till he eventually left. The standard joke at the time though was to formulate what SHOULD have been the best course of action and the alternatives decided on were :

a) pretend to be asleep and let him carry on
b) tell him he had sharp teef
c) ask him does he spit or swallow and get a tissue ready in case of the former
d) give him marks out of ten for "artistic impression"
e) tell him he is good and you are leaving home for him
f) ask him for a refund on the bar bill cos he is crap at sucking
g) tell him to hurry up cos you need to pee
or
h) do the same, jump out of bed and cause a fuss.

So come on, what would you have done?

....by guys requesting advice on what constitutes a sexy photo and what women like to see, NN has requested and here is the first draft of the revised process and guidelines which will be inserted in the official NN rule book once approval has been granted

1. Always give your sexiest "come to bed" look but no smiling or teef
2. Wear a twat hat, preferably reversed with the peak at the back.
3.A baggy vest or T shirt is essential apparel for the intoxication and arousal of all females. To add to the attraction, a stain down the front ( preferably a white garment with a brown coffee stain) is an essential ingredient.
4.Your fully erect penis should be jutting out with the aforementioned garment i.e T shirt or vest, resting sexily on your manhood *note here the positioning of the camera immediately in front of your appendage will lend credence to the exaggeration factor and substantiates the claim of the standard penis length of seven inches on NN.
5.Bare hairy legs of course, but odd coloured socks under a pair of sandals ,perhaps with the odd toenail jutting out will maximise the effect and guarantee moistness in any viewing bored n horney female.

So there you go, five easy tips to generate instant arousal and promote rigorous self abuse in any woman.

Go on then, what are ya waiting for? Get snapping.

On the internet highway,amidst shaved pubic hairs
Warm smell of semen,rising up from the chairs
Logging on from a distance,I saw a sexy website
I was tired but excited,I had to join up that night.

There she was on the front page,a body I now know so well
I was thinking to myself,this is heaven and certainly not hell
Then she inserted the candle,and stuck it up all the way
There were voices on status, they greeted me that day.

Welcome to the Hotel Newbienudia
Such a lovely place, shall I show my face?
So much morning wood at the Hotel Newbienudia
Naked bodies here,viewed from front and rear.

Their minds are typically twisted,with their big swollen ends
They want a lot of pretty girls, to be their friends
Watch them wank on the camera,so excited they get
Some wank to an audience,others to nobody yet.

So they begged us in status,please watch us this time
We said:
We ain't seen stroking like this since Carty in his prime
And his cock is still wanking so faaaaar away
Nightmares in the middle of the night
As you hear him say.

Welcome to the Hotel Newbienudia
Such a sexy place,but don't you show your face
Bored and horney at the Hotel Newbienudia
Here to fantasise,oh those gawjus thighs.

Pussies they are feeling,nipples rock hard with ice
We are all just visitors here,cos it's so fucking nice
And in the status chambers,they are gathered for the tease
Playing with their eight inch cocks and in chat to get release.

One thing to remember,you're not the same as before
Gotta find your way back here,its addictive you want more.
Relax say the ladies,you are programmed to receive
You can log off any time, but will you ever leave?

Man: hello
Woman: hello
Woman: mmmm seven?
Man: er, yes, I think so.
Man: can you take this?(waving it in the air)
Woman:er, of course
Man hall I put it in then?
Woman: wait a minute,ok do it now
Man :hang on I will have to put my glasses on first to see what I am doing
Woman : ok (tuts impatiently at his fumbling hands)
Woman: there is something wrong, you sure you are pressing all the right buttons for me
Man : (embarrassed because people are watching him) yep, I never have problems with it normally but shall I take it out and try again?
Woman :nah, have you not got, say, a bankers card to pay for your petrol instead?

Newbie Nudes, the place to be, especially on status
Enticing and complex, yet still so many berate us
A minefield at certain times,at others an oasis
While mods try and promote respect,purely as it's basis

The characters and the loonies,so diferent and diverse
Obstructive and challenging,complex and perverse
Young and old,they all are here,the world and his wife
Cosmopolitan and different, from every walk of life.

The stunning looks of Chanelle and the beauty of the Fire
The elegant grace of Whispy and my mate Safire
Sexy posts aplenty,such a Comefuckmenow's
and 12gauge and Madame always raise eyebrows

Young,bright and breezy,like Meredith and Brat
or calm, wise and worldly like RC and Topcat
The pillow talk @ banter from Inline and from Lill
Will thy ever get a room?I think they surely will

My partner in crime is Me1vin,he certainly is a nutter
We hi-jack all the status posts with every word we utter
I adore that funny couple, hernhim and the dood
They keep us entertained and really get us in the mood

Friendly fire across the pond though,TC and the Tux
Insults,abuse and wisecracks,in keeping with the flux
Of course we get the funny quips from DT and CC
and the quirky humour of the simply unique Betty

Chatting away with Robbie or having a laugh with Thicky
Then there's always Showy,looking for a quickie
Hiviz always cracking jokes,sexy and so randy
and of course there's Bunny giving out the candy

Naz,Super and Huddo,keeping everything racy
and sexy bum Mark, with his beautiful wife called Lacy
and if you are feeling a little down and your mood is shitty
You can always have a laugh with Cover, Wods and Flitty

And where else could you find the guys, horny and so bored
Bragging of the amount of sperm, in their bollocks stored
or the guy who constantly wants us all to talk about his wife
or the guy who merely wants a shag to brighten up his life

Heated words amongst us lately, threat of being muted
Freedom of speech still alive? So it is reputed
Cos trying to ensure it remains just convivial,innocent banter
Really is, at times, like trying to prove there is a Santa.


Anon.