I got a fish xD I got back from class today and was going to Crisper's for supper and Heather came in and asked if she could go with, so we went together. On the way out she asked if there were any pet stores around and I'm like: "Yeah, PetCo, literally right there."
"Oh my god we gotta go!"
"No, I don't wanna go... *Longs for a pet but has no money and can't have anything cuddly anyway*"
"Oh comeon comeon! I want a fish!!"
"Would you REALLY buy a fish if we go there?"
"Maybe..."
*sigh*

So we go to PetCo and look at two of the cutest ferrets wrestle and contemplate buying them both and sneaking them in, then realize it's not worth the trouble and they're 100 dollars anyway. Bleh. Back into the fish section we look around and finally Heather's like, okay I'm goanna do it. We ask the lady working for suggestions and she tells us Betas are hte easiest to take care of, so Heather and I look at Betas and find two we both like.

So now Heather has Alfred the Great and I have Jax, my faggot fish. It's really funny listening to Heather talk to Alfred. Alfred's just chilling but Jax is pretty crazy, he hasn't stopped moving since he got here. Persoanlly I'm wondering if the sound of my typing right next to him is bugging him.

I'm a little broke now, I'm going to have to transfer a few funds until I get my two paychecks in the bank this friday, but it'll be nice ot have something alive to look at and talk to. =)

We read my poetry in class today and then critiqued it, and it was weird. CrotchRocket everyone loved (except the only boy in the class but he doesn't like any of my work, says he 'doesn't know how to comment on it, maybe it's just cause I'm a boy.' Whatever.). The teacher asked if maybe anything could be changed and pretty much all the girl's said no, it was perfect. The very first comment received when she asked for them was: "Oooh damn."

Pushing, another poem I did, got really good reviews too as did the newest one Belzec, August 19, though I need to add a few more specifics and explain a bit more stuff, which is fine, I mean, I only just wrote the darn thing. Pushing and CrotchRocket had about two weeks of mulling over =/

Anyway, it's just weird. I don't think I write THAT good of poetry, I've never been good, what happened? All of a sudden it's almost my last year of college and I have a lot of deep meaning? I don't get it. I'm not complaining! I think it's wonderful, I'm so thrilled, I just don't understand. Krik's probably channeling her creative juices to me while she's at work.

I'm planning to go home the weekend after this upcoming one. I'm also planning to miss thursday classes so I can actually spend time at home, not show up, sleep a night and leave. So I'm thinking next Wednesday I'll go to Social Psyche and then head on home, foregoing Thursday's lessons. All it is would be two writing classes and then two psyche classes and I'm *really* only worried about experimental psyche. I'll see how classes go today, what's up with them. I haven't miss any yet so I don't think it would be a big deal if I slipped out for a day. That leaves me another absence before they start reducing my grades.

This way, at least, i could arrive home wednesday afternoon, have all thursday, all friday, all saturday and then sunday morning. I really want to actually spend time with the folks I am so ridiculously home sick. I know mom really wants to visit, but she just can't get the time off from work. I'm just looking forward to the drive there and then getting some really good food again. =3 mmm, food...that way I can have a good reason to avoid the dining hall. Heather loves going to the dining hall, weirdo.

It's almost Friday. I just gotta keep thinking that. Tomorrow I have one class, then work, then I'll have another busy thursday, then I can leave on Friday after my one stupid class. It's just taking a while to get here >.<

(Just another poem I did for poetry. We had to take a newspaper article but I instead took the account of SS Lt. Kurt Gerstein when he went to deliver a shipment of Zyklon B. He was so horrified by what he saw he buried the canisters and reported to a Swedish diplomat.)

One hour too long
longer
than the horror stories
promised.
They could have died
already,
been done with
it
suffocating, back on back
chest on arm
thigh on thigh.

Great efforts to get the engine
running.
But it doesn't go.
I am present at a
disaster.
Yes, I see it all
and I wait.

One hour thirty too long
weeping
like in the synagogue he
says.
Can’t they just die?
As the willows tremble with
locked knees
burning thighs
slump together
flesh sticky from god…

After 2 hours 49 minutes
the stopwatch recorded it all
the diesel started.
an electric lamp inside
lit up the chamber for a few moments.
They could be seen
through the small window.

Finally.

Captain Wirth
was in his element
showing a large can full
of teeth.
“See for yourself, the
weight
of that gold.
It’s only from yesterday
and the day before.
You can’t imagine what we find every day
dollars, diamonds, gold.
You’ll see for yourself!”

Here, at this door, I, Cain,
your eldest crime
the son of man
want to say I

These darn pictures have been a real bitch trying to upload. This is my last attempt =3

Has been pretty good so far, to be honest. I had to wait a long while to get the pizza because their oven was broken, but I got here and we watched The Reduced Shakespeare Company and ate pizza, interrupted halfway through because an annoying little girl down the hall wanted us to help her find something to wear for a party she's not even sure she wants to go to. I can't stand that little ditz.

So we made smores and strawberry shortcakes then and watched Mean Girls, which I don't particularly care for the movie but whatever, we still had fun. Heather took a few pictures and promised me she'd send some to me, so I'll post them once I get them, if I like them enough to post =P

Right now we're just watching Law and Order and I'm hanging out in my comfy-umfy bed. I'm so glad I get to sleep in tomorrow.

For so many things again it seems. I'm waiting for work to be over today so we can have our Girl's Night in the room (can you believe it? I'm having a girl's night with my roommates, where we sit and talk and enjoy each others' company, not ignore each other) and I'm waiting for next week to be over so I can go see Ash and spent my Valentine's with her.

I'm waiting for school to be over so I can start as a decorator's apprentice back home. I'm waiting for school to start again so I can hopefully get my own apartment. I'm waiting for school entirely to be finished so I can start my life in the 'real' world, but here's what I'm afraid of:
When I left high school I was so scared, because I was going out into the Real World, then I got here to Flagler and lived a semester and I made my own decisions and I stayed with my best friend for a week of my own choice... but it still didn't feel like the Real World. What happens if, when I finish school and go out into what I NOW think is the Real World, it's still not real enough for me?

=/

I met an author last night, he came to our school to just talk about himself and promote his new book. When I say author I don't mean 'he's written a book or two,' I mean 'he's written fifteen plus and lives off his writing, he doesn't NEED to work another job.' That's the author *I* want to be. I wasn't looking forward to going though. I've seen authors before, pretentious twats, but this guy was amazing. He was friendly, he was open, he was uplifting, he was human. He didn't think the world shined out of his ass and onto the pages of his book. He was a normal guy. I was so happy, so relieved that such a thing existed that after the show I went up and shook his hand and thanked him profusely for just being so human. He laughed and said that 'yes, authors like him do exist,' and he asked me if I wrote and I said I'm trying. He wished me good luck and smiled and I smiled and then left.

I felt like crying, dunno why. I'm still not sure if it was a bad cry or a good cry, but I kinda wish I had acted on it, gone into the bathroom and had a good sob. =)

Burning, vibrating metal
red between her thighs.
Legs sore, aching.
She’s been riding too long
but keeps squeezing, gripping, twisting
the throttle.




Just one of the poems we had to do for poetry class. We had to take something and find a metaphor for it. So I took my interpretation of sex and used my motorcycle.

I do have a positive story amongst this whole shitty-being sick week (and I think I figured out WHY I'm sick. It's not because of the weather or anything, it's because Saturday I TOLD this chick I didn't wanna hang out with I WAS sick so she'd leave me alone. There it is, god damnit lol).

Monday it was raining and icky out but I had to go to Spirit Club because I had the club and we can't miss more than two meetings and I already missed one this semester, and I wanna save the other for...oh..something serious. Just in case =/ Anyway, I go there and we now have this deaf chick in there, Sarah (that's not really her name, I don't remember her name, but we'll say her name is Sarah because she looks like a Sarah).

So we also have an Elysia and an Alesha in the class, and Sarah was getting confused as to which was which, because our club president has sloppy fingerspelling. So the president asked her if she would give Elysia and Alesha sign names. So Sarah does and I've wanted one ever since I learned about sign names, so I wave at Sarah and ask:
"I have one, please?"
"Ok. What you like do?"
"Write!"

So my sign name is the asl sign for 'write' with an 's' =3 I'll post a video of it now of one of the newer songs we're doing and everyone can see how very badass my name is.

Last night was a good night though, even though I was sick as a dog. The other girls are getting kinda fluish too, but they braved the cold weather to go shopping. So we got a new whiteboard that we put in the bathroom and it has our schedules on it, emergency contact numbers and we doodle our moods or pictures and write notes to each other.

Then Nicole gave us our Valentine's Day gifts early and she had gotten me Bath and Body Work's stuff (eeeee!) and she had gotten Heather (who fricken *loves* Llamas) two children's books about Llamas, "Is your Mama a Llama" and "Llama Llama Mad at Mama." So Heather took it upon herself to read them to us like a kindergarten teacher and then quizzed us afterward. It was funny as hell because she kept messing up the rhymes and we'd get onto her. And then I just started bull shitting anyway and threw out all the wrong answers. In the end Nicole had 50 points and I had negative 30 and rather than accept that I'm sitting there yelling at Heather "I hate you I hate you!" and she's trying to yell my score at me and Nicole's dying of laughter. Was fun.

Course, I kinda pissed Heather off later that night xD It was 11:30 and Nicole had just gone out for her nightly chat with her fiance and I decided I was going to take a shower and get to sleep. So I walk into the bathroom, go to Heather's door and said:
"I'm taking a shower."
"Wait! I was going to take a shower!"
"Well you haven't taken it yet so I'm taking one."
Cause usually when Heather says she's about to take a shower the water does start for another thirty minutes. So I took mine and as I'm drying my hair she asks if it's okay to come in and I say yeah and she's kinda pouting. She tells me
"I was seriously about to take a shower. I had *just* gotten up to take one.*"

Whiiiich made me feel kinda bad ^^; because she was sick too, and tired. I don't regret taking the shower, I just regret stealing it from her I guess? Anyway, I apologized and I think it's pretty well blown over this morning. Every now and then she and I butt heads, whether it's because she likes to tease me of my singalness or the fact I don't attract me, or if it's me teasing her about everything else too much. We still get along though, and I much more prefer this to Kaitlin.

I did NOT get to work on my Age of the Sun story, but I have worked on a short story due for my class. After it's been run through and critiqued I'll post it =3 I rather liked it.

My dad called me yesterday and I was thinking he was calling about what I need to do with my w2, then he's like, "well...okay.. the bank lost your money."

Excuse me? How does a bank LOSE money? I got a V.A. check in for about 900 dollars and dad put it in the bank, took out 300 for my car payment, and then yesterday when he checked the accounts to make sure everything is cool, the money isn't there. He goes to the bank and they try to play off 'well..don't have a receipt not our problem, can't trust you,' until my dad, wonderful and intelligent man that he is, pulls out his receipts and demands they better start looking for it.

So they are. But that PISSES me off. All that stress I had before is back, the kind about me not having money. It means I have to tiptoe with what cash I do have now and that is the LAST thing I want to do since I now have a cold and need medicine and oodles of yummy warm soup. This is just irritating. All of it.

I hate being sick and god forbid I'm sick when I go to Ash's on Valentine's because I will be so furious. I get sick at the most inopportune moments, like oh...graduation! I was sick just a week ago and now I'm sick again! This is just stupid! *Grumble, rant, rave, kicks a puppy!*

WHO gave my body permission to get sick again? Because whoever you are I'm fucking kicking your ASS. At least I don't have to worry about work for now. *Grumble*