this is MY effort at playing another game with Tight_Wet_Lips and an expanding group of playmates in these blogging games...

Since I didn't get to find my collection of Nutcrackers for displaying this Christmas.. I couldn't resist the huge one I'd found on clearance, as well as these nucrackers... mmmm, I'm going to enjoy eating every bit of them...










Please be sure to take a peek at all the players individual blog.. be sure to leave comments and let them know what you think!!!

Northern Star, Cotton_balls, PoeticLicense, Whispermyname, northofnaughty, petiteprincess, BBWBrook, Safire13, needsithard, ccmcro, dirtycopper, rem870, GoingGreek, roxanne, dcshoe8, private parts, iam2qute4you_92, VTCali, happyhumper69, arabella_topaz, 12gaugefan, luvmybabygirl, dreamingof_u, masterstoy91, uschi7337, redvs4u and me Tight_wet_lips

just hold me for a while? wrap your arms around me long and reassuringly as I tremble a moment, trying to reclaim my calm... or simply hold me in your thoughts, just for a blink.. sending that hug -- warm and flowing across the world, and around again, spinning deep through my core.. I feel so cold, so alone, so empty and used, like the tin can someone just threw carelessly at the trash, only to have it miss and lay in the corner, instead of where it should be, with all the other cast offs. I don't understand why I feel so misplaced and so peculiar.. everything has changed.. I retain no value.. We're all temporary in the world now. My purpose is ineffectual, unwanted. My life wishes and beliefs, disrespected.. the values I once held dear, believing that my sexual favors were my gift to someone I wanted and believed in. That is all gone now.. My life still moves forward... forcing me onward, regardless as to what little desire or energy I still have within me.
There is no such thing as respect, decency, trust, hope or love.. life is merely filled with chaotic noises and motions. Nothing has value in this world surrounding me... so, I think for now I'll step back from the real world and just function well enough at my job to make a paycheck.. and just do what I can to keep this body cared for, my daughter registering that I'm still alive.. and I'll hide, here... in my dark corner, where I feel safe.

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This is from some of my past writings... Part of pain filled chapter of my life. I'm feeling some of that now.. just not so terribly, miserable and close to wanting the end. There IS hope. My daughter's love and that of a few scattered souls who care, is sufficient, and... I believe I will survive this life somehow.. I hadn't back then. I still don't see that I will ever be wanted by someone who will treat me with respect, love and tenderness.. so, friendship is all I can hope for. Friends with benefits seems such a bleak and lonely way to exist... but it is all I am offered. I'm just not sure I want to even bother picking it up to examine it when it's placed before me... not any more. It hasn't been satisfying or long enough lived for me to feel contented.. and so, I ask why? what do those words mean to you? what do you honestly hope from me when you offer no hope or respect for our invisible nothing of a relationship? why me?

All I want now, is someone to hold me through a few of my bad moments. I don't ask much. I expect nothing. But you will know my gratitude if you linger with me for even a few seconds.

I wish you well. I wish you peace and happiness. It is found within. Mine is hiding in a pile of discarded tin cans.. I'll dig it out soon, and polish it up, until it gleams like the sun rising over the mountains. How do I know? well.. mostly I know who I am. I know that I have a mind filled with peculiar fragments of random knowledge. And.. I've gotten to know some very fine men here, and elsewhere, who acknowledge me on line, who seem genuinely to care.. and to be the examples to me of someone I MIGHT be lucky enough to meet in person, and hold close. For now, this place makes life tolerable and better... for me. Thank you for being here, and caring.

here is a small work of art I gave to a friend. He'd helped me through hard times with our friendship over the web. I gave this to him a couple years back. This has golf leaf, silver and opalescent paints as well as inks and watercolor pencils. It was a labor of loving friendship. This work of art is 4"x6"

Arthur's Dragon.

a greeting card and children's book character I'd designed as a teen. this is Fred the Dragon wishing you all a Merry Christmas.

I made these when I first experienced the elation of recognizing I'd be able to be freed from that thing I once called a marriage.
These are a pair. Though the one with the pink background is now in the hands of someone I treasure. Smiles... he actually prefers the one i'd sent along with it, a tiny painting of "my mountains" The Cascades, in Oregon. I used to take these out regularly as to me they're a couple of my friends... You see, Joy Dragons are special. They are filled with joy friendship, positive and are our teachers. If you know legends and folklore of eastern dragons, even though these are western, I see the light, love and goodness of eastern in MY dragons always. For they're reflections of my own beliefs, light, love and joy within me. Ce la.

I decided that even though I'm still quite unable to reach any of my Christmas decorations the fake tree.. or anything that I've loved using to celebrate this, my absolute favorite holiday... I HAD to at least cheer my little apartment up with lights here and there. Here are the only two corners of my home that have any semblance of the holiday festivities, within them.

This is my living room. The artwork and photography on the walls... is all mine. And if you look closely enough, you'll see the wee dragonling ornaments I've posted here, that I sculpted and am selling.

sorry, this one has been finished for a while. The only people who've seen this are friends and family on facebook, family and friends I've emailed, and... those few who've seen, and touched it in person. This one was so finely detailed it's delicate, and lovely. My middle sister is making installment payments for it. And, it should be on her family's tree this Christmas. This is all due to one of her young sons loving dragons about as passionately as did I at his age. He has her take pix of his drawings and text them to me while she and I converse. I love it. And, he and I are gaining a special kinship because of it.
Anyway, I'm hoping you like this wee one.

this is my least favorite of my dragonlings, to be honest. adorable in a weirdly cute way. It does look MUCH better in person.

the first was the wyvern one just before my Golden Dragonling...