divorced. I'm amazed, and pleased, that it happened the same day I'd written my prior blog about it. About the divorce seeming to be forever in the courts and taking a seemingly endless amount of time to be over and done. And, now, it is finished. Except for two important things. Official documents, and my return to legally using my maiden name. My birthright.
Today after the stunning news of it, texted by my ex, to me... I started texting and calling the most important people I could thing of sharing this news with. First talking to my daughter in the hall of our apartment. Next my closest and dearest friend who even unknowingly had helped me through the entire process... and whom I'm eager to spend time with this sring one weekend.. He and I've started talking every day, almost.. and this was a conversation I'd needed to share with him. Next, on to texting my sisters and a man I've become close with here. And, a man I'd had as FWB, in real life, who's a friend as well. Next, on to calling my father, on my step-mother-s birthday. What an interesting birthday gift that was for her. *smiles* Then onto the social sites... FB, and NN. The only ones that matter to me
I ended up with a call in response to an impulsive choice to add him to my list of text recipients... from someone I've been with months ago... The trucker who'd left for TX, then moved back... Asking if he could stop by. He's NEVER been to my home. Saying he'd like to see my artwork, finally in person. He's heard almost as much as you here, have, only he'd only seen a couple photos I'd taken with my crappy little phone.
Anyway, before anything else, I took my beautiful daughter with me to dinner. Went to our favorite restaurant.. A burger joint a few blocks from home. She'd been nervous and blue knowing I had a man wanting to help me celebrate the evening. I explained that wasn't going to happen. He might come over, we might want more, but the celebration would be me and my daughter. I wanted her to know why. And I'd like to share it with you, too.
My daughter took a psychology course in High School. And more as part of her nursing training. Anyway, while reading her coursework she'd recognized some very disturbing things about her own father's mental health, based upon her studies... Even since then, that loving and protective young woman had tried to rescue me, or have me find a rescuer, to protect and remove me/us from his clutches.
I could have allowed any one of several of his family members who'd offered room or home to us to rescue us. I could have run to one of them, or friends in Arizona, or a sister in Wisconsin. Or an internet lover elsewhere...
But I chose to stand my ground. I chose to stand firm. I realized that if I chose flight instead of fight, he'd have won. He'd have the "right" to mock and berate me.. And I didn't want that. I wanted to prove a point. I chose to be the example I felt I should have been to my daughter... of a strong-willed and determined woman who fights for her rights.
Anyway, I did stay. I worked carefully and slowly over the span of years. I researched mental illnesses; Abuse, fear, violence and perpetrators. Case histories, and books written to inspire women like me to stand our ground, claim our lives and rescue ourselves.
I can say that with the loving support and insistence, with the friendship and pressure of this woman I call daughter.. I freed myself from such a mired existence, that I'm lightened greatly merely kicking off the mud.
I told her the dinner was in honor of the most influential person in my life. Someone who has loved me through everything... I told her it was for her. For, without her loving persistence, and her support, I wouldn't be here... Now... and very proudly saying... I'm free. I'm free... I'm free!
The man did come spend time with me... We talked, and talked. We kissed and held hands,and cuddled... and I showed him my paintings and my little dragons. And, I got to see myself in my artwork, as he expressed his appreciation for my skills and talents... And over and over, my patience.
The most important thing about this evening.. was sharing a HUGE strawberry milkshake with my daughter.. And seeing her eyes glow while watching my elation at being freed at last, from an abusive, thoughtless and conceited man.
I'm happy. I'm a mother... I'm a woman. I'm an example to one soul.. of my strength. She is the only one I needed to make sure to see me as that. I worked for that... And, she earned it.
cold wintery weather has touched my home with a chill that infuses me with a bite from it.
Hmm, if I had someone in the bed alongside me... I perhaps wouldn't need these, instead, my summery PJs, the ones you've seen already... these ones. 
He texted me from work yesterday, while I was in the ER... asking if there was anything that he could do for me. 
I guess we are still friends after all. Even though I'd promised I'd let him help me any way that he can... I'm scared to let him.
I still want him too much. His heat and hunger were equal to mine... and unlike too many men I've been with.. his ministrations were almost like reverence, so tender, so appreciative and humbled. Hmmmm, and... I'd never had an orgasm from simply having a man make love.. to my belly button, with his tongue.. mmmm until I met him... Bellybutton sex? No clue, but oh, how amazing those O's were! I don't expect anyone to ever do that with/to me again. It's just not the average.. anything 
