Mellie’s status this morning made me smile and not just because I’m so happy for them. For anyone living under a rock, Mellie and HF met here, completely unexpected and out of the blue. Now they’re all cutesy and loved up.

There is something unique about connecting with someone on NN. You’ve almost certainly seen them naked before saying hello and showing your face is much more daunting than flashing your bits. Then there’s all the online flirting stuff, by pm then email or text then video chat. So if you decide to take the plunge into the real world, you’ve already covered the miles. And that’s where the magic starts.

The anticipation. The nerves. The tension. That first moment. Looking. Touching. No words, just actions. I’ll never forget it.

I ?? you Stretch, you grumpyass mofo!

A grammar book walks into a bar ......

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

* An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

* Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

* A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

* Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

* A question mark walks into a bar?

* A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

* Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

* A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

* A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

* Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

* A synonym strolls into a tavern.

* At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

* A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

* Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

* A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

* An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

* The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

* A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

* The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

* A dyslexic walks into a bra.

* A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

* A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

* A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

* A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.


I don't get all of these, but I'm prepared to google 😁

Sometimes asked in status: Is it cheating to be on NN without your partner knowing? You get different answers from different people, depending on their situation and point of view. It’s easy to moralise when you have a clear conscience, it’s easy to justify your actions when you don’t. Not just NN though, it’s true in real life.

Is there a difference between telling a lie and not telling the truth? Is omitting something the same as not being truthful?

Are all lies equal, or are some worse than others? Is a white lie to save someone's feelings okay, or can you use this as an excuse for any lie?

Does this depend on your point of view too? If honesty is the best policy, isn't it all the same thing?

What do I think? If you’ve nothing to hide, you’ve nothing to fear. It’s a much more comfortable way to live.

When you think you can't possibly love Johnny any more .......

I'm happy you like pubic hair, but no I'm not cultivating it just for you. For the record, I have more than enough hair sprouting in all the wrong places as it is and my bank balance already whimpers when I book my monthly wax appointment.

If you send me a PM with a photo attached, I'm not opening it, nevermind reading it. I've been here long enough to know how to check out your photos if I'm that way inclined.

Thank you for asking me to show my face, I wish I'd thought of that sooner, but after very careful consideration, nope, not in a million years.

I'm premium, so I can use comment manager, and use it I will. I really appreciate most comments, but others not so much. So if something makes me cringe, wince or lose my breakfast, I'm deleting it.

I don't do requests, no matter how many times you copy and paste your requirements. Thongs are torture devices and you honestly don't want to see my feet.

Flattered though I am to be offered money to make a personalised masturbation video, I graciously decline.

Dick pics. No thanks, not in a PM, not as a profile picture and definitely not a gallery full. You're just going to have to trust me when I say we really don't love your penis as much as you do.

I should probably eat chocolate instead of venting. Both are therapeutic, but chocolate works better.

Something happened in status yesterday which got me thinking about why people come here. Obviously it's for the photos first, but most regulars will say they stay for the people. So why is it a surprise that different people like different things? I get that men are generally more visual than women, so I guess lots can be satisfied with a quick perv then off to the pub for a quickie before dinner, but if that were the case for everyone, why would status / blogs / etc exist? The interaction that goes on there tells you lots about the people behind the profiles, some like football (the kind that actually involves feet connecting with a ball), some like song lyrics, some like cooking, some like trivia, some like snarkarsery, some even like politics. The thing is, it's a place for everyone and if there's a status that's not to your liking, surely you can just ignore it and find one that tickles your fancy instead? I can only speak for myself, but it doesn't matter how hot your body is, how amazing your photographic skills are, if your values and opinions are the opposite of mine, I'm not going to find you attractive. I don't think I'm unique, but a photo alone without any context is just a photo. It's the mind behind it that's interesting. Or not.

Oh, and while I'm at it. Does it really matter what fucking size my tits are? Tits are tits. They're big. Deal with it, preferably without caps lock.

The ID verify thingy hasn't stopped male profiles from posting mostly pictures of women. Nope, not talking about the genuine couples accounts, I mean the "Annie this" and "Annie that" wankers.

Funnily enough, no I don't hook up. Not even after a single photo comment.

If I wanted to shave, I'd JFDI. No need for you to pop over.

I'll show what I want, thanks. Caps lock doesn't work any better.

Tune in for another instalment soon.

I have a wall clock with no numbers, just hands. I took it down recently and put it on the table. What time it was depended on which way I looked at it. Bit like life really.