Onionheart's Blog - page 5

The ling zhi mushroom is my best friend in the universe,
since forever.

Some of my best friends are trees.

Montreal or Halifax.

I left Montreal and travelled to Halifax in April 2001. I had a
delayed reaction to the suicide of my massage teacher who
died around this time of year, 7 months earlier. Suddenly
nothing made sense to me. I could no longer do massage
work without crying, or becoming angry & resentful.

I was a homeless man in Halifax. I stayed there for four
months. I did volunteer work in a community garden. I made
a little bit of $ watering and weeding gardens for people on
vacation. I spent a lot of time walking and talking things
over with the Atlantic Ocean. Then finally the ocean told me
that I should go back to Montreal and try to do the best level
of massage work that I was capable of. So I did.

I feel like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders now that
my aged cat has died. The past two years I have been
completely preoccupied with his care. It is not yet really real
that he is gone and no longer needs my help. I keep
expecting him to suddenly meow and ask to be fed.

The volunteer work that I have done at the street mission
has been good at the soul level. It is my spiritual heritage,
after all. My grandfather was a missionary. My father was
a preacher. Three uncles were/are preachers. This work
at the street mission is in my blood.

There is no contradiction between my work with needy
people at the mission and my NN life. "I am down on my
knees in the Church of the Divine Pussy." "For a serious
ass worshipper like me this is Church." I have learned
to balance the opposites.

But I really could do this work just as well in Halifax. The
Atlantic Ocean told me very clearly that if I did not feel
safe in Montreal that I would be welcome to come back.

We are headed into a fall and winter of bigtime poverty.
That should very obvious now. Many people will lose
their jobs and seek social assistance and food banks.
I hit bottom a long time ago, so I have no fear of poverty,
no shame at all.

I have not decided yet, but I will decide very soon.

Montreal or Halifax?

My old cat died quietly some time between 4 - 5 a.m. I fell
asleep on the floor right beside him, and woke up later in
my bed. When I got up to check on him one hour later he
was dead.

I don't know how to post photos in blog on this iPad, but
I will try to learn. He was such a handsome cat.

The psycho princess has been playing micro-concerts of
loud bass, gradually louder and louder. Fucked-up and
desperate for attention.

I don't know what to do after the death of my dear cat.
He is such a handsome xxxxx. I will bury him in the big
wooded park nearby. I buried Princess Betty, the persian
longhair cat 3 years ago on the mountain.

Halifax is looking better to me.

Well, something happened in the night. My 21-yr old cat
is ready to die. He is not crying out in pain, but he is
now partly paralyzed. Perhaps he had a stroke.

I am feeding him water with a dropper. He is able to
lick his lips, but not much more than that.

I think he will die today or tomorrow. All I can do is
hold him in my arms and sing to him, and remind
him of all the good times we have had. Sad day.

Humidex of 40 degrees celsius today. A little bit smoggy,
but not that bad. The heat is very hard on my 21-year old
cat. He has been a very good friend for the past 10.5 years.
He is getting close to the end. As long as he is still eating
and drinking I will take care of him. But he is super-feeble now.

I went out to run on Mt. Royal in the early afternoon, chewing
on small bits of cool Ontario ginseng. It is a very big mistake
to use hot red ginseng in the summer. People sometimes show
up in emergency ward with killer headaches or fake heart
attacks after using korean red ginseng in summer heat. But
North American ginseng is universally cool and mild.

I always have abundant sweet saliva to swallow during a hot
run. But I take advantage of every water fountain possible.
I drench my head and back of neck & shoulders, splash my
face.

I stopped half way through the run to do an exhaustion test
of pushups. After 68 pushups I tilted forward and fell facefirst
into the green grass. I did those between the two big old oaks.

I want to stay in Montreal. But if I have to I can make a new
life in Halifax.

So, like I said. When the news about the unprecedented heat
and drought out west comes too close, and it hurts my heart,
I come to NN to look for the Goddess. In all her manifestations
and intensities of desire that we all bring here.

New watering restrictions on the Sunshine Coast area of B.C.
There are dear ones in that area, going back to early 70s.

People can no longer water their gardens with tap water.
Grey water only for gardening. Thunderstruck! All it would take
is some careless toss of a hot cigarette butt, or a hot muffler
in tall grass, whatever cause, and suddenly big fire.

No more home gardening unless you take 3 or 4 baths a day.

So I come to NN to look for the Goddess. Renewal of the feminine
and renewal of the earth, its healing are closely together, somehow.

The deliberate creation of exhibitionist art to affirm the primacy
of female arousal as a healing, uplifting energy that comes through,
riding on these electrons, as we turn each other on.

When I worked in massage market here in Montreal I met a couple
women who worked in the handjob market. I would say that they embody
the Goddess very well. Big Time healing of depression, sadness,
emotional burn-out, etc. They do therapeutic work that the corporate
psychiatric world has no comprehension of.

The current of arousal in NN with women who discover righteous
masturbation and their sense of erotic surrender when they post
it for us to see. Hell, man! Doctors should be prescribing these
pictures and videos to their depressive patients.

I think this celebration of feminine arousal is like a spring,
or a fountain. I come here to get drunk with the Goddess.
And yes, get drunk with the funky monk, too.