... you have dreams of weirdos.

I had a dream I was the female version of Ted Kazinski (sp?) I was the highschool version, and some dood in school was hitting on me, saying really gross things to me that were actually said to me in PM here the other day lol. Then I just went postal on dood, double fisted punches and I topped it all with a good hefty kick in the balls. Then I lit my house on fire to kill some guy in it, and I made sure to not get gasoline on one of my many cats.

Serial killer stories are always interesting though, so I went to bed too late. YOu know that the unibomber was declared genius status in 5th grade, with an IQ of 167? He was put in quarentine for ten days as in infant (had horrible hives), his mom thinks that fucked him up. Apparently he was a different baby after that, didn't smile, didn't laugh or even make eye contact. Not that I feel bad for the guy, but the story is pretty intriguing.

I watched a show once about feral children, holy crap was that ever sad. One girl was raised in a steel livestock cage, no one in her neighborhood was even aware there was a girl living in the house. It's so interesting to see how much we thrive on emotional nurturing and how important our early stages of development are. I wish I'd have stayed in psychology for grade 12 back in high school, I think they dabbled a bit in abnormal cognitive development. But in the same breath, I think a lot of psychology is b.s.

Sitting in the setting sun, on my butt in the gravel of the racetrack... Wearing my work pants freshly stained with lino glue. I have Diesel's leadrope in hand still, and he's standing in front of me with his head hanging over the track gate. Looking at me with those knowing eyes only the most heartful of horses tend to have. The sun is glowing the tips of his black tail red, it's emanating half asleep eyes the most richest of chocolate. The flies on the corners not seeming to bother him in his catatonic state. Lip hanging so far you could park a volkswagon in it. The many whiskers of his pink muzzle flickering with the soft wind gusts. With his dog bite scarred nose he huffs a deep breath as I pet him between the eyes lightly. He stands there, just like this, not wanting to go with his buddies, not wanting me to go. Enjoying the moment it seems, just as much as I. We sit there like this for a good 15 minutes, while I fall into thoughts. As I sit, watching his tail float with the breeze, wondering what thoughts are behind those most kind eyes... I think about how much we can lose the things we love. How much I've lost, and what pain life will bring. I verbally tell him "You better not leave me for a long time... mom sure loves you my boy" Just as quick as he burst into my life, he can be gone in the speed of a flickering candle. I get to spend my time with him, I don't 'own' him just as I don't own any of my companion animals. I was blessed with their company, their hearts, and their comfort... Until one day it will come to an end. My heart will be filled with others, but they are never the same. It's those memories that can never be replaced, and voids that will always be there. You might not beleive animals are capable of love, let alone love of a human. I feel blessed in my life to understand this, not with my head but with my heart... I'm one of the lucky ones.

As I turn and walk away, further down the track, crunching gravel and rustling reeds I'm left with these thoughts... I make my way out of sight and down the driveway, just as I turn and see Diesel standing in that same spot. Mares on the other side of the field. His turned ear tells me he's thinking something, would it be rediculous of me to hope he's on the same train of thought as I? Who knows, but for a woman who can share a tear with her horse for no apparent reason... I'm happy to be rediculous and fulfilled.



Diesel as a gangly baby, chillin with his buddy in the sun

She was one of 22 CUTE little fluff ball chicks Mr. Puss brought home for me for easter in 2007 (pretty sure there's pics in the first page of my blog). Chickens live a pretty long time, healthy free range hens live to be about 12. There was always something wrong with her, which is why she was removed from the coop (the other girls were weeding her out). She, along with two others, got spared from the bok bok chopping block and got to live as free range barnyard birdies, sleeping with Courtney in her stall every night.

So this spring she had a really bad bout of something icky, I assumed she had a broken egg inside her. She was really swollen around her bum and was waddling lots, kinda dragging her bum. She got over it and I thought she was all better. Today my sister was out visiting her horses, Mr. Puss and myself at work. She called to let us know that we're gonna have to cull Emily when we got home, the maggots got to her. Ick, maggots... I have no idea why she'd have maggots, but she was obviously much more sick than we thought. Sis couldn't watch her suffer until we can get home, so she suffocated her with a barn towel, I can't imagine how hard that'd be, sis is an animal lover like me.

Our chickens are very much pets, I'm aware where they are all the time.. Making sure they are safe in for the night with Oinkers, laughing at them come running for treats when you call them. They are actually really cool pets, with very much their own personalities. Emily had no tolerance for dogs in her face, she'd stare down anyone... hackles on end lol. Bubbles thought he'd catch himself lunch one day (silly kitten), that was probably the last time that cat ever eyed up a chicken LOL. Emily rocked, she was a bitchy 'take no prisoners' kinda chick. Now there's Emma and Ella left, it sounds stupid but the barn is gonna be kinda empty without her. I feel horrible that she suffered so much (she should have seen a vet a long time ago)

Emma and Emily helping me clean the barn, Emily is the crusty one (nicknamed Crispy lol). RIP my pretty bird

NO ONE is allowed to bitch and moan about the heat!! About the drought, yes... But not the heat.

Summer here is VERY shortlived, preceded by a lovely but stunted autumn (normally my fav season, but here it's only about a friggin month). THen guess what happens??? SNOW, that gross white hell that swallows us up for about 8 months. The snow I WILL complain about, cause gimme a friggin break...

When it's so white out you can't tell the difference between the land and the sky, the sideways snow and mondo snowdrifts, freezing your fingers off trying to pump gas, breathing frozen needles... You people will ALL be CRYING for a day of +35!!!!

I am gonna add an icecube to my drink, some spf 60 to my skin, and don an airy little sun dress with my walmart flip flops and I REFUSE to bitch about the sweat trail running down the small of my back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause I LIKE IT!

I've been living in this area for 5 years, Mr. Puss has for 20 + years and we've been totally OBLIVIOUS to the place to go in the sweltering heat to swim and drink beers and play tunes, and generally act like punkasses (in a responsible manner, cleaning up after ourselves and NOT littering in the water).

We found this place on the river yesterday, afer driving over the bridge above it about a thousand times. Duh, lol. I moved to Alberta from the most lushest area of B.C. and haven't stopped complaining about the lack of water to swim in here (lots of lakes here, but they are GROSS!).

So we backed the truck up into the water along with the rest of the likeminded rednecks along the river and caught some serious rays, plopped our butts in the water and downed some well deserved beverages. Met some cool people, everyone out was happy and all enjoying the heat and the water. THe empties floating on the water from upstream were PISSING me off, but other than that all was good!!!!

We will be there MUCH more this summer, now that we know where to go when the horse's water trough isn't doin it for us LOL.

I'm gonna be nicer to people today, actually act interested enough to talk to them and shit.

ack, gonna be hard!

She asked me what I want for my birthday, and of course I say "nothin, take me out for lunch and beers" lol. But I got to thinking maybe I can talk her into getting matching tattoos with me. I doubt it though, she's pretty stubborn... But she can come with me for mine at least, then we can do beers after -well me beers and her coffee of course-. I'm thinkin a barn swallow on my neck would look pretty cute, it'll be fun to get just a quickie tat instead of being so heavy minded about them as I usually am. I've wanted a neck tattoo for a while, just wasn't sure what until the welcome infestation of barn swallows we've got this spring. They are so cute, pretty interesting little birds. we have a pair who just hatched a nest full of babies right above the machine that operates our automatic door in the barn. I should take pics!

I did some further researching online and this is what I found, it'll be nice to be able to just go in with a picture in hand and just say "Do this shit, on my neck" lol

I want the bird on the bottom as my first choice of positioning and style. The following pics are 'just in case' back ups, in case the design doesn't work.

I had wings open in mind, but this pic is pretty cute. I doubt the colors will work though. Wont really be able to see it on my skin, although they can do some creative things to saturate the colour and make it more noticeable.


Plan C, lol. His bum looks kinda weird but the position is good.


Found tons of pics of swallows flying and just roosting, hard to find them with their wings just open. I don't like the full flight designs, they look too much like airplanes lol.

Yes, this is the least complicated tattoo I'm getting so far. Geesh!

I need a beer

Sick and tired of having NO privacy... Can't get out of this place soon enough, although I know I'll greatly miss the riding here and the awesome huge barn.

I dunno what I was thinking wanting to get into horse boarding. It's not just about loving horses, you have to love horse people and dammit I'm not a people person. I just wanna do my chores, ride my horses and not have every Tom Dick and Harry in my face all the time. I took upon some good advice and am keeping things on a professional level only, after being burned BIGTIME by someone I considered a friend. She found a fantastic acreage (was a TB facility back in the day) and she took four of our clients totaling in 1500.00 loss for us.

We can't cook a fucking burger in our own yard without some dimwit in our personal space, in our yard. My mom is coming to visit this weekend for only the second time since we moved here (she can't afford to travel much) we're going to have a bbq here and if one person interrupts us rudely or feels it's their right to just wander into our yard as if they are family I am going to snap.

Hay prices here are going to be DISGUSTING this fall/winter. Round bales are already going for 100 bux, minimum... Norm for rounds here is about 45, including delivery. We can introduce a hay surcharge to somewhat make up for it but I don't thnk people are going to be willing to pay the amount we're gonna have to charge... A single horse will eat two rounds a month, that's a minimum of 100 bux and that's only going to go up. That leaves a whole 25.00 for our labour and care and the utilities for our electric/gas pig of a barn.

We're looking for a place to get out of this useless rut we're in, got into this thinking we'd get ahead and work has been so shitty we've only been treading water, well right now we are sinking financially. Mr. Puss is changing jobs cause of his knees being shot from flooring, I'm trying to get back my old job with my piggies. HOpefully things will work out as far as jobs go and we can carry this money pit of a place until we can move to small acreage and get out of boarding for good.


Just fuckin ick... I need a beer.

Thanks a ton for those who donated to my cancer run. I clocked in at 52:20 (blech), was 120th out of the 10 km runners which was 538 people. The balance did the 5 km walk, so there was over 1200 participants. I have fishnet chafing on my legs LOL, looks like an attack from a mini waffle iron. I decided I am not built for speed, my stumpy legs prefer distance, but it was a pretty fun event seen some nutty costumes and stuff then went home and drank beers all night, of course lol.

I have a promise to follow through, to the one who donated the most, a request pic. Once I'm healed from my surgery and feeling sexy I'll get down to biz lol.

The experimental surgery was a sucess yesterday, I was my doctors first laproscopy tubal ligation reversal. The first question when I woke up was "-incoherent..... husband....-incoherent-" the second question was "How many stitches" lol. The nurse told me it went well and I only have a few little nicks. I was pretty damn happy to hear that. My shoulders were screaming sore from the C02 they blow up your belly with during surgery, but that's nothing some Tylenol 3 and ibuprophen did fix.

Next stop, preggoville. Oh yeah, and we might be buying a farm.... I don't wanna jinx it but dammit I'm excited. Waiting to hear back from the realtor today, patiently waiting... ho hum.

Mr. Puss brought home some caramel cone explosion Haagen Dazs for me, holy crap that shit is like an orgasm on your spoon.

Not sure if I'm staying long, but I have a promise to withhold after my cancer run tommorow. I said the one person who donates the most for my cause will get a request pic (obviously within reason), whether emailed privately or posted on NN. After that I think I'm gonna bow out of this... I lost interest in taking pics of myself and fishing for compliments, dont' really have a need for strangers to tell me what they think. I lost interest in blathering about my personal life, so that leaves not much to be desired. Who knows, maybe after taking pics again I might rekindle the excitement... But for now, I'm not feelin it lol.

So far, huge thanks to the two of you who helped me raise money for my run tommorow. I gotta pitch in 45.00 myself, I'm not much of a money raiser I suppose lol.