One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern Canada were listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?",

The old lady replied,? "We just love the chocolate around them."

It pays to be careful around old people.

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally

cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone

again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird

forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He

jumped up, g rabbed her and took her deep into

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until A woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him

and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


Why ???







OH, come on... take a guess !!!







Think about it !!!







You're going to love this !!!







Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds

with OneStone !!!

A European tourist is lost and stops in an Irish village to ask for directions.

He sees two old men sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness.

"Parlez-vous Francais, he asks.

The old men look at each other and shake their heads.

"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"

Again, the old men shake their heads.

Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks "Habla Espanol?"

The men once again shake their heads.

Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks "Parla l'italiano?"

The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement.

The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off.

One old man says to the other, "You know, Sean, perhaps we should learn another language."

"Ah get on with yeh; look at him, he knows four and it didn't do him a bit of good."

A Canadian Indian picks up a hooker.
'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
He says 'Do you do Indian style?'
'No' she says.
' I pay you $200 to do it Indian style'
'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.
'I pay you $300'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've
had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world.
How bad could Indian Style be?''.
So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Indian style'?'

The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government'

A Newfie was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's with that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the Newfie replied.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup' replied the Newfie.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch' the Newfie replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,



'You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!'

With all this Olympic Games going on many companies are making money out of all sorts of marketing spin-offs including one company doing a range of condoms, Gold, Silver and Bronze.
I told my wife I was going to get some Gold Medal versions to match my performance.
She said " Get the Silver ones, it would be nice for you to come second for once!"

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their computer screen with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, " Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.' She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we never had any problems.'

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here - try these on.' She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.' Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here - you try on mine.' He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.' Karen said, 'Exactly, and if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will.' And they lived happily ever after.