The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are "the seven dwarfs" they get ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome ."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggl ing. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. He turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe ."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare. Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, >are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting: "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"

Joke: Doc, I Got A Problem
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

This test only has one question but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and consider each line.

You are in Florida.
Miami, to be exact.
There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper.
You're caught in the middle of this great disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to make a career out of shooting photos.
There are houses and people swirling around you.
Some are even disappearing under the water.
Nature is showing all of its destructive fury.
You see a woman in the water.
She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away with the debris.
You move closer . . somehow the woman looks familiar.
Suddenly you know who it is . . It's Hillary Rodham Clinton!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her under, forever.
You have two options:

You can save her, or you can take the most dramatic photos of your life.

So, you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful women.

Here's the question and please give an honest answer:


Would you select color film or would you rather go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, "we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long".

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York two days before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll t ake care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

The playboy encountered a lovely young thing on one of his trips abroad and decided to marry her.
Blessing the fact that she was not only a virgin but totally naive, he seized on the wedding night as a chance to break her in right, and had her suck him off a number of times.
The next day the bride went to see her mother, and burst into tears almost immediately. "Oh, Mother," she sobbed . "I did so want to have children, and now I just know I never shall."
"Now, now, dear, what makes you so sure?" asked the mother soothingly.
"Because," she wept, "because I'll never learn to swallow that dreadful stuff!"

punctuate this sentence correctly.....

"woman without her man is a savage"

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.

When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"

The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."

John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mommy.
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen.
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs.
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand